Thriving in today’s world as a single or coupled lesbian
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the bottom line for lesbians…
What does it take to thrive in today’s world as a lesbian woman, single or coupled?
I define thrive as being able to be oneself enough in one’s life so that, if you are a lesbian, you celebrate your sexuality. You don’t hide who you are. And that authenticity extends to you and your life in general.
Thriving also means abilities to…
- handle adversity, that is, deal with and rise above all of life and love’s challenges, as you encounter them (and you will)…
- address dating and love relationship issues with skill and confidence (instead of avoidance, false bravado or destructive conflict)
- prevent future problems as best as you can by the way you live (and love) today
- actually become more authentic, loving and strong as a result of dealing with the challenges of being gay
If you are single, you have enough worth to take your time to get clear who you are and what you want, need and require in a love partnership and you only give your heart to another woman who also loves herself enough to be able to love another person, over time, with actions, and when it’s not just based on good feelings at that moment.
If you are in a relationship, you value you, your partner and your relationship enough to really take care of your selves and your relationship. That includes ‘checking in’ at times with a relationship coach like myself, even if you think things are going great. For example – are you 100% sure your partner trusts you enough to be honest with you about how happy she is with your relationship? If you are not (or if you are in denial), your relationship is probably under distress because your partner isn’t as happy as she could be with your relationship.
In today’s news and internet travels I came across a recent book release and a study I thought I’d mention that relate to this vital topic of lesbian women and self esteem:
The first is Caitlin Ryan’s Family Acceptance Project work. I’ve known of Caitlin for years as an LGBT educator and advocate. Her current focus on this project is remarkable.
Caitlin is focusing on the impact parental behavior has on their gay and lesbian kids. She’s showing, through her research, how toxic parental rejection can be. For those of you with a history of such toxicity from loved ones, you know what it was like. Gladly, society is now beginning to rationally address this issue.
Caitlin’s latest study found that LGBT youth who are treated in ‘rejecting’ ways by parents are at higher risk of health problems like. Yes, no duh! But, isn’t it time someone took the time to map this out so our detractors have a harder time denying the reality? Be sure you check out Caitlin’s writings and interviews on this subject, by clicking here. In particular, be sure to check out her brief, great interviews with HRC’s The Agenda and NPR’s All Things Considered, where she talks about the results of her study.
Secondly, on the Today Show this morning I happened to catch an interview with psychologist Cheryl Saban. I don’t actually know if Saban is affirmative towards gays or not. I tried to find that out and am still looking (if you know let me know).
But, either way, what Dr. Saban has to say about women and self worth is very worthy! She’s been through the process herself of gaining self worth (including surviving rape and two divorces) and now, she’s written a book about it that I think is worth checking out, called
What is your self worth? A woman’s guide to self validation
So, you ask, what do the above two women’s work have to do with your ability to be ‘lovingly smarter’ about your life and love life? Well, everything, don’t you think!?!
Saban and Caitlin’s words will give you ‘clues’ as to what you can do to becoming more gentle yet strong, loving yet self confident. So will joining one of our communities at Coach Sappho: Lez Rendezvous for singles and Lez Be Together for lesbian couples.
For example, if you have emotional wounds from past (or present) family rejection (if you’re not sure just call me and we’ll sort it out), or if you are a caring woman who is still trying to find that balance between being yourself AND being confident, be sure to check out the work of both of these women.
If you are a lesbian woman who didn’t (or doesn’t) get FULL, CELEBRATORY SUPPORT from you loved ones, you absolutely need to start getting better support for yourself. The good news is that it’s never too late. Both of Coach Sappho’s communities were designed for the lesbian who ‘gets’ it that ‘going it alone’ is not the answer.
You need this support. I encourage you to care enough about yourself to go and get this support BEFORE YOU NEED IT! That’s how you will begin to create that incredible life and relationship you are building for yourself…
Have a great Thursday!
Barb Elgin
Tags: Florida Single Lesbians, Lesbian Couples, lesbians and self esteem, Single Lesbians, women and self confidence