So I want to encourage the woman who this is happening to, to just follow your true self. Just be your authentic self because there’s nothing sexier or more beautiful than that. You can be younger and a fake…I much prefer talking with [or] being friends with the person who’s older and themselves.
- Carol Leifer, comedian

The topic of discovering you are lesbian at age 40 or older is a hot one, in the media and in the press.  It is really not known how common this phenomenon of ‘coming out later in life’ is, but, it definitely touches a nerve, especially in the lesbian community.

This morning I was catching up on some email and I came across a great article on the comedian Carol Leifer, whose story of coming out at midlife is now spreading across the country.   She’s even written a book about her experience, called “When You Lie About Your Age, The Terrorists Win”.

It is really not known how common this phenomenon is, but, it definitely touches a nerve, especially in the lesbian community.

Now, certainly Leifer’s story is unusual in that she’s famous (actually, I hadn’t heard of her until her life story has become more visible).   And, she admits it’s easier for her living in Los Angeles, where there is a higher percentage of gays and lesbians than many areas of the country.

However, it turned out that Leifer wasn’t just ‘experimenting’.  At first she admits she was looking for a ’sexual’ fling, but here it is 13 years later and she’s been a relationship with the first woman she met (and fell in love with) since then.

I thought it might be interesting to discuss, here on the blog, her story, as it relates to yours.  Did you come out ‘later in life’, like Carol?  If you did, how did it go (or, how is it going) for you?  What were/are your biggest challenges?

Did/do you encounter frustration from lesbians you date as you ‘figure it all out’?  How is your family handling your ‘mid-course change’?

What differences, if any, do you experience, between being with a man and being with a woman in a love or dating relationship?

Fascinating subject, isn’t it?

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.  Be sure to stop by Coach Sappho’s website today, take Coach Sappho’s ‘Luscious Lesbian Living and Loving Quiz’ and call Barb to set up a complimentary phone call to get the most out of your results.

©2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Yesterday, I shared with you Part 1 of this 2 part post on ‘The connection between celebrating your sexuality and deeply satisfying, lasting love’.  Today, in Part 2, I continue to describe the ‘celebrating who you are’ continuum and adopting a celebratory attitude about yourself and your life.

TOLERANCE OF ONE’S LESBIANISM

Tolerance is a stage most gays and lesbians also go through.  When you tolerate something you are acknowledging it (versus denying it).  However, all of us know the feeling of ‘tolerating’ something.  It’s not usually fun, and the attitude is akin to ‘grinning and bearing something’ or ‘putting up with someone or something unpleasant’.

Kind of like the friends and/or family members who choose, after many years of knowing the ‘truth’ about us, to continue to say they aren’t happy with our ‘chosen lifestyle’. People who tolerate us may let us bring our partners to family events and, they may even become fond of our partners.

However, it is less likely they will openly acknowledge our partners fully as our ’spouses’ and they most likely do not view our love relationships as equal to theirs. (more…)

As I talk with lesbian singles and couples all over the world, I am struck how often they aren’t aware how their level of self acceptance and celebration of their lesbianism impacts their ability to find, grow and nurture a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship.

Celebration of one’s sexual orientation is one of the ten most important ‘love readiness’ areas.  For those of you new to the idea of readiness, readiness is a concept that says your ability and availability to attract, form and grow a deeply satisfying and lasting relationship is dependent upon your ‘readiness’ for such a relationship.

Following from the above definition, whether you are single or coupled, the more ‘ready’ you are for love, the more love you can experience and create with another woman.

TAKE COACH SAPPHO’S RELATIONSHIP READINESS QUIZ

For those of you who have taken my 10 question, quick, yet powerful quiz – Coach Sappho’s Relationship Readiness Quiz – you know that question number ten asks you to assess, on a scale from 0 to 10, how much you celebrate (versus merely tolerate, or, accept) your sexuality.  If you haven’t yet taken the quiz, I highly encourage you do so.  The quiz is free and you receive your score immediately!

(more…)

Can you say you absolutely love your life and your work?  Well I can.  And I want the same for you.  You see, I truly believe that the only life worth living is the examined one and that all of us are here for more than meets the eye!  All of us are conscious, loving beings, and I believe we are continuously becoming more of who we are…if we choose to connect with and nurture that part of ourselves.  I know what a challenge all of this can be, making your life your own when you’ve still got to pay the bills, wash the dishes and put up with others who care more about taking your freedoms away than making life better for all!  However, I do know this:  feeling more alive and deeper life satisfaction awaits those who courageously choose their authentic path! 

So, if…

• you are a GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered) or GLBT-friendly individual, couple, parent(s), family, group or organization and you are ready to clarify your individual and/or mutual life vision(s) and live that vision with gusto OR
• you are GLBT (or think you might be) and you are ready to live a more authentic life

I’ll bet it’s worth your time to get to know me.  To get started, be sure to check out:

• Coach Sappho®, which I founded in 2001, offers exciting, cutting edge relationship enhancement and improvement coaching, seminars and conferences (by telephone and in person) for singles and couples who sincerely value and are committed to finding, creating and cherishing a deeply satisfying, lifelong relationship with an ‘ideal’ partner.
• LesbianDatingCoach, a blog specifically for lesbian singles, 18 and up.
• Authentic Loving, a blog where you’ll find oodles of relationship articles and posts written by myself and other experts, online discussions, tips and resources.
• Relationship MAGIC for Life, where you’ll learn 5 keys to relationship success.
• Authentic Gay Living, which provides a ’safe place’ exploring what it means to live an authentic gay life and why supporting individuals for doing so is morally right.

© 2001-2006, Barb Elgin (DBA BE A Success Enterprises, LLC). Coach Sappho® is a registered U.S. Trademark, 2006-2011. All rights reserved.