I’m excited to let you know I’ve started watching the Real L Word (including Natalie Garcia’s Showtime Real L Word video blog) and I can’t wait to start talking about all of the characters, and the drama, very soon…So stay tuned.

The topic of today’s post is closely related to lesbian love drama, btw. This week a study broke in the media on the ‘divorce virus’.  Divorce virus, you say?  Yes.

The study, led by James Fowler, is a retrospective longitudinal one, meaning they looked at data from other studies such as the Framingham Heart Study.  The study found that relationship breakups can be as contagious as the flu…

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Many times when talking with my singles clients, I hear them voice a lack of faith in their ability to attract a deeply satisfying, lasting relationship.  After all it does take patience to find Mz. Right.  Finding Mz. Right takes time, effort, and a willingness to accept rejection.  Finding YOUR Mz. Right takes guts.

And, often when talking to couples going through a difficult time, I sense a loss of belief in their love. It happens, probably to most couples at some point.  I know that doesn’t make it any easier to bear.  And, you shouldn’t bear it alone, without support.

I’m here to remind you to ‘keep the faith’.  If you’re single, just know that with the right focus, you can find her.  And, if you’re in a relationship, problems can often be solved or, even if they can’t be solved, they can still be dealt with, and often, without destroying all that you share.

So, today, in the spirit of hope, I give you Shania Twain’s amazing video ‘From this Moment on’.   Just take a few minutes to soak in the message, feeling how it feels to be this connected to love…

“Oh, honey, you’re 46 – you have a greater chance of being
slaughtered by a psychopath than finding love.”
- Diane Keaton’s mother in The First Wives Club

Okay, so I’m stuck inside, the weather’s gorgeous and I’d rather be at the pool playing water volleyball right now (instead I had to settle for being Suzy Homemaker – vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen!  Ha!  Burns calories just as well).

I’m on a writing moratorium today. I’m already committed to getting caught up on my articles for One Good Love’s popular E-zine for relationship-minded gays and lesbians.

I’ve got my doggie lying behind me snoring.  Believe it or not, she’s found a new way to cuddle up to me while I work,  She squeezes her – luckily – small body – behind me on the office chair!  Cute, or what?  If only I could find a woman so loyal and into snuggling!  

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Whether you are single, dating or coupled, it’s time for YOU to begin the journey to experiencing more of what you want in your love life!   To help you continue your journey to a more amazing love life, I want to invite you to an exciting new tele-seminar I’m leading called

Coach Sappho’s ‘Secrets to Creating the Love Life You Deserve’ Tele-Discussion

You see, I’m sure you know success in anything requires more than reading a book, taking a quiz or, even chillin’ and having fun.  Success happens when we learn not only what works, but when we learn how to DO what works. Easier said than done, right?  All of this can seem pretty daunting, especially when it comes to love and relationships.

It’s been quite busy around here, necessitating my decision to change the time and day of Coach Sappho’s podcast.   I’ve moved Coach Sappho’s podcast to the first and third Thursdays of each month at 4p ET.  Please make note of it.  If you’re already a podcast subscriber, you’ll get a show reminder by Wednesday.

We hope you can join us during the live shows, but, if you can’t, be sure to pick up your free copy of Coach Sappho’s Podcast for listening when it’s right for you.  All podcast subscribers get free copies of all of our podcasts.

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Well, here I am on day two of Sweet’s Western Caribbean Cruise with two lovely celesbians!

This picture was taken right after the first of two speed dates I led on the cruise.  On the left is my co-host comedian and star of the Big Gay Sketch Show Kate McKinnon.

In the middle is Dani Campbell, of MTV’s reality show A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila.  One lucky gal who attended our speed date won a date with Dani!  I’m still trying to track them down to find out the scoop on how the date went! 

Not pictured, but important to mention is Lori, my bud from New Orleans who picked me up at the airport, took me back to the airport to go home, treated me to two days on the town in New Orleans with her friends AND helped me sign up speed daters and run the first speed date.  Thanks so much Lori!

All in all, we had two very successful speed dates on the cruise for the single ladies.  It seemed like everyone who attended had a great time.  Often I had to literally pry the women away from their dates to move on to their next date.  These gals loved to chat!

After each speed date yours truly sneaked back to her cabin, tallied all the matches and then flitted through the cruise ship, like the love fairy, delivering notices of matches to the many single ladies on board.

If you attended one or both of the speed dates, please let me know if you went out on any dates with your matches and, how it went.  Also – if you’ve decided to continue to date your match/matches, I’d love to hear about it!

Here we go again! Can you believe the holidays are almost upon us? For singles, holidays can be difficult in unique ways. While couples may be stressing out over which family to spend the holidays with or, arguing over how to budget for gifts, singles are often feeling lonely and ‘left out’. And, financially speaking, many don’t realize being single during the holidays can be tough in that you don’t have a partner to share the costs of gift giving.

Many singles dread the holidays because they fear going to parties and events alone. It’s easy to suggest to singles to ‘go with a group to parties’ or ‘call and invite a friend’, however, these solutions are not always practical or realistic.

Most singles will have to go to some events alone during the holidays.  What’s probably most upsetting about this for many singles is knowing there isn’t a partner to go to some events with, like they see their friends and family members doing.  When you have a partner, going alone to some events, when it’s necessary, isn’t as much of a bummer because you know you are going home to your partner.

While attending events with family and friends is nice, but it’s not the same as having a romantic partner to share time with during the holidays. Coupled lesbians often forget how it felt to be single during the holidays. If that’s you, ‘remember to remember’ your single friends this holiday season when you can.  Or, perhaps more importantly: just stay tuned into your friend. Does she (or doesn’t she) get upset during the holidays? If she does get bugged, what bugs her and how does she like to be supported when frustrated or experiencing negative feelings?

For those of us who celebrate Christmas, who hasn’t walked under the mistletoe at a dinner or party?  New Year’s Eve tends to be a particularly difficult holiday for many singles. Just imagine your favorite image of New Year’s Eve. Chances are you see couples partying the night away, including the proverbial kissing that goes at midnight.

So what’s a single lesbian got to do to get a date for New Year’s Eve?

If you are single (and not dating) right now, you can still find a date in time for New Year’s Eve, if you want one. It’s far from too late to get started. In the meantime, you may even find more than just a great date for the evening.

One secret to finding a great date for New Year’s Eve is taking some time today to begin getting focused on reaching your goal. You can easily start by setting aside 5-10 minutes to find a quiet, comfortable place to sit and visualize ‘in your mind’s eye’ that evening, complete with what you will be doing, where you will go, etc.

While you are dreaming up this wonderful vision, use ALL of your senses. Don’t just stop at the visual. Also dream with sounds, tastes, smells, touch, etc. Enjoy the process. After you’ve created a really cool ‘day dream’, just let your vision go. Then trust that you’ve already begun to set into motion your reaching your goal.

Want to learn four more secrets to attracting a great date for New Year’s Eve? Join me for Coach Sappho’s 5 Secrets to Finding a GREAT Date for New Year’s Eve.  We’ve offering three different days and times for the tele-seminars, to accomodate a wide variety of schedules and time zones.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker. Are YOU ready for love? Ready to find out? Take Coach Sappho’s FREE Love Quiz.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin. All Rights Reserved. Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.