The ‘Gray Divorce’ discussion got me thinking about the topic of gay divorce, and more specifically, lesbian breakups and lesbian divorce.  I remember a few years back reading an article in a professional magazine about the ‘disenfranchisement’ lesbians go through when their relationship ends.

According to dictionary.com disenfranchise is defined as:

To be deprived of a franchise, privilege or right

As a survivor of gay divorce myself, I can tell you it’s true.  First off, most lesbians aren’t able to legally marry.  This means society doesn’t recognize or acknowledge your committed relationship on a level equal to legal marriage.  So, if your relationship ends, so what?  Socially, this sets up some big time ‘pain’ for many lesbians.  Straight people take for granted the respect and sympathy they automatically receive when they are going through the stresses of divorce.

For example, I know plenty of lesbians grieving a painful breakup without the support of family because they’ve never even told their family they were IN a committed relationship.  Or, more likely, a lesbian’s family does know but doesn’t equally support their daughter like they would if she’d been married to (and divorced) a man.

Then there are the financial issues.  Straight folk take for granted the support of the legal system in it’s ability to help there be a ‘fair’ distribution of shared assets.  Unless you and your ex set up a system to ensure fairness, chances are you have no recourse.  Many times the less financially savvy or powerful partner in a couple loses out.  And, there are cases where the one who came into the relationship more financially sound is taken to the cleaners.

And, now that gay marriage is increasingly being voted into law across the country, there are new wrinkles to consider.  For example, if you were married in one state and try to divorce in a state that doesn’t recognize same sex marriage, then what?

These are all reasons why it’s wise for you to:

• Do all you can to be choosy about who you select as your life partner
• Make a true, mutual commitment to each other
• Nurture your committed relationship, so that it doesn’t end.

Stay tuned for future posts for my thoughts on these issues.  

Call to action (this is where you come in!): Have you ever gone through a breakup?  If so, what have been your experiences with them?  Are you going through a gay divorce?  I hope you’ll post right here on the blog and let us know.

I hope you won’t just read my blog.  I want you to INTERACT with it (and me).  Your life will improve as a result.

Woody offers monthly teleseminars on a range of financial topics and he’s licensed in many states to offer financial assistance.  Partnership Wealth Management’s complimentary July Webinar will be held on Tuesday, July 13, 2010 (12 noon – 1:00pm EST) and will focus on Women and Investing.  Please call Loury Davis at 410-732-2733 for more details and to reserve your space today!

You can also check out Woody’s website by clicking here.

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Okay, here’s Woody’s article…

Market Pullback – Not a Financial Crisis

By Woody Derricks, President, Partnership Wealth Management
410-732-2633

On Thursday, May 6, 2010, the stock market, as measured by the S&P 500, expanded its recent pullback with a vengeance as it dropped over 3% for the day after rallying from midday declines of almost 10%.   While fear was certainly the undertone for the day, the big declines and subsequent rally happened all within an hour.  Although the point damage was largely mitigated, uncertainty and concern remain entrenched in the market.

While the catalyst for the large decline was attributed to an apparent trading error that triggered a technical selloff, it was the uncertain environment regarding the fiscal crisis of several countries in Southern Europe that has created the negative backdrop for the market. Concern over the bailout of Greece has been widely reported, but the emerging anxiety of the market is the potential contagion of Greece’s fiscal deficit issues to other European countries and perhaps beyond.  The very real concern is if Europe will once again teeter back into the realm of recession, which could have negative impacts to the export portion of U.S. multi-national companies, certainly has the equity markets nervous.

While the fiscal crisis of Greece and other Southern European countries creates market uncertainty, it is important to remember that the events are the after-effects of the 2008 financial crisis and not the start of a new financial crisis.  Greece is not alone—it is one of many companies, families, individuals and now even countries that have been causalities of the recent recession.  Whether it was a job loss, a home foreclosure, rising debt, the need to cut back on spending or a national fiscal crisis as it is for Greece, there have been many negative consequences resulting from the most severe recession in almost 80 years.  That said, these negative events are the effects of the financial crisis we have just been through and not the cause of another new wave of credit concerns and another financial market collapse.

While fear is always an unwelcomed emotion, investing fear may create opportunity.  Since the recovery began back in early March 2009, the S&P 500 has risen approximately 70%, but not in a straight line.  In fact, along the ascent, there have been four pullbacks ranging from 5% to 10%, including this most recent market selloff.  I would argue that the selloff is not the result of increasing bad news, but rather the market became priced for perfection and perfection was unrealistic.  After huge market gains over the last year, expectations grew greater and greater.  The bar continued to be raised until the point where, regardless of how strong the economic backdrop was, expectations were greater than reality.  The result was a reset in expectations and a pullback in the market. Greece happened to be the catalyst, but the trigger could have been any report or event that did not meet the market’s expectations of near perfection.  The fact remains that pullbacks, like the one we are currently in the midst of, are healthy as they serve to reset expectations and re-engage nervous, profit-taking bulls back into a recovery.

