In my travels, I often meet some really amazing women doing incredibly good ‘works’.  Below is a special request from one of them.  Her name is Wendy Payne and, as part of earning her doctorate, she is researching the effects of marriage on the health and wellness of lesbians.

Wow – what great news!  You know this topic is something I write about often and I’d like to thank Wendy for choosing to study lesbians who are married.  I’m sure her work will add to the growing body of research showing that gay marriage supports a more successful, healthy (not just ‘just’) society.

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When it comes to today’s world, and especially the ‘internet world’, all of us are awash in a sea of information, aren’t we?  The same is definitely true when it comes to online dating and matchmaking.  And, as in all things in this life, there are some pros and cons to this state of affairs.

On the positive side, I look at today’s online environment for singles as a banquet or feast.  In addition to the ability to reach out and search practically anywhere in the world to find other women, the addition of testing to online search sites gives us some really cool ’systems’ and ‘theories’, if you will, that we can dive into, learn, take their tests and determine things like ‘your type’ and ‘those who might be attracted to or, complementary to, you’.

Then – on the negative or, ‘realistically optimistic’ side, or devil’s advocate position – think of the feeling you get when you’ve eaten (or drank) too much!  I don’t know about you, but its’ easy to become ‘overwhelmed’ by all of the ‘newfangled’ theories and methods available about love and dating on the internet today.

The good news is that there is significant power and resources being put behind the ‘problem’ of ‘finding a date, soul mate or life partner’.  There are several big time corporations now organized and powerful enough to do large scale research and development, beyond what your typical university or professor can do, and, for the most part, the results (and benefits to you) are worth considering.

One example of a ‘cutting edge’, research-based ‘compatibility’ system added on to your basic online dating is the Chemistry.com system.  I might be somewhat positively-biased on this one because I know Helen Fisher, the anthropologist who created the heart of their ‘personality typing’ and ‘matching’ system.

Helen’s system is based on her love: evolution and biology.  (more…)

I’m sad to announce that yesterday, my 18 year and some odd month old miniature pinscher Ruby passed away at approximately 5p ET.  As someone said today in a kind email to me…

“So sorry to hear about your dog.  I know that it can be a really sad loss for us, especially we GLBT people.  Often our pets are our babies.”

So true, and, for Ruby, whose care had become more time and energy consuming over her last few months, I think the more I put into caring for her, the more I cared about her.  So the loss is extra hard.

But even in my grief, I am trying to keep perspective.  I have great memories of her and I have so much still to be grateful for in my life today.

Thanks to everyone who have called and sent well wishes.  Especially memorable were words such as: ‘as long as she lived it was obvious you loved her and cared well for her’ and ‘remember that you aren’t alone and many have traveled this road before you’.

Your words of comfort really DO help.  I did get a good night’s sleep last night and today I feel better.  This blog post is in honor of Ruby’s memory and I know it’s cathartic for me to post about it here to my online ‘family’.

Ruby was a ‘one in a million dog’ in many ways.

I was speaking with a new client this morning who recently ended an 8 year relationship with another woman.  She feels she is ‘healing’ and says she wants me to help her overcome the ’serial monogamy’, u-haul game and find a lifelong partner the next time around.

What a great time, btw, for someone to enlist support!  I remember back to my therapy training days when we learned that crises may seem overwhelming but they are also a time when we are more open to change.  That’s right – the Chinese were right – crisis =’s opportunity!  And making some internal changes (as well as some changes in her actions) will be required of this client if she expects to ever stop ‘leasing’ U-Hauls!!!  (more…)