WHETHER YOU ARE…

• single and don’t want to be
• single and fine with it, and at a place in your life where you’re ready to meet a life partner, BUT you aren’t willing to ‘settle’
• tired of the dating scene or results with dating web sites
• unsure where to look for compatible men or women to date
• wondering if THIS relationship ‘is the one’
• coupled and unhappy or pretty happy, but understand that great relationships don’t ‘just happen’

COACH SAPPHO®‘S ‘FAMILY’ IS FOR YOU! 

Coach Sappho®‘s ‘Family’ is a fun, educational relationship community for marriage and commitment-minded gay, lesbian and gay-friendly singles and couples who desire and value deeply satisfying relationships.  Opportunities for you to find greater happiness and success wherever you are on love’s journey exist here as you gain new understandings and skills and connect with like-minded singles and couples in a gay-affirmative environment.  Most events are conveniently available to you by telephone. 

If you are hesitant to give telephone coaching a try, I have one question to ask you:  if you knew getting on a phone call a couple times a month would improve your life or relationship, would you be willing to do so?  If you answered ‘yes’ then I’d like to invite you to one of our complimentary, introductory teleseminars.  Information on signing up is below.  Just click on the link below that best defines your current relationship status and get on the path to a more satisfying life today:

 
  single?  dating or want to date?

  new couple?  engaged or considering it?  moving in
  together?  planning a wedding or civil union? 

  married?  domestic partnered?  in a committed
  relationship?

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In last week’s post I introduced the topic of writing personal ads.  The growth of online dating and social networking sites certainly offer single individuals seemingly unlimited opportunities for getting information out there about themselves to the masses. 

Even better, if you join one or more services using some of the more sophisticated means of matching, you may meet with greater success finding someone you are both compatible with and, attracted to, however, before you feel that writing a personal ad is necessary to meeting a soulmate, I recommend you decide whether you even want to use your precious time using this particular search strategy.

In last week’s post I mentioned perception and hype.  There is the belief by some online dating industry watchdogs that current online dating and social networking sites are promising more than they can deliver.  I hear some say the sites are good for ‘hooking up’ (slang for transactional and/or sexual or, short term encounters). 

I suspected that the younger set (say 18-25 or so) use online strategies with greater regularity and probably success than most older singles, although I was informed yesterday by a 21 year old female, who is in an exclusive, heterosexual relationship, that she and most of her friends, single and coupled, look at online dating as an ‘act of desperation’.  So much for a very tiny, possibly unrepresentative sample!  ;-]

I don’t know how prevalent or true any of these perceptions are, however, it is a fact that the internet dating industry is still very young.  You can bet online dating companies will continue to innovate, expand and improve their services to singles.   They’ll need to if they plan to survive.  If so, perhaps the usefulness of online dating sites for more of us will improve in the months and years ahead.

However, in the meantime, if you are single right now and you are seriously looking for a life partner right now, depending solely on placing personal ads, via the internet or elsewhere, is probably not the most direct or smartest search strategy.  And, I think that holds true for gay and straight singles.

That’s right!  There are probably better, more reliable search strategies!  So, if you decide to write a personal ad, that’s great, there is nothing wrong with that.  Just remember that this strategy alone is not very likely to ‘be enough’.  Just like the typical experiences I hear of those who launch into a search on multiple, well-known job sites, like Monster, Gaywork.com and Career Builder.  Initiating the search is easy (and so is getting those lovely emails right in your inbox that the job site sends to you based on your preferences), however, many jobhunters find online searching to be only one of several things they must do to eventually land a real job.

So, should you write a personal ad?  More important, I think, than should, is desire.  Do you want to invest your precious time writing, posting and responding to, personal ads?  Again, I don’t think it can hurt, particularly if you are deeply focused on making this strategy work for you.

Most importantly, I think that the more you know about the entire process, the more informed you will be at selecting the approach (or approaches) that work best for you.  For example, are you aware of all of the current, available options for meeting a soulmate?  Did you know that there is a continuum of most to least-likely places to meet singles that are potential soulmates for you?

