The ‘Gray Divorce’ discussion got me thinking about the topic of gay divorce, and more specifically, lesbian breakups and lesbian divorce.  I remember a few years back reading an article in a professional magazine about the ‘disenfranchisement’ lesbians go through when their relationship ends.

According to dictionary.com disenfranchise is defined as:

To be deprived of a franchise, privilege or right

As a survivor of gay divorce myself, I can tell you it’s true.  First off, most lesbians aren’t able to legally marry.  This means society doesn’t recognize or acknowledge your committed relationship on a level equal to legal marriage.  So, if your relationship ends, so what?  Socially, this sets up some big time ‘pain’ for many lesbians.  Straight people take for granted the respect and sympathy they automatically receive when they are going through the stresses of divorce.

For example, I know plenty of lesbians grieving a painful breakup without the support of family because they’ve never even told their family they were IN a committed relationship.  Or, more likely, a lesbian’s family does know but doesn’t equally support their daughter like they would if she’d been married to (and divorced) a man.

Then there are the financial issues.  Straight folk take for granted the support of the legal system in it’s ability to help there be a ‘fair’ distribution of shared assets.  Unless you and your ex set up a system to ensure fairness, chances are you have no recourse.  Many times the less financially savvy or powerful partner in a couple loses out.  And, there are cases where the one who came into the relationship more financially sound is taken to the cleaners.

And, now that gay marriage is increasingly being voted into law across the country, there are new wrinkles to consider.  For example, if you were married in one state and try to divorce in a state that doesn’t recognize same sex marriage, then what?

These are all reasons why it’s wise for you to:

• Do all you can to be choosy about who you select as your life partner
• Make a true, mutual commitment to each other
• Nurture your committed relationship, so that it doesn’t end.

Stay tuned for future posts for my thoughts on these issues.  

Call to action (this is where you come in!): Have you ever gone through a breakup?  If so, what have been your experiences with them?  Are you going through a gay divorce?  I hope you’ll post right here on the blog and let us know.

I hope you won’t just read my blog.  I want you to INTERACT with it (and me).  Your life will improve as a result.

I enjoyed the interview immensely. Rosie was her usual charismatic self. With a dollop of humility even. A friend of mine asked if she ‘talked bad about anyone’ as apparently that might have been some of the hype to get people to tune in.

No, Rosie was a class act throughout the show. She obviously has mellowed in many respects. O’Donnell shared details on the infamous quitting incident with Barbara Walters and Elizabeth Hasselbeck on The View and she also shared why she believes she and Kelli O’Donnell decided to divorce.

A great deal of Oprah’s interview and questions revolved around Rosie and her role as mom to her four children, including how she and Kelli are co-parenting them now that they are apart. Rolled into this discussion was Rosie sharing a clip from her movie on ‘A Family is a Family is a Family’.

Rosie also shared an interesting tidbit about the addiction to being a celebrity that was the subject of her book Celebrity Detox.

Rosie also reminded Oprah that she really wouldn’t be able to understand what it’s like to ‘withdraw’ from being in the spotlight until she steps back and leaves the stage. I thought this a most fascinating part of the interview and wished they’d had more time to discuss the issue.

Lastly, Rosie shared how she is now learning to move beyond the ‘glass half empty’ experiences of her life, such as the fact her mom died when she was only 10 and that she always thought she too would die by the age of 40. She has a new girlfriend named Tracy and is working with her to find a way to put their two lives together. Tracy lives in Texas and has six children of her own, many of them adopted or in foster care.

Finally, Oprah announced to the studio audience that Rosie was giving everyone a Sirius XM radio!

Yes, I hung on every word, given I admit my interest in the lives and opinions of celebrities like Rosie and Oprah! No, my life is very different from theirs, but I see many parallels and found their discussion inspiring.

How about you?

It might be just me, but I wondered if the fact Carol got ‘thrown under the bus’ first had anything to do with subtle homophobic feelings other female contestants on her team felt towards her?

I’m not saying those feelings are big, intentional or even conscious.  But, perhaps they were there, subtly affecting the perceptions of the heterosexual women on Carol’s team.  Either way it was a hard position for all the women.  Perhaps Carol really was the ‘weakest link’?

