So, if gays can fight and die for their country, why can’t they marry people they love?  -ABC’s Jake Tapper.

I’ve been taking a break from my blogging lately, if you hadn’t noticed. I apologize if you’ve missed me!

And, I just returned from Christmas celebrations, mostly enjoyed up north with family and friends. While I was away, the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) happened. I am amazed at how it all came together ultimately.  Aren’t you?  Of course, ask those central to making this happen and you will hear how ‘blood, sweat and tears’ it took to make DADT go away.

Driving home yesterday, I happened to listen in on a conservative radio station. Of course, they believe repeal of DADT is immoral.  And, those of us who believe the opposite believe DADT was what was immoral.  I know one thing:  I’m grateful we have a democratic President in office awhile.   I agree with Rachel Maddow, who recently said, ‘DADT caused massive damage to many lives.’

Apparently, President Obama, who has publicly stated he doesn’t believe in gay marriage, is even reconsidering that other very controversial anti-gay federal law – The Defense of Marriage Act.  He is even reconsidering gay marriage.  During an interview after signing the repeal of DADT he was asked by reporter Jake Tapper:

So, if gays can fight and die for their country, why can’t they marry people they love?

Yes, indeed.  Why can’t they?  I would reword his question to say: Why can’t gays and lesbians marry the person they love?  Lest someone start saying:  oh, they want to marry more than one person!?! 

If nothing else, the repeal of DADT reminds me how keeping the faith and keeping one’s ‘eyes on the prize’, even when it’s difficult to do so and defeat seems certain, often brings victory.   I am amazed…

Hello there!  I’m so glad to be back home after my amazing trip north for a niece’s wedding, visiting with family and colleagues, enjoying Maryland steamed crabs, etc.  Ahhh…look to the left, here I am at the close of my trip enjoying the hot, hot Baltimore Gay Pride Festival!

One of the many emails I returned to after my trip contained a very important article I really want you to read because it simply reminds all of us how UNEQUAL the tax laws are for gay and lesbian couples in the United States.

The article reminds us that only 65% of Americans in general have a will, and it often takes a crisis such as a death to spur us to act.  According to the article, entitled ‘Gay Couples Caught in Financial Limbo’, gay and lesbian couples must now spend thousands of dollars putting into place the protections legal marriage confers easily and straight married couples take for granted.

Even so, when a partner dies, gay partners can still be charged estate taxes on their partner’s estate and we can’t receive social security benefits (as well as many other benefits married heterosexual couples enjoy).

These FACTS should concern everyone.  Money is always a major area of concern and stress for couples, even in the best of circumstances.  Imposing these additional financial losses, penalties and burdens on gay and lesbian couples is another reason why achieving marriage equality is so important, not only for individual gay and lesbian couples, but for the health and vitality of our entire country in these trying economic times.

I know it’s been a tough week for equality, fairness and for gay Californians especially.  The rest of the country is looking on, and doing all it can to be supportive.  That includes me, here in Florida.

I posted to a lesbian relationship blog I read quite often earlier today.  The blog’s creator lamented her frustration with the California decision and suggested perhaps we should stop wanting marriage and accept civil unions.

That’s a ‘mental space’ I’ve fallen into as well, at times.  That’s just what those who thrive on denying people civil rights want us to do.  That’s where I was back last year when I invited Evan Wolfson, from Freedom to Marry, to Coach Sappho’s podcast.  I was feeling defeated about gay marriage and, it’s chances of ever becoming the law of the entire U.S.

(more…)

I was pleased to see that Dr. Peter Beilenson (who I remember as the Director of Health in Baltimore City, my home town) was quoted recently in the Washington Post for defining the lack of allowing same sex partners to marry as a ‘public health’ problem!  Now I know why I always loved this guy.

According to Beilenson…

“…what about the strong body of evidence that married couples fare much better, both physically and psychologically, than unmarried, cohabiting couples? This evidence alone illustrates that denying same-sex couples access to civil marriage is, quite simply, relegating them to inferior health status.”