Using a personal ad to find dates might be a great idea if you have already visited and/or used one or more online dating sites and you have already written an ad or two that are attracting to you the types of individuals you find appealing.  Certainly, there are some potential advantages to internet dating and personal ad posting, such as:

• a seemingly greater pool of individuals to choose from (and get your ad out to)
• lower cost (as compared to joining dating or matchmaking services, attending in person singles events, joining singles clubs, etc.)
• enough information is often available for efficient sorting (sorting being an important singles skill you’ll want to learn more about)
• you choose the amount of anonymity you want
• it’s easy to control most aspects of the process

Do these ‘benefits’ appeal to you?  Will they still appeal to you once you better understand the disadvantages of online dating?  Lastly, do these comments hold true for couples who are now getting online to find other compatible couples for recreation, activism, etc.?

Stay tuned for my next post where I’ll discuss the potential downsides to online dating!  And, be sure to click on ‘comments’ below and post your reactions, questions, etc.   I do read and respond to them online!

Have a great Friday!

Barb Elgin

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If you are single or in a relationship and your vision includes forming and nurturing a long term, deeply satisfying life with another person, you will want to check out Coach Sappho?, a unique, ‘members only’ community for singles and couples who are ‘like-minded’ about creating authentic lives and relationships. 

Coach Sappho? offers a number of convenient, fun, wisdom-packed events and opportunities for singles and couples who are open to collaborating with an experienced coach who can help them clarify a powerful vision for where they want their life to go and a plan to help them get there.   If you’d like to learn more, click here.

Or, if you prefer, I offer an initial, complimentary, one-on-one, no obligation coaching meeting, where I invite you to begin building a ‘working’ relationship with me that will help you change your life in wondrous ways.  Just email me and we’ll set up a time that is convenient for us to talk.   In addition to the meeting, I also cover the cost of the phone call!

©…While online, click here to learn more about our next ‘relationship readiness’ telephone class, which starts 6/7/06 and here for the full schedule of classes in 2006…©

In today’s world, all of us want the same thing, whether we are single, dating, or married, young or old, gay, lesbian or straight…

- to love and be loved -

We may disagree about almost everything else, but one experience that unites the great majority of us is our desire for a lasting, fulfilling life relationship.  However, as funny as it sounds, the reality is that most of us have a better plan for buying and maintaining a car than choosing and cherishing our life partner!  Coach Sappho is an expert in the area of couples coaching, gay dating, online dating help and tips, and lesbian relationships in individual and group settings.

When we consider the high divorce and relationship breakup rates in our society, maybe we are, no pun intended, ‘getting what we paid for’!  Many of us have been through difficult relationship obstacles, divorce and/or painful breakups and thus, approach dating and relationships with some degree of fear and distrust, which only adds to the challenges of creating the ultimate relationship we desire. 

Isn’t it time for a change?  Did you know that the secrets to creating the life and relationship YOU desire are available!?!  And that you don’t have to figure it all out on your own?  That’s why I created Coach Sappho®, an exciting learning community for singles and couples who are ready to discover and experience the secrets to ‘finding the love of their life and a life that they love’. 

SINGLES: Don’t let your soulmate pass you by – begin creating the relationship you truly want - by clicking here to sign up for our ‘Relationship Quiz’ right now!  Take our exclusive love quiz and find out if you are ready for a relationship.

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Whether you are…

• visiting our site for the very first time
• a client
• a frequent reader of our website
• a reader of our free e-course
• a member of Coach Sappho’s ‘Creating a Life I Love’ Club

you have now had some experience of Coach Sappho.  Have we enhanced your life?  If you’ve gained in any way from spending time with us, we’d like to invite you to tell others how spending time with us has helped you.  Would you like to spread the joy?  It’s easy to let friends and family know more about us.

HERE ARE TWO WAYS YOU CAN SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT COACH SAPPHO:

1.  NEW!!! Coach Sappho 2 page flyer describing our programs – chock full of testimonials.  Feel free to print out and share with your friends!  NEW!!!

