As I reflect on yesterday’s tragic shootings in Tucson, Arizona, I find it brings up for me many questions.  How about you?  Questions such as:

• Can incidents like this be prevented in the future?
• What is the true, full story of what led this young man, Jared Lee Loughner, to do what he did?
• How much was the ‘verbal political vitriol’ present in today’s world (and spread more widely/rapidly because of today’s technology, and practiced by some of today’s politicians and entertainment figures) part of the cause, if at all?
• Do we have a failed mental health and/or criminal justice system?
• How do we reconcile the issue of ‘freedom to carry guns’ with the need to provide some level of protection?

I do know this: all of us have an emotional ‘system’ if you will, that includes the tool of anger.  And, if we look at the issue of evolution, it’s true that today is a time where many of us are ‘catching up’ to become more skilled in the healthy acknowledgement and expression of this important emotion.   We can’t, for example, go out and punch someone for a verbal disagreement like some of our ancestors did.

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So, if gays can fight and die for their country, why can’t they marry people they love?  -ABC’s Jake Tapper.

I’ve been taking a break from my blogging lately, if you hadn’t noticed. I apologize if you’ve missed me!

And, I just returned from Christmas celebrations, mostly enjoyed up north with family and friends. While I was away, the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) happened. I am amazed at how it all came together ultimately.  Aren’t you?  Of course, ask those central to making this happen and you will hear how ‘blood, sweat and tears’ it took to make DADT go away.

Driving home yesterday, I happened to listen in on a conservative radio station. Of course, they believe repeal of DADT is immoral.  And, those of us who believe the opposite believe DADT was what was immoral.  I know one thing:  I’m grateful we have a democratic President in office awhile.   I agree with Rachel Maddow, who recently said, ‘DADT caused massive damage to many lives.’

Apparently, President Obama, who has publicly stated he doesn’t believe in gay marriage, is even reconsidering that other very controversial anti-gay federal law – The Defense of Marriage Act.  He is even reconsidering gay marriage.  During an interview after signing the repeal of DADT he was asked by reporter Jake Tapper:

So, if gays can fight and die for their country, why can’t they marry people they love?

Yes, indeed.  Why can’t they?  I would reword his question to say: Why can’t gays and lesbians marry the person they love?  Lest someone start saying:  oh, they want to marry more than one person!?! 

If nothing else, the repeal of DADT reminds me how keeping the faith and keeping one’s ‘eyes on the prize’, even when it’s difficult to do so and defeat seems certain, often brings victory.   I am amazed…

As I travel the country, virtually and, in person, I am constantly meeting single lesbians who ask me questions such as,

“Where can we go on our first date?”

“What are the best restaurants in my city for lesbians?”

And I am always meeting couples who ask me,

“We’ve been staying home for so long we don’t know where to go or what to do on our date night.”

“Where can I take my partner to stir up some fun?”

So, what a fun idea to brainstorm ideas right here on Coach Sappho’s blog.

What’s your favorite lesbian date ideas? Where did you and your partner last go on date night and, how did it go?  What’s been your most memorable, cuddly, sexy, fun date, to date!?!

We’d love to read more about your experiences.  Just think – you can suggest other great ideas for lesbian couples in your city and you can learn ideas you’d never have thought of on your own, by reading this list!

Post your ideas right here on the blog!  Thanks!

I talk with lesbians from all over the world about their love lives.  And it’s an honor.  I work hard everyday to become better at supporting their success.  I LOVE my job!

I love what I do because I know, personally and professionally, how important love is to all of us.  Research is showing, more and more, how vital a healthy, happy love relationship is to a person’s quality of life.  This is all the more reason it’s important to fight for our relationship rights.  We deserve to have access to the experience of marriage, which is an opportunity unlike any other for finding the ultimate romantic fulfillment.

Yes, people like to joke about the fervor with which many gays and lesbians wish to be married.  Straight comedians like to say, ‘I’m for gay marriage – Why not let gays and lesbians have all the hassle of marriage too!?!’.  Well, they have a point, but, ultimately they are speaking from a much different perspective from which I come: they’ve never NOT had the right to marry who they want to marry.  Big difference!

People who don’t ‘get’ it also don’t get that it’s NOT just about our individual rights.  When a person is able to freely pursue their happiness fully, the entire society benefits.  People who are fully supported with a caring, loving relationship at home are more likely to be productive at work, use less health care, contribute positively to other relationships and their communities, etc.

I want to be as vocal and confident as Dan Choi is (as he talks about military matters) when it comes to telling society to drop the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ attitude towards our right to love.  How about you?

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So, congratulations!  You’ve made the connection via Coach Sappho’s matchmaking services, online dating or through friends, family or co-workers.

OR, perhaps you want to ask out that special someone you’ve just met (or someone you’ve been admiring for awhile now, from afar).  Now what…

It’s time to go on your first date!

It’s as simple as that, right!?!  Exciting?  Nerve-wracking?  Doesn’t have to be.  Not with Coach Sappho’s tips for great first dates.

First off, you want to start by feeling confident, on the outside and on the inside, for the experience.  Dating is a numbers game, particularly if your goal is finding your Mz. Right.  More importantly, dating is meant to be fun too, so that’s the attitude you must have towards it.  If you are too heavy about the experience, you will defeat your purpose.  Pushing to meet Mz. Right will drive her right away.

So if we take a look at outer topics, that means issues such as your appearance and how you present yourself.  On the inside, that means being aware of all of those emotional and mental elements Coach Sappho has oodles of information and support about, to guide you in gradually zeroing in on a woman you fit well with, not only in the short run, but for the long haul!

So, stay tuned for my next post, where I’ll share tips on preparing for that first date!

Join Barb and Donna as they welcome very special guest, career coach Paula Gregorowicz, this Thursday, September 16, 2010 at 4p ET on Coach Sappho’s podcast GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna.

Barb met Paula several years ago as both are life coaches who specialize in working with lesbian women. Paula’s story is unique in that she followed her heart and successfully left corporate America to create a career she loves.

Paula will be sharing the process she’s created to help her business and personal clients, called Life Alchemy™.  She’ll share how she came to develop the process; what is unique about the way she helps women reinvent their lives and careers; the biggest barriers she sees women struggling with, especially lesbian women, when it comes to succeeding on one’s own terms professionally and more.

Be sure to set aside this hour now and give yourself some nurturing.  Particularly if you are bored, frustrated or hating your current job, you will want to tune in!  Men and women invited.

Click here to bookmark the podcast page now!

In my early years as a coach and therapist I, like many other helpers, often looked for the more complicated, more dramatic or exotic reasons for a person’s unhappiness or distress.  Now that I’m ‘older, battle tested/scarred and wiser’ (hehehe), I know to initially ask my clients about those simple, but not-so-obvious issues, such as sleep, that might underlie one’s ‘presenting’ problem!

Sleep?  Sleep, you ask?  What’s sleep got to do with your stress levels or your partner’s insensitivity?

Well, it turns out that your sleep habits have A LOT to do with the quality of your daytime, i.e.: awake life!  (more…)