You know, it never ceases to amaze me that there are individuals and groups in our country who claim, on one hand to be about love, humanity and equal rights, but then act just the opposite.  I can understand the motivation of some of the bloggers out there who are exposing the many forms of hypocrisy or, ‘inauthenticity’ some of these individuals, groups and/or organizations are caught up in.

Now, before you go and think I’m being ‘preachy’, let me just say, some of us are just more inauthentic more often!  None of us is perfect.

I know that the religious right believes they are truly doing ‘the right thing’ or ‘being authentic’ by denying me my authenticity/equal rights.  But they believe they are doing the right thing, according to their religious belief.  As such, their influence and power should be limited to the practice of their religion, and their religous community, just as I have the same freedom and right to do the same. 

I don’t get to tell someone else how they should believe and practice their faith and vice versa.  I don’t bother them.  I don’t try to get laws passed to deny them their equal rights to live their life as they wish.  How do I know for sure if they aren’t being authentic?  And, how do they know, for sure, that they aren’t denying me my right to live my truth?  What if they are wrong?  What do you think god would think of that?

Ultimately, aren’t we supposed to be a democratically diverse or pluralistic society that has defined a true separation between church and state???  Since when is denying someone their equal rights under the law loving, humane or democratic?  What does either of our religious beliefs have to do with civil rights?  I know, the relationship gets complex.  I just heard on the nightly news that, while we say we are a country that values the separation between church and state, a majority of Americans would not vote for a candidate that claimed no religious practice.

I really don’t blame the religious right entirely.  How about the great, vast ‘middle’ of America who is supposed to be more fair-minded and just than Christian Fundamentalists (sorry, but it’s true)?  Where are the Bill Clinton’s of the world when it comes time to put your money where your mouth is? 

Sorry Bill, but when it came down to it in the mid-1990′s when you had a chance to be fair, you instead fell prey to the silly fears of a small, yet powerful and vocal minority, who want to walk around believing that gays in the military just can’t exist, somewhat like the Iranian president blabbered on about last week.  Instead of drawing a rational, loving and authentic line in the sand you played politics and signed ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’…What can I say?  A lesbian never forgets….

And, the coming presidential election?  I hear that both democratic front runners, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, are keeping a ‘safe distance’ from me too. 

I know it sounds like I have a bad attitude but I have a hard time getting excited about any of the candidates when I know that none of them is truly looking out much for me.  Yes, it’s a bit exciting to think that perhaps we’ll have a democratic president for a change and, perhaps a woman.

However, I don’t have very high hopes that it will much matter.  Then, another more hopeful side of me says that I’ve got to believe that, while I can’t ‘get what I want exactly when I want it’, a democratic president will have a positive impact for me between 2008-2012 in ways that a republican president won’t.

Okay, so I finished my rant!  Let me tell you the main message I wanted to offer today:  Next November anti-gay elements in the State of Florida will try to join the cadre of other states who’ve added a ‘marriage protection’ amendment to the books. 

This past week I was introduced to an organization here in Florida who is working to throw out that nasty, ‘Marriage Protection’ Amendment these unloving forces in Florida are advancing.

I received a call last week from Patricia Ireland, a nationally-known activist who used to head up the National Organization of Women (NOW).

What a pleasure talking with her one-on-one!  I have to say:  how nice to be noticed!  Patricia is asking our help in supporting an organization called Florida Red and Blue.  Honestly, I’d never heard of Florida Red and Blue until about a week ago.  That’s a shame because they are fighting for my rights as a Floridian.

So, if you are a Floridian (and even if you aren’t), please be sure you go to Florida Red and Blue’s site ASAP and make a donation to help the cause and spread the word.  This is not the time to get complacent!  Apparently, there are some very strong forces (and deep pocketbooks) here in Florida coming together to try and prevent you and I (and other same sex couples) from marrying.

I’m not a legal expert, but I think that if these anti-gay forces have their way and the state of Florida passes such an amendment it will be doubly difficult for us to change that state of affairs.  Imagine – living in a state where both gay adoption and gay marriage are illegal.

If you aren’t a Floridian, why should you care?  Because the ‘relationship rights’ battle for gay and lesbian love is now being fought out in the states.  We need to help each state fight back those who want to deny us our human rights.  There are already too many other states with such amendments on the books.

