I talk with lesbians from all over the world about their love lives.  And it’s an honor.  I work hard everyday to become better at supporting their success.  I LOVE my job!

I love what I do because I know, personally and professionally, how important love is to all of us.  Research is showing, more and more, how vital a healthy, happy love relationship is to a person’s quality of life.  This is all the more reason it’s important to fight for our relationship rights.  We deserve to have access to the experience of marriage, which is an opportunity unlike any other for finding the ultimate romantic fulfillment.

Yes, people like to joke about the fervor with which many gays and lesbians wish to be married.  Straight comedians like to say, ‘I’m for gay marriage – Why not let gays and lesbians have all the hassle of marriage too!?!’.  Well, they have a point, but, ultimately they are speaking from a much different perspective from which I come: they’ve never NOT had the right to marry who they want to marry.  Big difference!

People who don’t ‘get’ it also don’t get that it’s NOT just about our individual rights.  When a person is able to freely pursue their happiness fully, the entire society benefits.  People who are fully supported with a caring, loving relationship at home are more likely to be productive at work, use less health care, contribute positively to other relationships and their communities, etc.

I want to be as vocal and confident as Dan Choi is (as he talks about military matters) when it comes to telling society to drop the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ attitude towards our right to love.  How about you?

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When it comes to today’s world, and especially the ‘internet world’, all of us are awash in a sea of information, aren’t we?  The same is definitely true when it comes to online dating and matchmaking.  And, as in all things in this life, there are some pros and cons to this state of affairs.

On the positive side, I look at today’s online environment for singles as a banquet or feast.  In addition to the ability to reach out and search practically anywhere in the world to find other women, the addition of testing to online search sites gives us some really cool ‘systems’ and ‘theories’, if you will, that we can dive into, learn, take their tests and determine things like ‘your type’ and ‘those who might be attracted to or, complementary to, you’.

Then – on the negative or, ‘realistically optimistic’ side, or devil’s advocate position – think of the feeling you get when you’ve eaten (or drank) too much!  I don’t know about you, but its’ easy to become ‘overwhelmed’ by all of the ‘newfangled’ theories and methods available about love and dating on the internet today.

The good news is that there is significant power and resources being put behind the ‘problem’ of ‘finding a date, soul mate or life partner’.  There are several big time corporations now organized and powerful enough to do large scale research and development, beyond what your typical university or professor can do, and, for the most part, the results (and benefits to you) are worth considering.

One example of a ‘cutting edge’, research-based ‘compatibility’ system added on to your basic online dating is the Chemistry.com system.  I might be somewhat positively-biased on this one because I know Helen Fisher, the anthropologist who created the heart of their ‘personality typing’ and ‘matching’ system.

Helen’s system is based on her love: evolution and biology.  (more…)

I was speaking with a new client this morning who recently ended an 8 year relationship with another woman.  She feels she is ‘healing’ and says she wants me to help her overcome the ‘serial monogamy’, u-haul game and find a lifelong partner the next time around.

What a great time, btw, for someone to enlist support!  I remember back to my therapy training days when we learned that crises may seem overwhelming but they are also a time when we are more open to change.  That’s right – the Chinese were right – crisis =’s opportunity!  And making some internal changes (as well as some changes in her actions) will be required of this client if she expects to ever stop ‘leasing’ U-Hauls!!!  (more…)