Welcome home to me! Wow – I returned home late Monday night after 32 days away and 3,000 road miles later! Even though the trip was wonderful, personally and professionally, there’s no place like home!
I’m a New Mommy!
That’s right – I arrived home from my trip with a bundle of joy – my miniature pinscher Ruby. Ruby is 15 years old and remarkably well for that age. She’s already loving her new home. In fact, she is lying right beside my feet right now, snoring away!
Ruby is one of my ‘furkids’ from my previous relationship. My ex is busy busily caring for her other sick dog (Cupid) and her very ill mom. And, I was truly ready for Ruby now. So I agreed to take custody of ‘the Rube’.
Ruby and I had a rough first night together in a hotel room near ‘South of the Border’ (the South Carolina/North Carolina line). Ruby was missing her familiar surroundings, Cupid and her mommy. And, to make matters worse, there was a full length mirror in the room that scared her!
I’m happy to report it’s been pretty ’smooth sailing’ since that first night. She’s adjusting very well in my home. She’s already a hit with the neighbors, chased a lizard and taken her first golf cart ride!
Phew! I’ve had an enjoyable, restful and yet busy, week back home. I’ve only begun to scratch the surface of getting settled, however, Ruby and I are enjoying some fantastic fall/winter prelude weather here in Central Florida (mid 80’s during the day, light breeze, low/no humidity). I consider the break in the heat a blessing for Ruby as her body is no doubt adjusting to the southern clilmate.
Rosie O’Donnell: Aren’t we glad she’s a bigmouth???
Yesterday, I took a few minutes away from unpacking to watch Rosie O’Donnell on The View. I love how natural and, well, AUTHENTIC Rosie is on the show. Now, of course, right wing activists are probably saying she’s ‘making it political’ or ’shoving her gay rights/lifestyle in the public’s face’ but Rosie is just being herself instead of hiding.
I hear Rosie brought her wife, Kelli, to her first show and, pointed her out in the audience. And, yesterday she took an opportunity when one of the hosts referred to couples as ‘he and she’ to say, “…and for some of us it’s ‘he and he’ or ’she and she’.” The other hosts naturally mention their spouses, children and families too, when their personal lives relate to whatever it is they are discussing, so why should Rosie be any different? I think Babs Walters was quite the slick one in selecting Rosie for the show. I for one am so grateful to Babs!
Secrets to keeping your love alive…
Today, I caught some of the Ellen Degeneres show and one of her guests was Ashton Kutcher. What a breath of fresh air he is! Ashton, who is on the cover of this month’s Details Magazine, was called ‘perhaps the best husband there is’. When Ellen asked him why he said, ‘because I have the best wife in the world’. He also mentioned one of the secrets to their success (they’ve been together four years and they just celebrated their first wedding anniversary) is to…
KEEP IT NEW (or you’re through)
I thought this great wisdom from the mouth of a mere babe in the woods of love and romance. Sounds counterintuitive doesn’t it? Why in the heck do you have to worry about ‘new-ness’ when one of the main reasons you entered a committed relationship was to enjoy the comfort of the familiar.
However, familiarity can breed contempt. And, as many of us who coach or counsel couples know, contempt is one of the so-called ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse’, those dreaded grim reapers that will kill a relationship. So, keep in mind, all things being equal, the more familiar you get with your amour, the more likely you are to fall into behaviors that can threaten the long term satisfaction and success of your relationship. I said ‘more likely’, which means it doesn’t have to be that way, it’s just that most relationships tend towards ‘chaos’ without attention to what works.
Why does too much familarity threaten relationships? When we get too comfortable, some of us start taking our partners and our relationships for granted. Others adopt the attitude that we know all there is to know about our partner. Both attitudes when acted upon will get us into hot water.
It is my opinion that gay and lesbian couples can be especially at risk if the four horsemen raise their heads because many of us don’t have access to the ties many straight couples enjoy. Ties such as children, family support and the financial benefits and securities marriage confers. Ties that reward couples who ride out the inevitable rough spots all long term relationships go through.
However, I’m going to use some ‘tough love’ here: even though society isn’t as supportive of gay relationships as it is for straight ones, this doesn’t let gay couples off the hook. And, while most gays and lesbians need to get more involved in changing the system that discriminates against them, real change begins at home and one of the most important things all of us can do to ‘plead our case’ for marriage equality is to share more openly with the world that we are in loving, same sex relationships and live in those relationships with love.
So, don’t get too comfortable or familiar with your partner. Shake it up…all the time! New doesn’t have to mean uncomfortable. In fact, new can be exciting and risky in a healthy way or as simple as approaching your relationship each day with fresh eyes and ears.
What can you do this week to keep it fresh and new with your partner?
And, if you’re single, be sure to make note of this post and be sure to file it away for the days ahead!
C U soon!
Barb Elgin (Coach Sappho?)
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If you are single or in a relationship and your vision includes forming and nurturing a long term, deeply satisfying life with another person, you will want to check out Coach Sappho?, a unique, ‘members only’ community for gay and gay-friendly singles and couples who are ‘like-minded’ about creating authentic lives and relationships.
Coach Sappho? offers a number of convenient, fun, wisdom-packed events and opportunities for singles and couples who are open to collaborating with an experienced coach who can help them clarify a powerful vision for where they want their life to go and a plan to help them get there. If you’d like to learn more, click here.
Or, if you prefer, I offer an initial, complimentary, one-on-one, no obligation coaching meeting, where I invite you to begin building a ‘working’ relationship with me that will help you change your life in wondrous ways. Just email me and we’ll set up a time that is convenient for us to talk. In addition to the meeting, I also cover the cost of the phone call!
It’s been quite busy around here, necessitating my decision to change the time and day of Coach Sappho’s podcast. I’ve moved Coach Sappho’s podcast to the first and third Thursdays of each month at 4p ET. Please make note of it. If you’re already a podcast subscriber, you’ll get a show reminder by Wednesday.
Barb Elgin, (AKA 'Coach Sappho'), MSW, LCSW (Florida), is a Certified Singles Coach, dating and relationship coach, with over 20 years of professional experience. She has received specialized training in relationship coaching with the Relationship Coaching Institute, as well as personal, corporate and business coach training with Coachville.
