Deeply satisfying, lasting love flows out of CELEBRATING our sexual orientation… (part 1 of 2)
As I talk with lesbian singles and couples all over the world, I am struck how often they aren’t aware how their level of self acceptance and celebration of their lesbianism impacts their ability to find, grow and nurture a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship.
Celebration of one’s sexual orientation is one of the ten most important ‘love readiness’ areas. For those of you new to the idea of readiness, readiness is a concept that says your ability and availability to attract, form and grow a deeply satisfying and lasting relationship is dependent upon your ‘readiness’ for such a relationship.
Following from the above definition, whether you are single or coupled, the more ‘ready’ you are for love, the more love you can experience and create with another woman.
TAKE COACH SAPPHO’S RELATIONSHIP READINESS QUIZ
For those of you who have taken my 10 question, quick, yet powerful quiz – Coach Sappho’s Relationship Readiness Quiz – you know that question number ten asks you to assess, on a scale from 0 to 10, how much you celebrate (versus merely tolerate, or, accept) your sexuality. If you haven’t yet taken the quiz, I highly encourage you do so. The quiz is free and you receive your score immediately!
THE CONTINUUM CELEBRATING WHO YOU ARE
There seems to be a continuum, which I’ll call ‘celebrating who I am, lesbian and all’, that operates on both the conscious and even more importantly, subconscious, levels, for all of us. I see this continuum as similar to the Kinsey Scale, which suggests that each individual experiences their ‘sexual orientation’ as falling somewhere between ’100% straight’ to ’100% gay’ (with gradations in between).
I love ‘continuum’ scales, because we all know that life and reality has a lot of ‘gray’ in it. So, in terms of ‘celebration of one’s sexuality’, I propose the following continuum…
| ——————— | ——————— | ————————- |
denial tolerance acceptance celebration
DENIAL OF ONE’S GAYNESS
Most of us evolve through the continuum, beginning with a denial of our sexuality. I would say denial ranges from mild to severe. Mild forms of denial include those who discover their same sex crushes and attractions early (say, in adolescence), but do choose to act on them in early adulthood, but from a position of not having such a great attitude about their sexuality.
Moderate denial includes the stories of women who come out later in life saying that they knew they were gay from the beginning, but chose to live a heterosexual life, often getting married and having kids with a husband, because they weren’t ready to deal with the consequences of living their truth as a lesbian.
Severe denial includes the stories of people you hear ‘coming out’ later in life, after their teens or early 20′s, saying they ‘had no idea’ they were gay until then. This includes women who ‘discover’ in their 40′s, 50′s or beyond that they are gay.
Some researchers will probably disagree with me here, saying sexuality is ‘fluid’ and, people who ‘come out’ later in life could have been straight earlier in their life and are just now ‘becoming gay’. Now, I don’t know ultimately ‘what is true’, however, these definitions are mine and are based on what I’ve observed only. I am also not making any judgments on anyone’s experience of denial. Everyone’s upbringing, personality, social environment, etc., is unique, and everyone usually does the best they can at any one time, given the forces operating in a person’s life.
Be sure to return to this blog tomorrow and catch part two of this two part post, where I talk in greater detail about the ‘celebrating who you are’ continuum, including what celebration is and how it is a necessary requirement for creating deeply satisfying, lasting love with another woman.
Tags: coming out, coming out gay, coming out to parents, gay and lesbian, gay love and coming out, lesbian relationships