We were having a juicy discussion the other night on a conference call with members of Lez Rendezvous, our social club for single lesbians when the issue of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ came up.

Several of the women on the call were especially passionate (and seemingly knowledgeable) on the issue.  One woman made the comment that toppling ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’, in much the same way the military changed it’s policy towards racism, would be key to toppling other discriminatory practices in our society towards GLBT’s, such as same sex marriage.

She says that it was after the military banned discrimination based on race that other racist policies and laws started to be banned.  Another member on the call who is a constitutional law expert and former attorney, said she agreed.  Hmmm….

Now comes the news today that the Supreme Court won’t review the ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy right now, and, of course, the Obama Administration is continuing to do nothing to help us (despite his ‘I’ll do something’ rhetoric during his election campaign).  In fact, news accounts say the administration is continuing to do NOTHING to stop the military from discharging military members who are gay.

So, says me to our readers:  as I’ve heard it said – yes, we are upset, and ‘rightly so’ but, since when do things come easy and when is life fair?  Life doesn’t work the way we want it to work, it works the way it works.

Yes, so many of us work to ‘make things more fair for more of us’ everyday and, thank goodness they do. My response to today’s news is this:  all of us – especially those most passionate about and those working most closely on the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell issue – need to step back, take a deep breath and re-strategize.

We’ve got to ’sell it’ better, that’s all.  That’s how this crazy ol’ world works!  Hang in there, get savvier and don’t stop.  We know it’s a ‘hard sell’ still when an organization can’t seem to see the ‘damage’ it’s actions is causing because it’s blinded by prejudice.  So far, no studies show gays serving in the military hurts morale or effectiveness.

I just heard on the news that there are several other cases that challenge the policy working their way up through the court system.

So – we’ve got to keep banging on the door.  Like we do with all the other issues.

I think I’ve heard it said on more than one occasion that most change happens slowly in an evolutionary, (versus ‘revolutionary’) way.  Keep educating and changing hearts, one-by-one.  Remember that, by the very example of living your own life with heart and authenticity, you are making a noticeable statement to others who don’t yet ‘get it’.

Even if no one opens the door for us, eventually, brick by brick, piece by piece, we will knock it down, just like the Berlin Wall…

TEAR DOWN THAT WALL!

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.  Attract Mz. Right Summer Camp for Single Lesbians starts 6/23/09.  Register by midnight PST on 6/20/09 and save 25% off – click here to learn all the details.

©2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved

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