Beilenson doesn’t stop there.  What he said next really made me mad about marriage inequality…

“Compared with unmarried partners, married couples have lower rates of depression and substance abuse, make fewer doctor visits, and suffer lower rates of overall mortality. Elderly married adults have lower health-care costs and have a lower likelihood of needing nursing-home care. Children of married parents do better as well — experiencing better physical health into adulthood.”

As Beilenson says, how can we as a society deny certain members of our community these ‘protections’, protections heterosexually married citizens take for granted?  Hey – I pay taxes too and am no different from straight couples who do.

And yet, I am denied this choice. Some might say each individual cannot be reduced to a health statistic, but the facts are thus: because I can’t choose to marry the person I desire, because I am denied that choice, I may be more at risk for some of the health problems Beilenson mentions above.

I was just talking with a gay Californian today who, even though they were single, said they felt, for the first time, like a whole person, after passage of Proposition 8.  This story illustrates the health benefits of choice.

Be sure you read the entire article here.  And, the direct link is here – http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/14/AR2009031401559.html

I just took a minute to check the news and voila…some amazing news just hit the airwaves:

Vermont has become the 4th state in America to legalize gay marriage!

Wow – how, you ask, did that happen?  Particularly when most of us were resigned to the fact Vermont’s  anti-gay governor’s veto would turn back the legislature’s majority vote?  Well -there’s a law in Vermont that states if enough of a majority of the legislature weighs in, in favor of a measure, a governor’s veto can be overcome.  And, that’s exactly what happened!

I read this just at the same time they are talking on MSNBC that a recent poll shows only 23% of America states they are republicans.  Obviously, this is a time those who think from a republican mindset need to evaluate their positions.  Rush Limbaugh are you listening?

Click here for more details on the Vermont vote.

I don’t know about you but I am constantly reminded how important it is for all fair-minded US citizens to press forward in the battle for marriage equality.  Today was no different.  In one day, I saw three stories highlighting the obvious unfairness and inequality gay and lesbian singles and couples (and ‘widows’ of a gay or lesbian partner) face financially, because they can’t marry.

These real life reports reinforce perfectly my Suze Orman post from the other day, when she spoke out on the unfairness of denying anyone the financial benefits marriage provides…

• A fight may be brewing on the provision of benefits to the same sex partners of federal employees – In the news today is evidence of the ‘brewing’ focus on the issue of same sex partner benefits for federal goverment employees.  (more…)

Coming across my desk today are two worth-mentioning posts on the all-so-important practical aspects of living and loving – relationship agreements and estate and tax planning.  As lesbian couples become more celebratory of their relationships, they will hunger for this sort of information.  I, as always, am ‘thinking ahead’ for you!

Be sure to check both of these resources out BEFORE you check your Myspace, Facebook pages or post on Twitter today:

• Estate and Tax Planning for LGBT’s – great information, just in time for tax season!  Thanks to my colleagues over at the Lesbian Dating and Relationships blog for the heads up.

• Jaysays interview of Merle Horowitz’s book on ‘cohabitation agreements’.  Thanks to my bud Genia Stevens over at gaywallet.com for this information.

Eat these up!  Your relationship (or next relationship) depends on getting a handle on subjects such as these!   As Jaysays post title sums all of this up perfectly:  “Love is Love, but business is business.”  Whether you accept it or not, and whether you ever get married or legalize your relationship in some way or not, when you join your life with another person, business IS part of your relationship.  Mark my words.

Traditionally, women didn’t often handle the ‘money’ and ‘decision making’ aspects of their love relationships and most of us, as women, still have that ‘limiting belief’ floating around in our subconsciousnesses.  Someone, some may argue it was men, blinded our ancestral sisters to the practical aspects of our love relationships with romantic, ‘happily ever after’ fantasies.

We still believe some of these things, but, we need to stop having our heads in the clouds when it comes to money and love.  We CAN ‘live happily ever after’, however, it takes some planning…

Barb Elgin