I was speaking with a new client this morning who recently ended an 8 year relationship with another woman.  She feels she is ‘healing’ and says she wants me to help her overcome the ‘serial monogamy’, u-haul game and find a lifelong partner the next time around.

What a great time, btw, for someone to enlist support!  I remember back to my therapy training days when we learned that crises may seem overwhelming but they are also a time when we are more open to change.  That’s right – the Chinese were right – crisis =’s opportunity!  And making some internal changes (as well as some changes in her actions) will be required of this client if she expects to ever stop ‘leasing’ U-Hauls!!!  (more…)

You know, one of the trends I observe in working with couples in the lesbian community is a lack of positive, visible role models.  Visible lesbian couples with a successful track record are hard to find, not because they don’t exist, but because the ‘gay’ issue is still a controversial one in our society.

For example, I know lesbian couples who are happy and healthy together, they’re just not that ‘out’ or ‘vocal’ about it.  Or, some of us know (or have heard) about these lesbian couples in our local communities, or in communities outside of our own.

So often I’ll ask a lesbian couple I’m working with if they know of a lesbian couple they admire.  Most often they mention a straight couple (which is fine), if they’re aware of one at all, but many report that they don’t know any couples – gay or straight – that they’d like to emulate.

Why do I think lesbian couple role models are so important?  Because those of us in the relationship coaching industry know how important role models are – a necessary success ingredient most lesbian couples don’t have the luxury of accessing. 

And, because many of us (and many of our detractors) wonder if there is such a thing as a gay or lesbian relationship that lasts and is happy too.  Unless we speak out more about the amazing relationships we are sharing, and hear about them as well, we wonder if they exist.  And, detractors can say the experience of great lesbian love partnerships don’t exist!

I’d like to change this reality.  I’d like more lesbian couples to know other lesbian couples who are thriving.  I’d like to connect happy lesbian couples with less happy lesbian couples. 

I’d like to be able to SHOW single lesbians and young lesbian women that there is something really cool to look forward to, in their love lives, and I believe it’s possible, with the right information and support!

I’d like everyone to know that there are stellar lesbian couples out there.  So, if you are a couple who considers your relationship a success (or you know a couple you’d like to nominate), please email me and let me know.  I’ll be interviewing lots of couples in the months ahead and sharing those interviews with you.

Afterall, arent’ you curious what makes a successful lesbian love relationship tick?

And, if you are part of a successful lesbian relationship, don’t you want to share the ‘secrets of your success’ with others?  If for no other reason than to ‘toot your own horn’ or let others know what you’ve learned so that they don’t have to ‘reinvent the wheel’.

Again, there is no lack of role models in our community, just a lack of VISIBLE role models.  All of us know of lesbian couples who have triumphed over all sorts of adversity, have been together years and are still together and ‘in love’.

Tell me about them!

Barb Elgin