Part One: Monogamy – is it possible or preferable in your lesbian relationship?
Well, here we are, entering the end of March already! I’m in Baltimore this week for the Easter holiday visiting family and friends. I also just returned from a trip to beautiful Western Maryland. In case you are a ski lover and were wondering, I passed Wisp yesterday and yes, it looks like they still had quite a bit of snow!
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Today’s post contains two things:
1) A reminder that tonight’s the night – Barb Elgin will be hosting Happy Hour at The Red Maple in Baltimore, 5:30-8:30p ET.
2) Part One of a Two Part Thread: Monogamy – is it possible or preferable in your lesbian relationship?
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1) Join Barb Elgin TONIGHT as she hosts and promotes “Women and Friends”
A way to bring people together, the possibilities of enjoying a new
place, meeting new people, and bring the community together!!
THE RED MAPLE — MARCH 27TH 5:30PM-8:30PM
www.930redmaple.com
930 N Charles St # 1
Baltimore, MD 21201
(410) 547-0149
Date: Thursday March 27, 2008
Time: 5:30 pm – 8:30 pm
Location: The Red Maple, 930 N. Charles St. Balto, MD 21201
ATTENTION: All Baltimore GLBT Women and Friends – Come on Out
and ‘Swing into Spring’ Happy Hour at the Red Maple!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
5:30p-8:30p ET
The Red Maple
930 N. Charles Street
Baltimore, MD 21201
http://www.930redmaple.com
In the heart of Mt. Vernon!
Yes, it’s true, THE wait is over – a happy hour just for
sophisticated GLBT women in Baltimore has arrived! Here’s your
opportunity to socialize and network with a diverse group of
successful GLBT women at one of the hippest clubs in Baltimore! Come
on out and be seen – re-connect with old friends and make some new
ones too! Drink specials, $4 tapas menu, hip music, cozy
surroundings. Your hostess, business owner Barb Elgin, will greet you
2) Part One of a Two Part Thread: Monogamy – is it possible or preferable in your lesbian relationship?
This morning while fixing breakfast at moms, and in between tug-o-war games with my parent’s snorkie Rosie, I happened to catch the Mike and Juliet Show. This is the first time I’ve ever seen their show. The topic was compelling: Monogamy-is it possible? Well, they had quite a panel of guests from across the spectrum, ranging from those believing monogamy on all levels is something you agree to when you marry another person to relationship and sex experts to a prostitute and owner of a legal prostitution business.
Many great ideas were discussed, more than I can share here. However, here’s some of the ‘shout outs’ I remember:
- Whatever happened to loyalty?
- People define monogamy differently.
- People (especially men and people with high testosterone levels) want variety and that’s why they cheat.
- I’m a psychiatrist, I’m married and I don’t cheat.
- I came to my wife several years into our marriage and said I wasn’t happy because I needed to be sexual with someone different once in awhile. Now my wife and I have an agreement that I can have sexual encounters outside our marriage, as long as I only see that woman once (so I don’t develop feelings for that person).
- Hey, how can I, as a wife/partner, ‘match up to’ that prostitute/mistress who is there simply to entertain my partner and do whatever my partner wants(sometimes for a fee)? Doesn’t this create unrealistic expectations?
I don’t know what the incidence of lesbians paying for sex is, although I assume this is less of an occurrence in the lesbian community! However, just like straights and gay men, infidelity does occur in lesbian relationships. To my knowledge, because historically lesbian relationships have been marginalized/shunned/ignored, there probably isn’t any statistics out there on what percentage of lesbians cheat.
Some say what often happens in lesbian relationships is the phenomenon of serial monogamy. Lesbians who practice serial monogamy tend to start up a relationship or affair with someone outside their primary bond, as a way to leave or transition out of their primary (or previous) relationship.
Why are the subjects of monogamy and infidelity of such interest to me? As a single woman in her mid 40′s, the part of me that loves myself the most (my highest self, not just my ego!), is working to help me love myself enough to attract into my life a relationship that is satisfying on all levels, including sexually.
For those of us who are survivors of infidelity (the ones cheated on), we need to deeply look at what we did to create that experience so we don’t again invest all of ourselves on all levels in another relationship that doesn’t provide you with an equal (or even greater) ‘return’.
For example, I know how I tick and what I need. I’m more clear about that than ever. I know that I am in the process of learning to respect myself enough to create a relationship where the communication is so open and healthy that neither one of us experiences anything more than a passing ‘oh, she’s cute’ (or less), when it comes to all lesbians outside of our relationship, because we’re both so busy creating an amazing life together. Or, if, heaven forbid, one of us does let an attraction go further, that person makes a quick decision, hopefully, to ‘nip it in the bud’ to preserve her primary relationship.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post where I continue this compelling thread on monogamy in lesbian relationships. For example, do you know the one common bond or bind all women, gay or straight, share? Be sure to read tomorrow’s post to find out….
Thanks for reading…
BE well,
Tags: infidelity, lesbian community, lesbian socials, monogamy, relationship commitment