Bill Moyers just interviewed the two straight attorneys representing the gay couple and lesbian couple who are suing the State of California for denying them the right to marry.  PBS calls this suit a ‘well financed challenge to California’s Proposition 8′.

Stories such as this sure makes me hope (and think) there has to be a ‘greater plan’ in the universe.  The two attorneys I am referring to are Ted Olson, a conservative and David Boies, a liberal.

Do these names sound familiar to you? If not, just know that these two men went against each other in the infamous Bush v. Gore Supreme Court case that stopped the Florida recount and awarded George Bush the presidency.

Now Olson and Boies are working on the same team to help gay and lesbian citizens achieve full equality on the marriage front.  Yes, they are starting the ‘battle’ in California, but their bet is that eventually, and, sooner rather than later, someone will take the marriage equality issue to the United States Supreme Court.

Olson and Boies want to make sure gays and lesbians have the best chance of coming out on top.  They’re betting they can represent gay Americans better than anyone and they are ready to do so.

You will love what these men have to say about human rights, our Constitution and our Bill of Rights.  All of these issues point directly and decisively to the fact that unless gays and lesbians are allowed to marry, we are, as a country going against the most important values we hold as a nation.  And we are going against the most credible research on the topic.

There is no turning back.  America’s current treatment of gays and lesbians is abhorrent, when seen in the way Boies and Olson frame the issue.

Click here to watch Moyer’s excellent interview of these two bright, compassionate men.  Just the fact that this intelligent, conservative man (Olson) sat there, responding so clearly and rationally, to the usual arguments anti-gays use when talking about same sex marriage, will change some hearts.

1)  Campbell Soup Stands Up for Equality – Thanks to Campbell Soup for standing firm (at least so far, let’s not forget how Ford Motor Company caved to far right pressure).  Campbell has placed an ad in The Advocate, a very popular gay magazine, mind you, for one of their products, Swanson’s Broth, showing a very ‘every day’, normal looking family sharing a moment together.  The family includes a lesbian couple (one of whom is a chef) and their son.  Campbell has normally been known as a conservative marketer but it appears they are becoming more inclusive in their marketing; they even claim they will be placing more ads in the Advocate.

Why am I taking time to point the Campbell Soup ad out to you? There are many reasons I could point out, for the sake of brevity I’ll try and state what I think are three of the most important ones.

• Campbell’s act is one more step in putting inequality behind us (After all, folks, doesn’t American have more ‘pressing’ problems to deal with than harassing other citizens – that is GLBT’s – who are just living their lives?).  Campbells is as ‘All American’ a brand as any.
• Secondly, realize that conservative groups, such as the American Family Association (AFA), are already challenging Campbells (or shall I say, ‘bullying’ them?) to ‘drop the gay agenda’ and ‘remain neutral in the culture war’.  Campbells is taking on some degree of risk here.  So – please consider getting in touch with them somehow to thank them for standing up for human rights.  Please also ask them to ‘stand firm’.  There is no culture war here, other than the one a small group of very ‘to the right’ religious individuals and organizations are deluding themselves in waging.  BTW, these groups may win some battles but they will never win the war, because I believe, deep down, that most Americans are more fair-minded than these groups.
• Another important issue is the pure economic one.  We need to get very clear what companies don’t discriminate against a group of people and which do.  We need to vote with our wallets and purses on this one, too, as consistently as we can.  DO buy from GLBT-friendly companies; DON’T buy from ones who aren’t.  Need to educate yourself on this issue? It’s easy – just go to the Human Right’s Campaign website and download their buying guide.

When will people and organizations such as the AFA ‘get it’ that there is no ‘agenda’ other than normal people (who just happen to be GLBT) trying to live their lives?  Thanks to Campbell for recognizing that…umm, umm, good!

Click here for an article in Advertising Age that talks more about the Campbell’s Soup ad.

2)  Here’s a chance for you to sign a petition asking Barack Obama to reconsider his choice of Rick Warren for the inaugural invocation – A friend sent me one of those petitions, this one from Care2.com, asking Barack Obama to revoke his choice of Pastor Rick Warren for the inauguration invocation.  I don’t really know how effective Care2 is, or, if the Obama is at all interested in reconsidering, but if you haven’t signed one of these petitions yet and you want to, click here, it’s easy to use the ‘stock’ language and/or add your own.

By the way, there is an interesting video on the same petition page, of Rick Warren, filmed before the November 4th election, urging voters to vote for Proposition 8.  Here Warren uses guilt, spurious historical information and religion to try and convince listeners to vote for Proposition 8.  How’s that for ‘thinking for yourself’ and separation of church and state?

Yes, it’s true, Warren has every right to state his personal beliefs.  But, is his church receiving non profit status?  Makes me wonder if he really should be allowed to do some of the type of ‘pastoral care’ he is engaging in, ie: his obvious mixing of church and politics.  In fact, some of Warren’s exact choice of words is why the founding fathers of America, in their wisdom, decided to create three branches of government, to help balance out inequities such as what is occurring against the so-called two percent of the population that is GLBT.

BTW, we all know that, while ten percent of the population may not be GLBT as Alfred Kinsey postulated years ago, I’m sure you’ll agree the actual number of GLBT’s in American is more than two percent!

In fact, tactics like Warren’s give more credence to the suggestion that the only way to put all of this nonsense to bed (so we can focus on REAL problems like global warming, AIDS, the economy, treating our wounded vets, etc.) is to COME OUT!!!  That includes family members and loved ones of GLBT’s!