Those who want to deny me my rights, that’s bad enough.  But what they also don’t realize is that they would also be harming those hundreds of thousands of heterosexual, unmarried but partnered, seniors in Florida who are in committed relationships but choose not to marry because doing so would strip them of the social security benefits they’ve spent a lifetime earning and send them to the poor house.  That’s right:  In addition to the impact this horrible amendment would create for gays, if this amendment becomes law, it will even impact our ability to establish domestic partnership arrangements, gay and straight.

Now is the time to ally with an organization such as Florida Red and Blue.  You can help them fight for you while there is still time.  Don’t wait!

I don’t usually rant on this blog.  I usually strive to keep it positive.  I’ve created blogs in the past that got into endless rants and criticisms, so I guess I am digressing here, but I just wanted to share with readers something I’ve thought about here and there for awhile that I just needed to comment on.  I’m sure some of you will be nodding your head ‘yes’ furiously as you read this post!

So, here goes…

Why is it that my human rights are subject to endless public and/or political debate?  Why are my rights ‘up for grabs’ or ‘needing to be negotiated’ rather than ‘inalienable’ or ‘assured’?  After all, straight folks don’t have to go through all this crap.  Why in the world does someone outside myself have power over my PRIVATE thoughts, feelings and decisions when it comes to who I love, and how I express my love towards that person?  Why is it that no one seems to care about the many ‘costs’ associated with denying me my private right as a citizen of the United States to create the love life I desire?

If you are straight, just imagine for a moment, what it would be like to live in a world where people discuss your right to be, to love who you want, to work where you want and be your self, etc.  Even worse, imagine a world where people dictate to me who I can love and prevent me from openly doing so?  Can you imagine what it would be like to fear walking down the street holding your spouse’s hand because you know if you did you might be mocked, beaten up or even killed???  Welcome to my reality and the reality of all GLBT Americans.

If you are straight, imagine what it is like to have to lie about who you are, when you profess to be a truthteller?

Welcome to my world!

Now, some of you might be saying: well, we get to tell you who you are and how you can live your life because sexual orientation is chosen, unlike other minority statuses such as gender, ethnicity, age, etc.

I beg to differ.  We really DON’T know, FOR SURE if sexual orientation is something people choose or, have control over.  Even if studies show that sexual orientation, to some degree, is the result of environment, that still doesn’t prove that a person has control over their sexual feelings and/or who they fall in love with/are attracted to.

There are many studies coming out (and being done) right now that seem to indicate that a person’s sexual orientation is a very complex part of who someone is.  Thankfully, I doubt we’ll ever be able to absolutely control for sexual orientation.  Thank the goddess or god and goddess or gods and goddesses for that!!! 

We humans may be smart but thankfully we’re not THAT smart!

Studies are showing some very strong evidence that sexual orientation is largely NOT CONSCIOUSLY CHOSEN.  Many credible studies are showing strong PRE-NATAL influences, meaning, if anything, we need to blame mom (or the parents)!!!  Just kidding…

Why is it that people get their panties in a wad about that reality? 

And, if you believe in a literal translation of some religious text, just know that not everyone does so and, we live in a country that separates religious belief and practices from individual civil rights (and it should separate religious beliefs from the rights of two individuals who love each other to form a bond that protects them from the vicissitudes of life). 

Also – we could get into a great discussion some day on the ‘infallibility’ of your religious text.  But, regardless, I respect your right to practice your spirituality as you wish.  But that doesn’t give you the civil right to deny me my equal rights because of your religious beliefs.

There are lots of christians who believe gayness is a natural and normal variation on the human race.  If you are someone who used to believe all gays were sick or going to hell and you’ve changed your opinion on that, I’d love to hear from you.

We need to continue the dialogue, overcome lack of information, etc. and share with the world how you can come to believe that it’s okay to be gay and that the biggest tragedy is in denying gay people their right to pursue happiness as everyone else.

I’d love to hear from you if you’ve come to understand…

Barb Elgin offers a refreshing, reflective, lively and fertile oasis for those caring and courageous individuals, couples, families, communities and organizations who thirst for the most authentically-lived life.

