I talk with lesbians from all over the world about their love lives.  And it’s an honor.  I work hard everyday to become better at supporting their success.  I LOVE my job!

I love what I do because I know, personally and professionally, how important love is to all of us.  Research is showing, more and more, how vital a healthy, happy love relationship is to a person’s quality of life.  This is all the more reason it’s important to fight for our relationship rights.  We deserve to have access to the experience of marriage, which is an opportunity unlike any other for finding the ultimate romantic fulfillment.

Yes, people like to joke about the fervor with which many gays and lesbians wish to be married.  Straight comedians like to say, ‘I’m for gay marriage – Why not let gays and lesbians have all the hassle of marriage too!?!’.  Well, they have a point, but, ultimately they are speaking from a much different perspective from which I come: they’ve never NOT had the right to marry who they want to marry.  Big difference!

People who don’t ‘get’ it also don’t get that it’s NOT just about our individual rights.  When a person is able to freely pursue their happiness fully, the entire society benefits.  People who are fully supported with a caring, loving relationship at home are more likely to be productive at work, use less health care, contribute positively to other relationships and their communities, etc.

I want to be as vocal and confident as Dan Choi is (as he talks about military matters) when it comes to telling society to drop the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ attitude towards our right to love.  How about you?

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Wow!  This is a story that continues to intrigue.  Chely Wright, country singer, has announced she’s gay.  So, what’s so remarkable about this coming out story?

As Chely just spoke of on the Today Show, there is still a risk in the country music world, and among it’s fans, of being ostracized.  After all, she said, country music has always been associated with god, America and family.

I haven’t read Chely’s new book yet, Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer, but it certainly seems a must read.

Chely states (more…)

That’s right – Coach Sappho has a booth at Orlando Pride next weekend in the ‘City Beautiful’, starting at 12p noon ET.

This will be Coach Sappho’s first appearance at Orlando Pride.  We’re psyched.  Last year, Orlando Pride drew over 45,000 visitors.  This year is sure to attract even more.

Orlando Gay Pride events are being held all next weekend, starting on Thursday and culminating with the festival and parade on Sunday, October 11, 2009, which is also, by the way, Coming Out Day!  Orlando Gay Pride’s Festival is held in Lake Eola Park.

Coach Sappho will have a booth in Lake Eola Park.  Be sure to stop on by and say ‘hi’.  America’s favorite lesbian love coach will be offering booth visitors lazer coaching sessions, giving away goodies and some surprises too!

Click here for all the details.

So I want to encourage the woman who this is happening to, to just follow your true self. Just be your authentic self because there’s nothing sexier or more beautiful than that. You can be younger and a fake…I much prefer talking with [or] being friends with the person who’s older and themselves.
- Carol Leifer, comedian

The topic of discovering you are lesbian at age 40 or older is a hot one, in the media and in the press.  It is really not known how common this phenomenon of ‘coming out later in life’ is, but, it definitely touches a nerve, especially in the lesbian community.

This morning I was catching up on some email and I came across a great article on the comedian Carol Leifer, whose story of coming out at midlife is now spreading across the country.   She’s even written a book about her experience, called “When You Lie About Your Age, The Terrorists Win”.

It is really not known how common this phenomenon is, but, it definitely touches a nerve, especially in the lesbian community.

Now, certainly Leifer’s story is unusual in that she’s famous (actually, I hadn’t heard of her until her life story has become more visible).   And, she admits it’s easier for her living in Los Angeles, where there is a higher percentage of gays and lesbians than many areas of the country.

However, it turned out that Leifer wasn’t just ‘experimenting’.  At first she admits she was looking for a ‘sexual’ fling, but here it is 13 years later and she’s been a relationship with the first woman she met (and fell in love with) since then.

I thought it might be interesting to discuss, here on the blog, her story, as it relates to yours.  Did you come out ‘later in life’, like Carol?  If you did, how did it go (or, how is it going) for you?  What were/are your biggest challenges?

Did/do you encounter frustration from lesbians you date as you ‘figure it all out’?  How is your family handling your ‘mid-course change’?

What differences, if any, do you experience, between being with a man and being with a woman in a love or dating relationship?

Fascinating subject, isn’t it?

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.  Be sure to stop by Coach Sappho’s website today, take Coach Sappho’s ‘Luscious Lesbian Living and Loving Quiz’ and call Barb to set up a complimentary phone call to get the most out of your results.

©2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Seems the issue of ‘coming out’ later in life as a lesbian continues to be a hot topic in the media.  I received a couple of emails yesterday from people in my networks asking me whether I think ‘latehood lesbianism’ is increasing as a phenomenon and why I think that is.  The magazine More.com did a piece on the topic this month called

Over 40 and Over Men

Great title, btw.  But, seriously, it is no surprise to me that we are seeing an increase in women ‘becoming gay’ later in life.  Hey, I am buddies and live in the same town as the infamous Elaine Weber, who came out at 79!  Isn’t she amazing!?!

Now, most women who knew they were gay, like Elaine, lived in a time and place where it was very risky to come out.  The result became that they either never lived an ‘out’ life or, eventually did come out (at least to themselves, a partner and to other gay friends and allies) in early or mid adulthood.  Today, the situation is much more accepting for women to be who they are and/or explore their sexual orientation.  I’m sure Elaine, if she were in her 40′s today, would probably have ‘come out’ by now.

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Yesterday, I shared with you Part 1 of this 2 part post on ‘The connection between celebrating your sexuality and deeply satisfying, lasting love’.  Today, in Part 2, I continue to describe the ‘celebrating who you are’ continuum and adopting a celebratory attitude about yourself and your life.

TOLERANCE OF ONE’S LESBIANISM

Tolerance is a stage most gays and lesbians also go through.  When you tolerate something you are acknowledging it (versus denying it).  However, all of us know the feeling of ‘tolerating’ something.  It’s not usually fun, and the attitude is akin to ‘grinning and bearing something’ or ‘putting up with someone or something unpleasant’.

Kind of like the friends and/or family members who choose, after many years of knowing the ‘truth’ about us, to continue to say they aren’t happy with our ‘chosen lifestyle’. People who tolerate us may let us bring our partners to family events and, they may even become fond of our partners.

However, it is less likely they will openly acknowledge our partners fully as our ‘spouses’ and they most likely do not view our love relationships as equal to theirs. (more…)

As I talk with lesbian singles and couples all over the world, I am struck how often they aren’t aware how their level of self acceptance and celebration of their lesbianism impacts their ability to find, grow and nurture a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship.

Celebration of one’s sexual orientation is one of the ten most important ‘love readiness’ areas.  For those of you new to the idea of readiness, readiness is a concept that says your ability and availability to attract, form and grow a deeply satisfying and lasting relationship is dependent upon your ‘readiness’ for such a relationship.

Following from the above definition, whether you are single or coupled, the more ‘ready’ you are for love, the more love you can experience and create with another woman.

TAKE COACH SAPPHO’S RELATIONSHIP READINESS QUIZ

For those of you who have taken my 10 question, quick, yet powerful quiz – Coach Sappho’s Relationship Readiness Quiz – you know that question number ten asks you to assess, on a scale from 0 to 10, how much you celebrate (versus merely tolerate, or, accept) your sexuality.  If you haven’t yet taken the quiz, I highly encourage you do so.  The quiz is free and you receive your score immediately!

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