When wondering how to react to times like these from an investment perspective, let’s not forget the fact that the market plunged on what appears to be a trading error and then corrected itself all within an hour.  This indicates a market demonstrating stability, not in a freefall.  This does not mean we will not get pullbacks and market hiccups like we are experiencing now, as these are both needed to establish a balance between buyers and sellers and to support future, healthy market advances.

Sometimes in periods of fear, investors and the market itself can lose the forest through the trees.  While the fiscal problem in Greece, the Goldman Sachs testimony discussions with Congress, and concerns arising from a global tightening of monetary policy have stolen much of the headlines as of late, a full view of the “forest” would show that the overall economy continues to improve.  One piece of evidence was released on May 7, 2010 in the April 2010 employment report.  The U.S. economy lost a total of 8.4 million jobs since the start of the recession highlighted by 22 consecutive months of job losses, but we have added jobs in 5 of the last 6 months to the tune of 528,000 new jobs.  In the end, the economic backdrop is on the mend.

The bottom line is that there is a big difference between a pullback and a financial crisis.  And there is an even bigger difference between how the market reacts to events that cause a crisis (Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, and the credit crisis of 2008) and those events that are the aftershocks of a severe recession, like the situation unfolding in Greece and Southern Europe.  There is also a difference between the two definitions of risk: danger and opportunity.  We would argue that the latter is far more likely than the former at these levels in the market and at this stage of the market recovery.

With a little patience, the commitment to a well thought out investment plan and a willingness to follow Warren Buffet’s sage advice to “be greedy when others are fearful and fearful when others are greedy” could result in turning the tone of this market pullback from danger to opportunity.  The selloff we are experiencing, which is the fourth one since the market bottom of March 2009, serves as a reset of market expectations.  It could provide the next springboard for the market to rally to higher levels over the coming months before running into the growing headwinds of rising rates, contested mid-term elections, and tougher year-over-year earnings comparisons for companies later in the year. For now, the market is in the midst of a good, old-fashioned pullback and this is not the start of a financial crisis.  As such, we feel that the mending economic backdrop supports cautious opportunistic investing at these levels in the markets.

The Standard & Poor’s 500 Index is a capitalization-weighted index of 500 stocks designed to measure performance of the broad domestic economy through changes in the aggregate market value of 500 stocks representing all major industries.

This research material has been prepared by LPL Financial. The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. To determine which investment(s) may be appropriate for you, consult your financial advisor prior to investing. All performance referenced is historical and is no guarantee of future results. All indices are unmanaged and cannot be invested into directly.

Securities offered through LPL Financial, Member FINRA/SIPC, 641618, 05/11

One of the many emails I returned to after my trip contained a very important article I really want you to read because it simply reminds all of us how UNEQUAL the tax laws are for gay and lesbian couples in the United States.

The article reminds us that only 65% of Americans in general have a will, and it often takes a crisis such as a death to spur us to act.  According to the article, entitled ‘Gay Couples Caught in Financial Limbo’, gay and lesbian couples must now spend thousands of dollars putting into place the protections legal marriage confers easily and straight married couples take for granted.

Even so, when a partner dies, gay partners can still be charged estate taxes on their partner’s estate and we can’t receive social security benefits (as well as many other benefits married heterosexual couples enjoy).

These FACTS should concern everyone.  Money is always a major area of concern and stress for couples, even in the best of circumstances.  Imposing these additional financial losses, penalties and burdens on gay and lesbian couples is another reason why achieving marriage equality is so important, not only for individual gay and lesbian couples, but for the health and vitality of our entire country in these trying economic times.

And, often when talking to couples going through a difficult time, I sense a loss of belief in their love. It happens, probably to most couples at some point.  I know that doesn’t make it any easier to bear.  And, you shouldn’t bear it alone, without support.

I’m here to remind you to ‘keep the faith’.  If you’re single, just know that with the right focus, you can find her.  And, if you’re in a relationship, problems can often be solved or, even if they can’t be solved, they can still be dealt with, and often, without destroying all that you share.

So, today, in the spirit of hope, I give you Shania Twain’s amazing video ‘From this Moment on’.   Just take a few minutes to soak in the message, feeling how it feels to be this connected to love…

GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna

Lara is an accomplished author and editor who has put together ‘To Love and To Cherish’, an amazing anthology chronicling lesbian love, relationships and marriage.  And, indicative of her commitment to the issue, she’s selling the anthology with all proceeds going to Marriage Equality USA.