My current ‘labors of love’ include inspiring…

• Married, partnered, separated, divorced, single, dating or engaged individuals who value deeply satisfying, long term life partnerships.
• Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered entrepreneurs (and allies) who are starting or growing creative or cause-based businesses serving the GLBT community.  Click here to learn more about my ideal clients.
• Online dating and relationship services companies struggling to take their business, or that part of their business, which focuses primarily on serving lesbian and bisexual women, to the next level.
• GLBT’s and GLBT allies who are truly ready to live a more authentic life

If you see yourself in one or more of the scenarios above, I truly believe that we are meant to meet and create something beautiful together that will deeply increase your satisfaction with life!  I look forward to hearing from you! 

Authentically yours! – Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW-C

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Well hello!  How have you been?  It’s been busy as usual over here at Coach Sappho.

• Looking on the bright side this week I’d like to congratulate the State of Maine, who became the 16th state to add sexual orientation and gender identity to a Maine law that bars discrimination in employment, housing, credit, public accomodations and education.
• How’s your love life?  If you’ve ever been in a relationship over a year, you know things tend to “cool down.”  But, is it inevitable that they “cool off?”  I’ll never forget what the psychology professor I took a Human Sexuality class with in college said:

Did you know that your biggest sex organ is between your ears!?!

Yes, indeed, is she nuts, now, just what did she mean?  That imagination, mystery and creativity are sexy turn ons!  So, don’t let your brain cells go limp when it comes to sex and intimacy, even if you are not in a relationship (catch my drift!). 

Hate to break it to you but love isn’t all wine, roses and, for some of us, chocolates!  We have to add a dash of brain food in there too once in awhile.

Make time for sensuality in your life, you deserve it (and it’s no doubt great for stress reduction!).  Stimulate your dendrites and they will give you a tingle!

And, if you’re looking for suggestions to jump start your brain, here’s a couple of my favorite books/tapes on the subject:

Hot Monogamy by Pat Love, EdD (book) (audiotape) – excellent ideas delivered in an often humorous manner.  I just love Pat Love!!!

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman – full of education and information

Or, here’s a simple suggestion that goes the distance:  each of you should make a list of activities you’ve gotten away from doing that you enjoy or that you’ve fantasized about or want to try.  Then, be sure to do one of those activities at least once a week, alternating back and forth.  And, again, if you are a single slinger, make a list and treat yourself.

Champions keep playing until they get it right! – Billie Jean King

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, spring has sprung!  While it may not feel that way yet (hey – it’s even been dark, chilly and rainy here in Central Florida the past couple of days!), you can bet warm, sunny days are just around the bend.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT COACH SAPPHO:  Look what Coach Sappho has been cookin’ up for you, to keep you warm and toasty till lady spring pokes her head out:

Famous author, Angela Bonavoglia is Coach Sappho’s “Uncommon Courage” guest for March 2005.

Thursday, 3/31/05, from 7-8pm EST

Coach Sappho’s ‘Creating a Life I Love’ Club’s “Uncommon Courage” guest for March 2005 is a fabulous ally by the name of Ms. Angela Bonavoglia.  I met Ms. Bonavoglia about 18 months ago while interviewing Kathy Itzin, the catholic religious education instructor from Minnesota who had a lifetime achievement award taken back by her city’s bishop when he found out she was a lesbian.

Angela Bonavoglia has just published her latest book, Good Catholic Girls:  How Women are Leading the Fight to Change the Church.  Angela Bonavoglia is an award-winning journalist and author who covers social, health, religious and women�s issues. A previous book on abortion, The Choices We Made, was featured on Oprah. Her feature articles, investigative reports, op-eds, personal essays, and profiles have appeared in Ms. (longtime contributing editor), the Chicago Tribune, Redbook, Mirabella, Cosmopolitan, Newsday, and The New York Times, among other publications.

Angela’s article, “The Church�s Tug of War,” about women as an invisible force for reform in the Roman Catholic Church, was the lead article in The Nation in the wake of the clergy sex abuse scandals of 2002.

I can’t wait to talk with her about how and why she chose the career path she is on today.  Aren’t you curious?  I hope you will join her and I via the teleconference bridge on March 31st for an exciting discussion.  If you have specific questions you’d like me to ask her during the interview, email me so I can prepare.

Click here to read more about Ms. Bonavoglia and her latest book.  Or visit her website: http://www.goodcatholicgirls.com.