Placing personal ads today is much easier and more acceptable than it used to be. For example, I did a brief bit of research on the subject and discovered that one of the first personal ads noted in written history was penned by a poor spinster who in 1727 posted an ad in a local paper looking for companionship. What happened to her? Do you think she met with success? No, indeed. She was sent to an insane asylum for a month!
My first recollection of personal ads was in the late 1980′s or early 1990′s. I remember seeing them in local papers and magazines. The cost for some was prohibitive and, often, one had to wait a month for their ad to come out. I also remember them being seen by many as ‘racy’ or taboo.
Today, given the opening up of attitudes, most of us have heard about personal ads (or even posted one!). With the internet, and the growth of 100′s of online dating companies and social networking sites such as MySpace, the single person’s options for posting a personal ad that is able to be accessed by many potential singles is often inexpensive and easy.
In addition, the internet is so ‘immediate’ you don’t have to wait a week or month for a paper or magazine to come out! And, given that the internet is geographically ‘unlimited’, it appears, at least on the surface, that your reach is unlimited.
But beware the hype. Dating sites may promise large numbers of potential people or compatible matches (after taking their testing instruments) to meet, but when you actually go on their site and search, you may see the same old faces and names you’ve already ruled out. You may also find many haven’t been on the site to search for months. That’s not good, many of those singles may no longer even be single!
And, photos on these sites tend to be nonexistent or, frankly, poor. Why give off a negative first impression!?! If you are going to bother spending your valuable time seriously seeking a soulmate at these sites, spend the time, effort and money, if needed, to post the most flattering pictures you can.
I advise my clients to have fun trying out the online dating sites but to be careful and not spend their money unless they have some success with a site. Success depends on how you define it. I also encourage clients to remember the old ‘tried and true’ – local online and traditional personal ad services and opportunities.
Okay, so, if you’re thinking about putting a personal ad out there, I say congratulations and yahoo! That means you are healing (if you’re getting over a breakup) or, you are getting more active about creating the life and/or relationship you truly desire.
I welcome this when it happens for my clients, because many of them have already made the decision they need to ‘slow down’ (which is mostly a good thing) and learn more about themselves THIS time around before getting involved with another person romantically, in the hopes they will choose more wisely who they give their heart to THIS TIME.
The next question I think you need to answer for yourself is this:
Should I write a great personal ad?
Stay tuned for future blog issues where I will discuss further, issues such as…
- how to know if your dating plan needs to include personal ads
- how to write a great personal ad if you decide to do so
- the keys to using personal ads to find dates
- other options for finding dates
Have a great start of the week!
Barb Elgin
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Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is a lesbian dating and relationship expert and matchmaker.
