Secrets to deeply satisfying, lasting lesbian love: BE a great partner
As I talk with lesbian women from all over the world, we find it so much fun identifying together who they are and what they want. The coaching exercises we do together to find out these juicy tidbits are often very liberating, especially for lesbians, because so many of us have held back so much of who we are from ‘the light of day’ for so long.
Some of my current and former clients only recently ‘came out of the closet’. Some have even been married to a man for some length of time and are choosing to live a more authentic, ‘this is who I really am’ lesbian life for the first time. And many others have identified, even rather openly, as lesbian for years but they…
- haven’t experience a deeply satisfying and lasting relationship with another woman
- they haven’t felt comfortable asking for what they want
- or they haven’t been aware of what they want romantically, for various reasons, most likely due to the socialization (or lack thereof) women and lesbian women receive when it comes to love, dating and relationships.
As I always remind all of my clients, whether they are single, dating or coupled, two of the most important secrets to creating a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship with the woman of their dreams is knowing who you are and what you want.
Just as important, however, as knowing who you are and what you want is:
- being able to live your truth
and
- being willing to be a great partner
When it comes to living one’s truth, let’s face it: until the ‘rubber meets the road’, who you are and what you want is only theoretical. Meaning, in terms of the world and how you are perceived and whether (and what) you will manifest, the results you achieve are based upon your ability to take actions, millions of them, moment after moment, day after day and year after year, that are aligned with who you believe yourself to be, in the world.
Now, I’m not saying you have to be perfect. Although there is nothing wrong with demanding ‘excellence’ of yourself. In fact, it’s better to ‘expect too much’, I believe, than to not ‘expect enough’ of yourself, in particular your behavior. And, this gets to the point of today’s post.
As much as it is important to get clear who you are, what you want and as vital as it is to be able to express ‘you’ lovingly, yet clearly in the world, perhaps most important of all, if you hope to create a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship with another woman, is being able to be a great partner.
Most of us are aware of what we expect from the woman we invite into our lives, but do you spend as much time learning and practicing becoming a great partner to that woman you expect so much from? (as well you should, by the way!)…
As it’s been said, when it’s easy to be a great partner, that is, on days and during the hours of the day when things are going smooth, you are rested and you aren’t irritable and your partner is the same, being a great partner is much easier than when you are tired, you both disagree or you just don’t feel like being kind or ‘negotiable’ at that moment.
Well now, these tougher moments are when the rubber truly meets the road: can you be respectful when you aren’t in the mood to be? None of us are perfect on this one, we’ve all slipped, right, so, let’s cut ourselves and others some (not too much though!) slack during these moments! 
The best, most lasting relationships consist of two individuals who are being great partners. Why is that? Because when you have two women doing the very best they can to nurture their relationship, they create the conditions that allow each woman to feel they are being celebrated for who they are while they are treated like a queen.
Certainly then, if you aren’t being a great partner, is it fair to expect your partner to be a great partner? Hmmmm………..the good news is this: when you don’t feel like being a great partner, step back and take a deep breath before you do anything else…from there you will have a clearer head and you will be more likely to respond with love (or with no response at all until you are able to make a positive response) instead of reacting in response to your frustration (or some other negative emotion).
I am not saying you sweep important issues under the rug. I am just saying there is always a time and a place, right?
Lastly: put one mark in the ‘credit’ column of your relationship’s ‘emotional bank account’.
Wonderful food for thought, eh?
Have a fabulous afternoon!
Barb Elgin
p.s. Are you single or dating to meet your life partner? If you are, be sure to check out Lez Rendezvous, our premiere dating and coaching community for lesbians. We have a great tele-discussion this evening at 7:30p ET where we are talking about getting ready to attract our soulmates. Don’t miss it! Great potential partners hang out here! And, some ‘love matches’ are already happenin’…
Tags: coaching lesbian couples, gay and lesbian, gay and lesbian relationship, gay dating service, gay relationship help, Lesbian Couples, lesbian dating advice, lesbian dating and relationship coach, lesbian relationship advice, lesbian relationships, Single Lesbians