Did you know divorce is contagious?
I’m excited to let you know I’ve started watching the Real L Word (including Natalie Garcia’s Showtime Real L Word video blog) and I can’t wait to start talking about all of the characters, and the drama, very soon…So stay tuned.
The topic of today’s post is closely related to lesbian love drama, btw. This week a study broke in the media on the ‘divorce virus’. Divorce virus, you say? Yes.
The study, led by James Fowler, is a retrospective longitudinal one, meaning they looked at data from other studies such as the Framingham Heart Study. The study found that relationship breakups can be as contagious as the flu…
I’m not surprised, I’ve been suspecting this phenomenon for a long time now. For example, there are other well known studies that show those whose parents divorced are at a higher risk of divorcing too. Fowler’s study found the same effect may be true in friendship circles, meaning friends do highly influence us. I think this effect is even more heightened because of social networking sites like Facebook.
One of the more intriguing results of the study concerned the universal nature of this phenomenon: the spreading of this kind of ‘flu’ is psychological, meaning, it’s not dependent on you being geographically close to be infected by it. For example, if Aunt Flo in Detroit (whom you love very much), is feeling much better after leaving her husband, if your relationship is troubled, you may be more tempted to leave your partner (yes, it’s true!) than you would have been if Aunt Flo hadn’t left dear old Uncle Claude (or if she’d left but found her situation worse since she divorced him).
So why am I mentioning this somewhat sobering information? Because you need to know the truth. There are negative consequences to divorce, breakups and ‘serial monogamy’. You need to know what the risk factors are, just like you now know about smoking and eating patterns.
What can you do to protect yourself from the divorce virus? If you are single, choose partners more wisely. Balance your head and heart in choosing a partner. If he or she has a history (or pattern) of divorce or relationship breakups, find out why.
If you are in a relationship, learn all you can about preserving your relationship. And, surround yourself as much as you can with couples who STAY together. Deepen your friendships with them. Ultimately, the strength of your relationship is dependent on BOTH of you taking care to prevent the ‘illness’. So, you, as an individual, should include in ‘innoculating’ yourself, doing all you can to become and remain resilient.
On a larger level, health care and public health professionals and policy makers need to build into our communities ways for us to become more supportive of relationships. This is not communism, it makes good sense. Every time a relationship doesn’t endure, we all suffer. What affects one family affects all families, all communities and the world.
Tags: break ups, breaking up is hard to do, divorce, gay dating, gay divorce, gays and dating, gays and relationships, Lesbian Dating, separations