I was speaking with a new client this morning who recently ended an 8 year relationship with another woman.  She feels she is ‘healing’ and says she wants me to help her overcome the ‘serial monogamy’, u-haul game and find a lifelong partner the next time around.

What a great time, btw, for someone to enlist support!  I remember back to my therapy training days when we learned that crises may seem overwhelming but they are also a time when we are more open to change.  That’s right – the Chinese were right – crisis =’s opportunity!  And making some internal changes (as well as some changes in her actions) will be required of this client if she expects to ever stop ‘leasing’ U-Hauls!!!  (more…)

Placing personal ads today is much easier and more acceptable than it used to be.  For example, I did a brief bit of research on the subject and discovered that one of the first personal ads noted in written history was penned by a poor spinster who in 1727 posted an ad in a local paper looking for companionship.  What happened to her?  Do you think she met with success?  No, indeed.  She was sent to an insane asylum for a month! 

My first recollection of personal ads was in the late 1980′s or early 1990′s.  I remember seeing them in local papers and magazines.  The cost for some was prohibitive and, often, one had to wait a month for their ad to come out.   I also remember them being seen by many as ‘racy’ or taboo. 

Today, given the opening up of attitudes, most of us have heard about personal ads (or even posted one!).  With the internet, and the growth of 100′s of online dating companies and social networking sites such as MySpace, the single person’s options for posting a personal ad that is able to be accessed by many potential singles is often inexpensive and easy. 

In addition, the internet is so ‘immediate’ you don’t have to wait a week or month for a paper or magazine to come out!  And, given that the internet is geographically ‘unlimited’, it appears, at least on the surface, that your reach is unlimited.

But beware the hype.  Dating sites may promise large numbers of potential people or compatible matches (after taking their testing instruments) to meet, but when you actually go on their site and search, you may see the same old faces and names you’ve already ruled out.  You may also find many haven’t been on the site to search for months.  That’s not good, many of those singles may no longer even be single! 

And, photos on these sites tend to be nonexistent or, frankly, poor.  Why give off a negative first impression!?!  If you are going to bother spending your valuable time seriously seeking a soulmate at these sites, spend the time, effort and money, if needed, to post the most flattering pictures you can.

I advise my clients to have fun trying out the online dating sites but to be careful and not spend their money unless they have some success with a site.  Success depends on how you define it.  I also encourage clients to remember the old ‘tried and true’ – local online and traditional personal ad services and opportunities.

Okay, so, if you’re thinking about putting a personal ad out there, I say congratulations and yahoo!  That means you are healing (if you’re getting over a breakup) or, you are getting more active about creating the life and/or relationship you truly desire.

I welcome this when it happens for my clients, because many of them have already made the decision they need to ‘slow down’ (which is mostly a good thing) and learn more about themselves THIS time around before getting involved with another person romantically, in the hopes they will choose more wisely who they give their heart to THIS TIME.

The next question I think you need to answer for yourself is this: 

Should I write a great personal ad? 

Stay tuned for future blog issues where I will discuss further, issues such as…

• how to know if your dating plan needs to include personal ads
• how to write a great personal ad if you decide to do so
• the keys to using personal ads to find dates
• other options for finding dates

Have a great start of the week!

Barb Elgin

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If you are single and your vision includes forming a long term, deeply satisfying, committed relationship with another person, you will want to check out Coach Sappho?, a unique, ‘members only’ community for singles and couples who are ‘like-minded’ about creating authentic lives and relationships. 

Coach Sappho? offers a number of convenient, fun, wisdom-packed events and opportunities for singles and couples who are open to collaborating with an experienced coach who can help them clarify a powerful vision for where they want their life to go and a plan to help them succeed.   If you’d like to learn more, click here.

Or, if you would like to talk with me ‘one-on-one’, I offer an initial, complimentary, no obligation coaching meeting, where I invite you to begin building a relationship with me that will help you change your life in wondrous ways.  Just email me and we’ll set up a time that is convenient for us to talk.   In addition to the meeting, I also cover the cost of the phone call!

Local Happenings

I’m sitting here writing to you as the sun sets in the Florida sky.  Much, as usual, is happening here at Coach Sappho and in the world.  I am always grateful for what is ‘going well’, especially when it relates to quality of life! 

Speaking of which, a special thanks goes to Congress and the President (believe it or not!) who passed The Pension Protection Act this week, providing sorely needed financial protections to same sex couples.  Be sure to stop by The Human Rights Campaign website to read all about it.  And, while you’re there, be sure to check out their new guide for ‘living openly in your place of worship’ – I hear it’s a nice guide.

My week started out on a very positive note as I connected with the new social network here in Ocala, Florida, LGBT Ocala.  They’ve got a fall gala coming up 9/3, so, if you are in the area, be sure to go to their website and learn more about the event and the network in general. 

LGBT Ocala is a diverse and friendly bunch and their goal is to make Ocala a better place for the GLBT community.  They seem to be off to a strong start and their website looks great.  I look forward to making future meetings, and continuing to re-connect with old friends and making new ones.  For those of you reading this who live in major metropolitan areas, please support your friends in less populated areas, like Ocala.  Given that I’m from Baltimore, it is an ‘education’ process for me, learning a different culture.  I think that in many ways Ocala is at least 20 years behind where Baltimore is today, in terms of gay rights and gay community.

On Wednesday I  attended the August Equality Florida Meetup at MCC Ocala.   Those in attendance (a small but passionate crowd) cooked up some cool ideas.  Look for Rob Poth, coordinator of Equality Florida Marion and Citrus County to announce some exciting events in the near future.  Hint:  one is elections/political in nature and the other event is for the broader Ocala community.  Hey – if you want to know more, you’ll just have to be sure to come to the next Meetup in September!

If you aren’t in the Ocala area but you’re interested in knowing what’s going on, let me know.

National Happenings

I’ll be heading to the eastern shore of Maryland next weekend for Chesapeake Pride!  Unless I go to Orlando Pride in October, this will be my last pride festival in 2006.  Just a hop and a skip from Baltimore, Washington, D.C. and most of the eastern shore, Chesapeake Pride will be held near Annapolis, the state capital. 

I’m looking forward to having my booth there, so, if you are in the vicinity, be sure to come on by and say ‘hi’ to Rachael and I and support the efforts of organizer Wayne Schwandt and company!  They’ve got a great event planned, complete with vendors, food, and live music.  To learn more about Chesapeake Pride, click here.

Sponsors of  Chesapeake Pride include Southwest Airlines, Baltimore Gay Life Newspaper, and the area MCC Church.  Vendors include yours truly (I love it, they call me ‘Sister Sappho’!), the ACLU, the Baltimore Gay Community Center, PFLAG and about 30 others.  Also invited is Baltimore Mayor Martin O’Malley, who is running for governor.

SPECIAL CHESAPEAKE PRIDE OFFER!:

In honor of gay pride, anyone who stops by my booth at Chesapeake Pride and registers for Coach Sappho’s 10 week ‘Relationship Readiness’ Class starting in early October, will get $200 off the price of the seminar PLUS a complimentary copy of ‘Conscious Dating:  How to find the love of your life in today’s world’ ($25 value), autographed by yours truly!

For those of you who are interested in the seminar but who won’t be able to attend Chesapeake Pride, just email me on August 26th and I’ll send you the special, 66% off link for the seminar.  If you register within 48 hours, I will honor that rate!