Here we go again! Can you believe the holidays are almost upon us? For singles, holidays can be difficult in unique ways. While couples may be stressing out over which family to spend the holidays with or, arguing over how to budget for gifts, singles are often feeling lonely and ‘left out’. And, financially speaking, many don’t realize being single during the holidays can be tough in that you don’t have a partner to share the costs of gift giving.

Many singles dread the holidays because they fear going to parties and events alone. It’s easy to suggest to singles to ‘go with a group to parties’ or ‘call and invite a friend’, however, these solutions are not always practical or realistic.

Most singles will have to go to some events alone during the holidays.  What’s probably most upsetting about this for many singles is knowing there isn’t a partner to go to some events with, like they see their friends and family members doing.  When you have a partner, going alone to some events, when it’s necessary, isn’t as much of a bummer because you know you are going home to your partner.

While attending events with family and friends is nice, but it’s not the same as having a romantic partner to share time with during the holidays. Coupled lesbians often forget how it felt to be single during the holidays. If that’s you, ‘remember to remember’ your single friends this holiday season when you can.  Or, perhaps more importantly: just stay tuned into your friend. Does she (or doesn’t she) get upset during the holidays? If she does get bugged, what bugs her and how does she like to be supported when frustrated or experiencing negative feelings?

For those of us who celebrate Christmas, who hasn’t walked under the mistletoe at a dinner or party?  New Year’s Eve tends to be a particularly difficult holiday for many singles. Just imagine your favorite image of New Year’s Eve. Chances are you see couples partying the night away, including the proverbial kissing that goes at midnight.

So what’s a single lesbian got to do to get a date for New Year’s Eve?

If you are single (and not dating) right now, you can still find a date in time for New Year’s Eve, if you want one. It’s far from too late to get started. In the meantime, you may even find more than just a great date for the evening.

One secret to finding a great date for New Year’s Eve is taking some time today to begin getting focused on reaching your goal. You can easily start by setting aside 5-10 minutes to find a quiet, comfortable place to sit and visualize ‘in your mind’s eye’ that evening, complete with what you will be doing, where you will go, etc.

While you are dreaming up this wonderful vision, use ALL of your senses. Don’t just stop at the visual. Also dream with sounds, tastes, smells, touch, etc. Enjoy the process. After you’ve created a really cool ‘day dream’, just let your vision go. Then trust that you’ve already begun to set into motion your reaching your goal.

Want to learn four more secrets to attracting a great date for New Year’s Eve? Join me for Coach Sappho’s 5 Secrets to Finding a GREAT Date for New Year’s Eve.  We’ve offering three different days and times for the tele-seminars, to accomodate a wide variety of schedules and time zones.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker. Are YOU ready for love? Ready to find out? Take Coach Sappho’s FREE Love Quiz.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin. All Rights Reserved. Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

With the approach of fall, Coach Sappho has turned over HER new leaf and is launching a brand new podcast!

I’ve been considering a fresh approach for Coach Sappho’s ‘radio presense’ for several months now and decided to invite Reverend Donna Tara Lee, a colleague and friend I met after moving here to Florida, to create a new internet radio show.

Donna accepted my invitation and, I am happy to report we are ready to bring our new podcast to you, starting this coming Tuesday night, August 25, 2009 at 6:30pm ET.

Our new show is called

GLBT TALK WITH BARB AND DONNA

Donna and I are excited to bring to you a show that will ‘inform, enlighten and entertain’ listeners on all things GLBT!

The show will last 30 minutes at 6:30pm ET on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday of every month and you can listen in LIVE via the internet FOR FREE by signing up now:

During this Tuesday night’s show we’ll be introducing listeners to who we are and what we envision for the show.  The show is recorded and is live, so if you want to call in and ask a question or send us your well wishes we’d love it!  Also – the show’s page on has a chat room which you can participate in as well, during the show!

Why should you listen? Because more in our community need to tune into the ‘older’, ‘wiser’ GLBT experience.  More than ever, in today’s media and the internet in general, there is more fluff and less substance.  And, there is also the usual over focus on youth and the younger experience.  In today’s world it’s easy putting up a blog or show, but what is the quality of that blog or show?

This means that, more than ever before, YOU need to become a more discerning listener. Why do I think this important? When you get what you believe from sources who are just passing on the rumors, irrational fears and unchecked facts of others, we get further away from moving forward on important issues, like marriage equality and health care reform.

Instead of us moving towards solutions (with or without consensus, because, sometimes, as history shows, moving forward without consensus is important too), people just become more confused and feelings become inflamed or escalated.

I believe the seasoned, rich wisdom experts 40 and over offer our community is being drowned out and is mostly untapped.  I define ‘expert’ as those who have spent a significant part of their lifetimes – at least 10 years or more – being active in their field or industry and/or in their GLBT cause  – versus those ‘Johnny and Joany’s come lately’ who are young and green!

As you know I’m a relationship and dating expert with over 20 years experience as a coach and as a licensed psychotherapist.  And, you know what a passionate advocate I am for the success of single lesbians, lesbian relationships, marriage equality and GLBT rights in general.  I began my volunteerism in the late 1970′s at a gay switchboard and haven’t slowed down since.  If you want to learn more about my decades of service to the GLBT community, click here.