I know that one tense conflict we were shown during the contest was Holly asking Carol to get out front to bring in to identify and bring in bigger donors and Carol not listening.  And Carol stating that Holly ‘didn’t want to break a nail’ to work harder.  Meow, cat fight!

One thing I noticed is this: Cyndi Lauper stuck to her guns and wouldn’t talk anyone down, including Leifer. True, blue gay friendly that’s Cyndi.

Of course we all love Cyndi Lauper. As much as I love Cyndi, if anyone needs to take responsibility for her team’s loss isn’t it her? Or, if not Cyndi (after all she and Sharon Osbourne are probably ‘too big to fail’), why not some of the other ‘minor’ players? Why Carol?

After all, as far as I know, she’s the only lesbian on the team.  Was her performance really that much worse than most of the other teammates?  I wish I knew more of the statistics, like tip totals, like Donald Trump’s son does. 

It was painful watching the women have to talk against each other. At first, even though Donald prodded, no one would break with the ranks. I had to laugh when Donald said something to the effect of ‘I know you all love each other and all, but, come on’!

Truth be told, I missed the first half of the show, so perhaps I am being judgmental, playing the ‘gay card’ and taking this too personal. But, I just had to wonder:

Who would Donald have fired if the women continued
to stick to their guns and not single out Carol?

Hmmmm….what do you think?

Cindy McCain has joined her daughter Meghan McCain (who has been outspoken in her support of same sex marriage) in speaking up against hate (and possibly gay marriage) by posing for one of those Adam Brouska No H8 photo shoots.  Meghan also posed for No H8 late last year.

Way to go Cindy!  Of course republicans are up in arms, including her husband John McCain’s office, which has put out a statement supporting Cindy’s ‘right’ to think differently and reiterating John’s support of marriage between a man and a woman only!  And, I hear that another, more conservative republican who is planning to run against McCain during the next election is already using this event to drum up support against the re-election of McCain.

Well, leave it to the ladies to evolve us forward…AGAIN!  

Sorry guys,  I may be a lesbian but I’m not a man hater.  I just state what I observe…

I didn’t want this news to go un-mentioned because, as we are learning, more and more each day, there are many different types of republicans, democrats and, independents!  It’s not enough to ‘pigeon hole’ everyone in a party.  Thankfully.

I would say that, given Cindy’s place in the cosmos, this was a ‘well thought out’ decision on her part.   Makes me wonder if John knew beforehand!

My sense is that Cindy McCain’s move is one more piece of the big hate iceberg, breaking off and melting away…

So thank you Cindy!  It’s unclear yet what impact her decision will make.  Probably not that big of a help, but, hey, we’ll take it.  What does Cindy’s action show? That even those with a more ‘conservative’ bent are open to changing (or, perhaps they’ve felt this way all along and are speaking up more as they sense growing support of equal rights for all Americans).

Hear Barb Elgin Via Free Download Below – Talking with Rick Barber About California’s Prop 8 Trial on News Radio in Denver, Colorado

Speaking of Prop 8 – yours truly completed an interview this morning with Rick Barber in the Denver, Colorado area on Newsradio 850 KOA!  I’ve been tapped twice this week (Denver) and Vero Beach, Florida (on the Rhett Palmer Show) to talk about the Prop 8 trial in California and same sex marriage.

Click here to listen to my interview with the irreverent, very learned and dry witted Rick Barber.   I loved listening to Rick’s command of comedy and history.  Not bad for 5am!  

I’m still hoping to get a copy of my interview with Rhett.

Have a great ‘hump’ day!

Barb Elgin

Photo:  AP/Adam Brouska

I don’t know about you but I’ve loved Portia since her Ally McBeal days.  It’s great seeing another lesbian, indeed, in this case, one of those lesbians who, in the old days, was characterized as ‘not looking like a lesbian’ – become more known.  We’ve been getting to know Ellen for so long now, it’s refreshing seeing Portia develop her public identity.   She’s come a long way in that regard.

As an ardent supporter of committed relationships, I love to hear ‘celesbians’ like Portia talk about marriage in such a positive way.  I think Portia’s whole demeanor shows that allowing gays to marry just might bring a ‘marriage renaissance’ to our world, countering the cynicism that pervades, when it comes to promising forever to someone.  We all know what a tall order that can be, especially in Hollywood.  I wish Portia and Ellen all the best!