During our interview, Lara shared the fun she had bringing together the authors in the book as well as the entire process of editing and publishing the project.

At the end of our 60 minute interview, Lara shared a reading from one of the fourteen stories in the collection.  The collection includes three volumes:

• Volume I: On Bended Knee
• Volume II: With This Ring
• Volume III: Lives and Wives

Please note that Lara and the authors created this anthology without taking an income.  A true labor of love!

What a great deal:  when you buy this series you are both:

• Getting an amazing book
• Giving back to a very, worthy cause

By the way, I’m buying my Kindle copy right now for the great price of only $3.75!!!

Be sure you let me know how you are enjoying the stories!

Barb

The gist of Tiger’s talk was apology after apology, much like the consequences many who cheat eventually face.

Recently, during The Larry King Show on CNN, Dr. Drew Pinsky, one of my favorite celebrity shrinks, and other experts, along with women who have been victimized by infidelity, weighed in on the subject.

Pinsky believes we are in a ‘period of re-evaluation’ as a society. He states we just came out of the 1960’s and 1970’s where it was okay to ‘do whatever you wanted, to make yourself happy’, even if it was destructive to yourself, your marriage, your spouse, your kids, etc.

Be sure to click here now to learn what the experts are saying. For example, one of my favorite experts, psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Amen, whose specialty is psychobiology, puts forth a theory that celebrities are always getting the pleasure center of their brain stimulated, like Tiger Woods.

The down side of all this pleasure, according to Amen, is that the pleasure center ‘wears out’ and requires more and more excitement to feel good. Perhaps these folks are more easily tempted to cheat to ‘up the ante’ or, ’sensation-seek’.

Dr. Amen also reports that testosterone may be implicated in cheating as well. Meaning those men who received higher levels of testosterone in utero have longer 4th fingers than 2nd fingers and are more likely to cheat.

This finger hypothesis sounds eerily similar to the ‘who is lesbian’ study from a few years back that showed women with longer ring fingers than index fingers were more likely to be gay.

In fact, I even blogged about this topic awhile back.  Somehow it just doesn’t seem fair (or does it?):  a longer ring finger leads to extramarital affairs and/or lesbianism???  

Let’s just hope folks don’t start to equate being lesbian with cheating.  Ha!

Most importantly I like that Dr. Pinsky reiterated ‘genes are not destiny’. Yes, these chemical processes are real and, some of us may be more challenged than others to stay true to one person.  So, perhaps that just means some of us can’t covet our neighbors like some of us need to get up from the table and walk away from that second piece of cake for dessert!

Dr. Helen Fisher, also a researcher on the subject, seemed to agree with Pinsky by saying, in a recent interview with Rutger’s University paper,

“Adultery can be compared to other harmful acts like drug or alcohol abuse, which can be controlled…The bottom line is, through research and different studies, we get to learn more about the various human conditions, and like drugs and alcohol, adultery can fall into this category. We, as people, have the ability to say no and overcome these obstacles.”

Hmmm…..more to come on this topic for sure.

It might be just me, but I wondered if the fact Carol got ‘thrown under the bus’ first had anything to do with subtle homophobic feelings other female contestants on her team felt towards her?

I’m not saying those feelings are big, intentional or even conscious.  But, perhaps they were there, subtly affecting the perceptions of the heterosexual women on Carol’s team.  Either way it was a hard position for all the women.  Perhaps Carol really was the ‘weakest link’?

I know that one tense conflict we were shown during the contest was Holly asking Carol to get out front to bring in to identify and bring in bigger donors and Carol not listening.  And Carol stating that Holly ‘didn’t want to break a nail’ to work harder.  Meow, cat fight!

One thing I noticed is this: Cyndi Lauper stuck to her guns and wouldn’t talk anyone down, including Leifer. True, blue gay friendly that’s Cyndi.

Of course we all love Cyndi Lauper. As much as I love Cyndi, if anyone needs to take responsibility for her team’s loss isn’t it her? Or, if not Cyndi (after all she and Sharon Osbourne are probably ‘too big to fail’), why not some of the other ‘minor’ players? Why Carol?

After all, as far as I know, she’s the only lesbian on the team.  Was her performance really that much worse than most of the other teammates?  I wish I knew more of the statistics, like tip totals, like Donald Trump’s son does. 

It was painful watching the women have to talk against each other. At first, even though Donald prodded, no one would break with the ranks. I had to laugh when Donald said something to the effect of ‘I know you all love each other and all, but, come on’!