Reverend Lee attended Woodstock (Yes, she was there in 1969!) and was a part of the Stonewall movement!  And, Donna continues to be deeply involved in political, social and spiritual causes.  In addition to being an active member of the Democratic Caucus here in Floriday, she’s gone through sexual reassignment surgery and she has an amazing story to tell of how her life has been transformed as she ‘created the body she feels normal and natural in’.

We look forward to meeting you on GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna:

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach.  Be sure to stop by www.coachsappho.com, pick up your FREE gifts as well as to learn about our exciting new singles club for lesbians and our community for lesbian couples.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin.  All Rights Reserved.  Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Tags: gay dating, gay relationship advice, lesbian dating, lesbian dating advice, lesbian relationship advice, life coach for lesbians, online dating tips for lesbians

Commitment is an issue I’ve been talking about quite often during my ‘Just say no to lesbian bed death’ guest appearances on GayInternetRadioLive’s Lesbian Lounge.  Denise and Donna (I’ll refer to them hereafter as D&D) are the co-hosts and they are a riot.

I don’t know if it’s their ‘schtick’ or not, but Donna portrays herself as the committable type – she says she’s been in a committed relationship for four years now.  And Denise, who is a standup comedian, says she’s commitment-phobic.  Together, they are so different, down to their voices (Denise’ voice is deep and I told Donna she’s the one with the ‘lilted’ voice, which she loves to repeat!), all of which adds up to loads of chemistry between these two!

Anyhoo, as I mentioned in a prior post, I met D&D at GayDays in Orlando this past June.  Donna asked me to come on board as their guest lesbian relationship/life coach.  Currently, I have a spot between 9:30-10p ET on the first Wednesday of each month (although I was on the other night and I will be on next Wednesday as well…surprise, surprise!).

So, how do you date if your goal is a lasting, satisfying, committed relationship?

I know, does this question sound radical?  It should.  Afterall, gay or straight, most of us have had little to no support around the issue of how to best form a lasting, rock solid relationship with another human being.

How you date has everything to do with the type of relationship you end up forming with another person.  For example, how many of us have been in what we thought was a committed relationship only to find out our partner didn’t believe or act committed as well?  Could we have saved ourselves much time and grief had we gotten clear about our partner’s intentions earlier on in the relationship?

Being in a committed relationship with an attitude of pre-commitment is common amongst married couples in our society.  That’s why the divorce and breakup rate is so high.  In our culture we tend to go from falling in love to making a commitment, even though each has very little to do with the other!

So, if you are single or dating someone but not yet committed to them, THIS is the time to learn more about how you can make the dating process work FOR you, long term.

Don’t see someone exclusively and hold an exclusive mindset with him or her if you are sure he or she is not a potential life partner.

You see, dating should be fun, but, woven into the dating process is a process – if your ultimate intention is seeking a life partner there are definite steps you can follow to ensure you succeed at that goal.  Want to learn more?  Just go to Coach Sappho, a unique relationship resource for singles and couples.

And, be sure to stop by the Lesbian Lounge this coming Wednesday night, catch a love tip or two from me and laugh with D&D.

———————

If you are single and seeking your life partner, this is the only book you need…

If you have a single friend or family member that you care about, I invite you to get them this book…

If you would like to learn a bit about how to help your single friends or clients, this book is a great place to start…

Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World by David Steele (HARDBACK VERSION). The gold standard for single men and women! If you buy any book, make it this one!  Buy it here and get the ‘Conscious Dating’ CD.  $32.95 (includes shipping and handling) AND, while supplies last, the free CD, Conscious Dating for Relationship Success ($14.95 value).

Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World by David Steele and forward by Barb Elgin, MSW. (PAPERBACK VERSION).  $24.00 (includes shipping and handling). 

Below are some comments from counselors and professionals who have read the book…

“In Conscious Dating, David Steele provides a new concept for dating and insightful advice, effective exercises and useful illustrations that will help anyone who uses them make their journey to love successful. We recommend this book to anyone looking for love.”  — Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph. D., co-authors of Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved

“Unconscious dating can lead to disaster. Given the serious effect of relationships gone awry, Conscious Dating is a must-read for singles who want to make better relationship choices. David Steele provides sound guidance and practical advice for today’s singles.”  — Pat Love, Ed.D. Author, The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy

“David Steele has made a significant contribution to the world of relationships by mapping two previously foreign countries- consciousness and dating, bringing them together at last in this customized guide. Packed with practical strategies that really work, Conscious Dating is THE book for helping singles navigate the dating world.” — Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, authors of Conscious Loving and the new Spirit-Centered Relationships

“This book is filled with practical strategies that work. Packed with solid advice, assessments and exercises, as well as interesting stories, Conscious Dating is a book that will completely change the way singles view dating and relating. A must-read for anyone who wants to create his or her next great relationship.” — Eve Eschner Hogan, Author of Intellectual Foreplay and How to Love Your Marriage

Here are some comments from singles about Conscious Dating…

“Conscious Dating is the most enlightened book on the topic of dating that I have come across.”
–Joseph Dunn, Rockville, MD

“I just love this book, it makes so much sense to me. ” –Elaine Kurtanich, Carnegie, PA

“Conscious Dating is MUST HAVE for singles. It is a complete, bullet-proof guide to finding your life partner that gives hope and clear step by step instructions of what to do and what not to do.” — Hilde Weimann, Bowie, MD