Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach
Wow – the phrase itself is often scary to us  – decision-making – especially when it comes to the bigger decisions of life, such as ‘who to marry’ and ‘where to live’.

However, your ability to function well when it comes to this important life and love skill is absolutely critical to the ultimate quality of your life.  And, while there is usually no such thing as a ‘perfect’ or ‘risk free’ decision, and there are always ‘unintended positive and negative results of most decisions’, you can learn to make decisions that are more in alignment with who you are and what you need, require and want.  In fact, when you can ‘balance’ your decisions keeping these three issues in mind, chances are you can make decisions for you that are smart and, that give you a satisfactory result.

The bottom line to remember when it comes to decision making is this: (more…)

I’m sad to announce that yesterday, my 18 year and some odd month old miniature pinscher Ruby passed away at approximately 5p ET.  As someone said today in a kind email to me…

“So sorry to hear about your dog.  I know that it can be a really sad loss for us, especially we GLBT people.  Often our pets are our babies.”

So true, and, for Ruby, whose care had become more time and energy consuming over her last few months, I think the more I put into caring for her, the more I cared about her.  So the loss is extra hard.

But even in my grief, I am trying to keep perspective.  I have great memories of her and I have so much still to be grateful for in my life today.

Thanks to everyone who have called and sent well wishes.  Especially memorable were words such as: ‘as long as she lived it was obvious you loved her and cared well for her’ and ‘remember that you aren’t alone and many have traveled this road before you’.

Your words of comfort really DO help.  I did get a good night’s sleep last night and today I feel better.  This blog post is in honor of Ruby’s memory and I know it’s cathartic for me to post about it here to my online ‘family’.

Ruby was a ‘one in a million dog’ in many ways.

You may or may not know that I heartily support a national lesbian health organization called the Mautner Project.  I donate coaching scholarships to their silent auctions at Mautner events like Big Love, their annual Valentine’s Day dance.  And, I speak often of lesbian health issues, particularly the disparities that come about when we aren’t able to be ourselves with our healthcare providers (sometimes with good reason) and when the healthcare system is ignorant (or even, sometimes hostile) to our concerns.

When a client shares with me that they don’t think it’s safe to be ‘out’ to their provider(s), I encourage them to seek affirmative providers, but, often, there is a lack of affirmative providers in an area OR there is at least, a lack of underground wisdom in a community about which physicians, nurse practitioners, etc. to seek out.

So, organizations like Mautner Project are vital for our community.  They are on ‘the front lines’ educating providers and changing the system to be more welcoming as well as providing direct care support to lesbians in the Washington, D.C. area who are currently dealing with the real life challenges of living with cancer.

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As I’ve coached dozens and dozens of lesbian women over the years, it has occurred to me that for many (I’d like to say ‘some’ but then, maybe I’d be deluding myself!), the process of reaching out and getting some good ol’ dating or relationship coaching (even while knowing it could make a dramatically positive difference in one’s life), is – as one of my mentors would say – a daunting, scary or, even radical, idea…

I hope in this post to explain to you why it is worth considering the perhaps ‘radical’ idea of ‘trying some love coaching’…

Let me begin with those who are at least somewhat ‘warmed up’ to the idea.  Perhaps you are someone who has gotten over the initial hump – you’ve gotten results in the past from getting some coaching or expert help in some life area – and you’ve taken a peek at some of what we’ve been talking about here on Coach Sappho’s blog and on Coach Sappho’s website.

Or, perhaps you’ve even furthered your curiosity by ‘sampling’ some of what I suggest such as…

• Sticking a toe in the water and signing up for Coach Sappho’s ‘Luscious Love’ Quiz, which is, by the way, free, easy to sign up for and quick to complete. I’m sure if you have signed up and, even better, taken the quiz, you’ve found out the water isn’t too cold AND you’ve gained something from the experience.  Less painful even, than having your temperature taken (by mouth, of course!).  
• Wading into the pool by joining a free resource such as Lez Be Together, our community for lesbian couples and individuals who desire deeply satisfying, lasting relationships.  Or, signing up for free updates from Coach Sappho’s Blog.
• Diving in by hiring me as your coach or, if you are single, joining our premiere social club

If this is you, congratulations.  You are already experiencing the results of investing in you and your happiness.  My advice to you is to: take the next step!  However you define that…if you want help identifying your ‘next step’ just contact me to discuss.

Or, if this is not you, no problem, keep reading.  You’ve not yet warmed up to the idea of a love coach helping you bring even more love into your life, and you’re still skeptical.  You continue to ask ‘why should I give a damn’?

I could quote you studies that show individuals in happy relationships are healthier, wealthier, etc.  And other studies showing that happy singles are healthier than unhappy ones.  I could also quote studies that challenge many of the myths about love relationships you need to get clear on to prevent relationship trouble, breakups, etc.

Unless you’ve ‘given up’ on love, and, in particular, being part of a deeply satisfying, LASTING relationship (and if you have, you really need to consider getting to know me better!), I know you have got to be saying to yourself:  how can I get more of that???

For those of you who hesitate to join us in any way just yet, consider the following analogy: (more…)