Truth be told, I missed the first half of the show, so perhaps I am being judgmental, playing the ‘gay card’ and taking this too personal. But, I just had to wonder:

Who would Donald have fired if the women continued
to stick to their guns and not single out Carol?

Hmmmm….what do you think?

The WBI has launched a series of teleseminars for the women’s business community. In fact, last fall I was honored to have been invited to moderate one of these events: a panel discussion with high achieving professional women on the issue of work/family balance. You can read more about this event by clicking here.

In honor of March being Women’s History Month, today’s guest on the WBI teleconference is Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney. Wow – I can’t believe I came right before such an accomplished, American servant!

Maloney was just introduced by the executive director of the NGLCC Justin Nelson. He mentioned many of her past votes on issues of concern to the women’s and GLBT communities (such as hate crimes legislation).

Maloney began talking by sharing with us that she was just coming back from an awards ceremony recognizing those female aviators from World War II who didn’t receive any service benefits like the men in the military. For example, if one of these aviators died, ‘in the line of duty’ their families had to pay for their funerals.

Maloney spoke of her support of legislation such as repealing the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), passing ENDA, etc. And, she’s fighting for federal paid sick leave laws for domestic partners.

She’s very concerned about the very anti-gay Ugandan law being proposed that would make being gay a crime punishable by death and has gone to Uganda to testify against it, calling the law the ‘most offensive piece of legislation’ she’s ever seen.

On health care reform she reports the importance of covering those who are uninsured right now. Why is health care reform essential to women? Women are more likely to go without care because of cost. Over 55% of women over age 50 haven’t received a recommended mammogram.

Maloney reminded us that it’s the ‘working poor’ who are most likely to be uninsured. I would add that most of these folks work harder than many in higher economic classes do and they aren’t slackers, even though many people still judge them in this way. Be sure to read Barbara Ehrenreich’s work on this topic if you’re still wondering!

So much is being discussed on the call, it is hard taking it all in! Suffice it to say that Maloney is involved on multiple fronts to help small business, the unemployed, etc. She reminded us that yes, we are still losing jobs, but at only about one fifth of the rate we were during the end of George Bush’s presidency.

Maloney also talked about her book and how there is still ‘deep discrimination’ out there against women in the work force, even as we are moving forward.

She summed it up by saying that we must do what we can to elect the leaders who ‘best reflect our values’ and that we must band together to get ‘what’s right’ done. Thank you to Congressman Maloney for being such a strong, yet gentle and caring person. The next time I’m tempted to ‘trash all politicians’ I’ll remember Ms. Maloney!

Whether you are single, dating or coupled, it’s time for YOU to begin the journey to experiencing more of what you want in your love life!   To help you continue your journey to a more amazing love life, I want to invite you to an exciting new tele-seminar I’m leading called

Coach Sappho’s ‘Secrets to Creating the Love Life You Deserve’ Tele-Discussion

You see, I’m sure you know success in anything requires more than reading a book, taking a quiz or, even chillin’ and having fun.  Success happens when we learn not only what works, but when we learn how to DO what works. Easier said than done, right?  All of this can seem pretty daunting, especially when it comes to love and relationships.

Bill Moyers just interviewed the two straight attorneys representing the gay couple and lesbian couple who are suing the State of California for denying them the right to marry.  PBS calls this suit a ‘well financed challenge to California’s Proposition 8′.

Stories such as this sure makes me hope (and think) there has to be a ‘greater plan’ in the universe.  The two attorneys I am referring to are Ted Olson, a conservative and David Boies, a liberal.

Do these names sound familiar to you? If not, just know that these two men went against each other in the infamous Bush v. Gore Supreme Court case that stopped the Florida recount and awarded George Bush the presidency.

Now Olson and Boies are working on the same team to help gay and lesbian citizens achieve full equality on the marriage front.  Yes, they are starting the ‘battle’ in California, but their bet is that eventually, and, sooner rather than later, someone will take the marriage equality issue to the United States Supreme Court.

Olson and Boies want to make sure gays and lesbians have the best chance of coming out on top.  They’re betting they can represent gay Americans better than anyone and they are ready to do so.

You will love what these men have to say about human rights, our Constitution and our Bill of Rights.  All of these issues point directly and decisively to the fact that unless gays and lesbians are allowed to marry, we are, as a country going against the most important values we hold as a nation.  And we are going against the most credible research on the topic.

There is no turning back.  America’s current treatment of gays and lesbians is abhorrent, when seen in the way Boies and Olson frame the issue.

Click here to watch Moyer’s excellent interview of these two bright, compassionate men.  Just the fact that this intelligent, conservative man (Olson) sat there, responding so clearly and rationally, to the usual arguments anti-gays use when talking about same sex marriage, will change some hearts.