2.  Click here and Coach Sappho will send an email for you for up to seven of your friends.  All you have to do is enter your name, their names and their email addresses.  Or, you can put whatever script you’d like to appear on the email.  Complete this form as many times as you like!

As always, we keep all names and email addresses private.  We will not sell or share any information you or any of your friends or family share with us to any third party without permission, ever!

Thank you for your support!

Well hello!  How have you been?  It’s been busy as usual over here at Coach Sappho.

• Looking on the bright side this week I’d like to congratulate the State of Maine, who became the 16th state to add sexual orientation and gender identity to a Maine law that bars discrimination in employment, housing, credit, public accomodations and education.
• How’s your love life?  If you’ve ever been in a relationship over a year, you know things tend to “cool down.”  But, is it inevitable that they “cool off?”  I’ll never forget what the psychology professor I took a Human Sexuality class with in college said:

Did you know that your biggest sex organ is between your ears!?!

Yes, indeed, is she nuts, now, just what did she mean?  That imagination, mystery and creativity are sexy turn ons!  So, don’t let your brain cells go limp when it comes to sex and intimacy, even if you are not in a relationship (catch my drift!). 

Hate to break it to you but love isn’t all wine, roses and, for some of us, chocolates!  We have to add a dash of brain food in there too once in awhile.

Make time for sensuality in your life, you deserve it (and it’s no doubt great for stress reduction!).  Stimulate your dendrites and they will give you a tingle!

And, if you’re looking for suggestions to jump start your brain, here’s a couple of my favorite books/tapes on the subject:

Hot Monogamy by Pat Love, EdD (book) (audiotape) – excellent ideas delivered in an often humorous manner.  I just love Pat Love!!!

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman – full of education and information

Or, here’s a simple suggestion that goes the distance:  each of you should make a list of activities you’ve gotten away from doing that you enjoy or that you’ve fantasized about or want to try.  Then, be sure to do one of those activities at least once a week, alternating back and forth.  And, again, if you are a single slinger, make a list and treat yourself.

Champions keep playing until they get it right! – Billie Jean King

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, spring has sprung!  While it may not feel that way yet (hey – it’s even been dark, chilly and rainy here in Central Florida the past couple of days!), you can bet warm, sunny days are just around the bend.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT COACH SAPPHO:  Look what Coach Sappho has been cookin’ up for you, to keep you warm and toasty till lady spring pokes her head out:

Famous author, Angela Bonavoglia is Coach Sappho’s “Uncommon Courage” guest for March 2005.

Thursday, 3/31/05, from 7-8pm EST

Coach Sappho’s ‘Creating a Life I Love’ Club’s “Uncommon Courage” guest for March 2005 is a fabulous ally by the name of Ms. Angela Bonavoglia.  I met Ms. Bonavoglia about 18 months ago while interviewing Kathy Itzin, the catholic religious education instructor from Minnesota who had a lifetime achievement award taken back by her city’s bishop when he found out she was a lesbian.

Angela Bonavoglia has just published her latest book, Good Catholic Girls:  How Women are Leading the Fight to Change the Church.  Angela Bonavoglia is an award-winning journalist and author who covers social, health, religious and women�s issues. A previous book on abortion, The Choices We Made, was featured on Oprah. Her feature articles, investigative reports, op-eds, personal essays, and profiles have appeared in Ms. (longtime contributing editor), the Chicago Tribune, Redbook, Mirabella, Cosmopolitan, Newsday, and The New York Times, among other publications.

Angela’s article, “The Church�s Tug of War,” about women as an invisible force for reform in the Roman Catholic Church, was the lead article in The Nation in the wake of the clergy sex abuse scandals of 2002.

I can’t wait to talk with her about how and why she chose the career path she is on today.  Aren’t you curious?  I hope you will join her and I via the teleconference bridge on March 31st for an exciting discussion.  If you have specific questions you’d like me to ask her during the interview, email me so I can prepare.

Click here to read more about Ms. Bonavoglia and her latest book.  Or visit her website: http://www.goodcatholicgirls.com.