As Americans celebrate Thanksgiving, I thought I’d share my ‘heart thoughts’ on the single most important thing you can do today to celebrate the holiday…

Thank yourself and be grateful for YOU!

That’s right!  Take some time today to thank yourself for all that you are and all that you do.  We live in a culture that tends to be so judgmental and/or ‘externally’ focused.  We live in a world that too often values how much we make, how big or modern a home we live in, how much we ‘go all out’ in celebrating, etc.

Now, externals aren’t all bad, mind you.  I too am of the belief that material abundance and inner abundance can go ‘hand-in-hand’.

I hope you’ll take a few minutes to realize all you do for others.  I hope you’ll reflect upon all that’s ‘right’ and ‘good’ about you.  And I hope you’ll think about all the wonderful characteristics that make up you.  Your core values, your strengths, your uniqueness and how you positively impact the world.

This is not a selfish, mediate on your navel suggestion.  Taking care of you (the golden goose) is vital to continuing to lay those golden eggs!  This is ESPECIALLY important if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered (or intersexed, for that matter), because society doesn’t fully yet ‘get’ our value to the whole and, instead, often tries to take away our joy.  Don’t let them! 

Just because some people still have ‘issues’, INSIDE OF THEM (not you) regarding gender and sex, that doesn’t mean YOU have to take on their problems or burdens.

So, don’t lose ‘you’ in the process of today’s events.  There are many ways to ‘lose you’ today.  However, I won’t even list them here, because words have power.  Instead I want you to envision the day you desire and then, go forth with your day.  Period! 

As you are challenged to stay WITH your vision of a perfect day, just remember the ‘voice of Coach Sappho’ inside your head and heart, gently encouraging you back on YOUR path…

Part of your perfect day vision probably includes remembering to do at least a couple of the daily routines you participate in that keep you well, such as exercise, meditation, prayer, making love (like how I put that right next to prayer!?!), even some good ‘ol portion control or, at a minimum, eating small portions of the most ‘fattening’ stuff, etc….

And let me know how doing all of this impacts the Thanksgiving you experience!  Post your thoughts and feelings about it all right here on the blog.

Lastly, if you are despairing today, take a moment and read the words Orlando realtor and colleague, Danny Veal, sent me in a Thanksgiving email card today.  What a positive ‘reframe’ indeed, so, thank you! Danny…

Thoughts for Thanksgiving

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary, because it means you’ve made a difference. It’s easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive. Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.

Have a wonderful day!

Barb Elgin
Founder/CEO
Coach Sappho?
Inspiring healthy and fulfilling
lesbian dating and mating!

I spent most of late last week and the weekend attending a fantastic conference on the topic of psychiatry and mental health.  Nothing like being surrounded by about 2,000 ’shrinks’!

Great people, by the way.  I met folks from all over the world as well as neighbors/colleagues I didn’t know I had!  It’s really funny how that works.  The world is truly a small place. 

The conference took place at a resort-style hotel in Orlando.  You know psychiatrists – they work hard and play hard!  I do know we sure ate well!

At the risk of over-simplifying (which is truly impossible to avoid, but I’ll do my best), I’d like to share with you some of the most memorable information I learned during this ‘cutting edge’ conference:

• The field of medicine is coming to understand that depression is a ‘whole body’ illness (versus a condition that is ‘all in your head’).  What this means is that the body and brain are somehow closely involved in creating depression and/or creating or exacerbating traditional ‘physical’ illnesses such as heart disease and diabetes.
• The field of medicine is also coming to respect the so-called ‘psychosomatic’ illness of fibromyalgia as a serious medical diagnosis.
• Talk therapies and exercise, not just medications, can work together (and sometimes on their own) to improve mood and save or grow cell volume in important areas of the brain.
• Un- or under-treated depression can lead to the death of brain cells in key areas of the brain (leading to problems in cognition, memory, the ability to organize/plan, make sound decisions, etc.).
• Great strides are being made in the treatment of bipolar disorder (while bipolar, mixed continues to be the hardest to treat) as well as schizophrenia.
• There is a ‘revolution’ growing amongst physicians who are starting to stand up to the negative impact managed care is having on the doctor-patient relationship.

In addition to all of this technical stuff, one of the most well attended lectures was one given by a psychiatrist whose specialty is love!  I was very intrigued by his presentation and plan to explore his work as it might help me enhance my abilities in working with singles and couples.

Speaking of which, the last idea I want to share with you that was discussed during the conference was the topic of personality change over one’s lifetime.

Yes, all of us have ‘personalities’ that make you ‘you’ and me ‘me’.  However, this ‘unique-ness’  does change for most of us over the course of our lifetimes.  Would I recognize you at 70 if I hadn’t spent any time with you since you were 20?  Great question, isn’t it?

I do know this:  if I accepted every theory about personality that emphasized immutability over adaption and evolution, I probably wouldn’t have chosen coaching as a career.  I tend to minimize theories that look at my personality as fixed.  For example:  if I accepted the theory that people who are shy can’t become less so, you probably wouldn’t have met me because I’d be in a much less visible profession!

I look at most personality tests or assessments as a ’starting point’, meaning, here is how you look at ‘you’ right now.  But, that doesn’t mean that’s it.  The problem with these sorts of tests and theories starts when we LIMIT ourselves based on our scores.

The problem with personality tests, theories and ‘results’/’scores’, in my opinion, occurs when individuals take them as the gospel truth and start to live their lives IN REACTION TO them or as a SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY!  I don’t know about you but I don’t believe I’m merely reduceable to a number, label or technical phrase. 

In addition, when we start using a personality score as an excuse to stop engaging as fully as we can with life, I think we are in trouble.

Where do we draw the lines?  At what point are medications actually detrimental, as well?  The answers aren’t always clear cut and I don’t think Thomas Szasz, the guy who debunks most psychology, is completely nuts!  There is some truth to the thought that labelling someone immediately puts a distance between you and them and/or reduces them to a ‘case’ instead of a person.

I look at humans as much less ‘determined’ than most personality theories would suggest.  Given the right kind and amount of support, most humans can blossom in incredible ways.  And, we now know that the brain doesn’t stop growing once we become adults.  So, I don’t buy anyone’s excuse not to try because they are ‘too old to change’!  We just need to figure out someone’s passion and help them create change in a way that impassions them to do so!

Lastly, personality ‘traits’ and sexual orientation are two different things.  Sexual orientation, on the whole, is not chosen, while personality (or, behavior) is more malleable.  I know some folks will disagree with me however, that is my sense of things at this point, given the research.