Lesbian Divorce
I happened to catch a piece on The Today Show this morning on ‘Gray Divorce’. Gray divorce is defined as marriages that end ‘later in life’. Older persons face some unique stresses when their relationship ends, such as worrying about growing old alone, negative financial changes, feeling less ‘attractive’ and figuring out how to enter a ‘less viable’ singles market. Younger divorcees tend to have more options and more time to rebuild their love lives.
The ‘Gray Divorce’ discussion got me thinking about the topic of gay divorce, and more specifically, lesbian breakups and lesbian divorce. I remember a few years back reading an article in a professional magazine about the ‘disenfranchisement’ lesbians go through when their relationship ends.
According to dictionary.com disenfranchise is defined as:
To be deprived of a franchise, privilege or right
As a survivor of gay divorce myself, I can tell you it’s true. First off, most lesbians aren’t able to legally marry. This means society doesn’t recognize or acknowledge your committed relationship on a level equal to legal marriage. So, if your relationship ends, so what? Socially, this sets up some big time ‘pain’ for many lesbians. Straight people take for granted the respect and sympathy they automatically receive when they are going through the stresses of divorce.
For example, I know plenty of lesbians grieving a painful breakup without the support of family because they’ve never even told their family they were IN a committed relationship. Or, more likely, a lesbian’s family does know but doesn’t equally support their daughter like they would if she’d been married to (and divorced) a man.
Then there are the financial issues. Straight folk take for granted the support of the legal system in it’s ability to help there be a ‘fair’ distribution of shared assets. Unless you and your ex set up a system to ensure fairness, chances are you have no recourse. Many times the less financially savvy or powerful partner in a couple loses out. And, there are cases where the one who came into the relationship more financially sound is taken to the cleaners.
And, now that gay marriage is increasingly being voted into law across the country, there are new wrinkles to consider. For example, if you were married in one state and try to divorce in a state that doesn’t recognize same sex marriage, then what?
These are all reasons why it’s wise for you to:
- Do all you can to be choosy about who you select as your life partner
- Make a true, mutual commitment to each other
- Nurture your committed relationship, so that it doesn’t end.
Stay tuned for future posts for my thoughts on these issues. 
Call to action (this is where you come in!): Have you ever gone through a breakup? If so, what have been your experiences with them? Are you going through a gay divorce? I hope you’ll post right here on the blog and let us know.
I hope you won’t just read my blog. I want you to INTERACT with it (and me). Your life will improve as a result.
Tags: divorce, end of relationship, gay divorce, lesbian breakups, lesbian divorce