When America sees how many of their neighbors, favorite entertainers, family members are GLBT, it will be harder to claim we are so ‘insignificant’ and it will be harder to ignore us…

Happy day before XMAS eve!

Barb

Now, each one of us has different situation.  Some of us are no where near ready to talk so openly with our loved ones.  Perhaps we haven’t cultivated this level of closeness (yet!) with loved ones.

But, perhaps there is someone in your life – someone who is ‘on the fence’ or ‘apathetic’ about the same sex issue.  Perhaps this is someone you can share these ‘talking points’ with today or this coming holiday season.  Perhaps it’s even another GLBT person who doesn’t understand the implications like you do.

Or, perhaps your relationship with a particular loved one IS most likely ‘ready’ for this conversation.  If you think it might be, I would encourage you to consider moving that relationship into it’s next, more authentic level.

Perhaps you work in a workplace where you have some employer (or governmental) protections.  If you do and you are comfortable mixing politics with work (some folks say that is not a good idea, some thinks it is important to do so), you may want to consider sharing these talking points at work, say, with your gay-straight employee alliance or something.

For example, here’s a simple action you can take right now, sitting at your computer, thanks to the Human Rights Campaign:

Send an HRC card – That’s right.  The Human Rights Campaign has designed an easy way for you to educate your loved ones about the human right of marriage.  Click here to get started.

Why do I think it is important to take actions like sending HRC cards and those suggested below? Because if you are a GLBT person, to keep silent, all the time, is NOT good for your mental and physical health.  There IS a real strain on us when we can’t be ourselves in our relationships with others.

And, when the silence concerns who we are, how we love, and who we love, keeping the silence is especially toxic, as intimate relationships go to the core of life and love.  To have to silence oneself is dramatically holding back the forces of life and love in ways that has to hurt.

But Barb, you say ‘it’s too stressful’ or ‘potentially explosive’ to be so bold.  I say, yes, perhaps, but hiding under a rock is stressful too, in a stifling, suffocating way.  So, I say – pick your stress.  You know, I’m no stress management researcher, but I believe there is research out there showing how ‘stressing’ oneself in growth-promoting ways is actually good for you psychologically, much like exercising may be a stress on your body short term, but helps the body become stronger and more resilient.

Or, you worry you are ‘stressing out’ or ‘worrying’ others when you assert yourself.  I know some friends who just don’t want to bother their aging parents thinking they will make their parents sick.  Well, I know about this feeling – I’ve thought and felt this many times too.  I get tired of having loved ones merely ‘tolerate’ me.  But, as I learned as a student way back in graduate school in my training to become a psychotherapist, mental health is not about taking care of our loved one’s thoughts and feelings to the exclusion of our own.  When we are just being ourselves and we are not physically harming someone else, if a person has an issue with us, it’s THEIR issue, not ours.

And, if you are an ally, someone who ‘gets it’ and sees the psychological (and other) damage all of this hate and negativity and denial of human rights is creating, you can really help the cause by NOT staying silent.

So – on this Thanksgiving Day I thank you for YOU!  There will never be another YOU!  Why are you here and what difference are you supposed to make????

I am also grateful to you for reading this post, let’s keep in touch and keep the good times rolling,

Barb Elgin

HERE’S THE TIPS…

The Great Thanksgiving Conversation: Let’s talk all the way through the holidays
by: Rabbi Denise L. Eger, Reverend Dr. Neil Thomas, Torie Osborne and Rodney Scott

This Thanksgiving many of us will be leaving our families of choice and spending time with our families of origin. At these dinner tables, thousands of conversations will be had. As you are thinking about the conversation around your family dinner table this Thanksgiving and holiday season, it is a great opportunity to talk to them about human rights and equality for members of the family who are LGBT.

Many of us will encounter “mixed” family tables – with family members who voted on both sides of Prop 8. Inevitably talk will turn to events of this important election, including the meaning of the passage of Proposition 8 in California. Become a community organizer and help educate your family on marriage equality and the truth about Prop 8. This is one social justice activity you can engage in that will help all of us in the future, whether the courts overturn Prop 8 or we face another ballot measure.

Proposition 8, and its approval, make it lawful to discriminate in California and is just the beginning. It will have serious implications for minorities around our country. It is important that we continue the conversation, especially with our friends and family to win their hearts and minds. Many of them will likely use the same arguments that have been used since the election – that they like their gay/lesbian friends but voted for Proposition 8 because their faith/tradition told them to do so.

We are encouraging you to have a conversation with your friends and family this Thanksgiving and throughout the holiday season. In order to get the conversation started we have included some “conversation starters” as well as some facts to counter some of the arguments that are being used in defense of passing Proposition 8 in California.

Here are the key messages that confused and convinced good Californians to vote YES on 8, and the truth about them:

1. YES ON 8 MESSAGE: “Without Proposition 8, churches would be forced to marry gay people even if it conflicts with their ideas, and they could lose their non-profit status.” Proposition 8 unfairly blurred the boundaries between the separation of church and state, and the Yes on 8 Campaign outright lied when it said that churches would be forced to officiate at the marriage of gay men or lesbians. In fact, page 117 of the Supreme Court’s original decision last May guaranteed protections for churches to follow their faith’s teaching on the matter and to NOT officiate if that is their teaching.

The YES on 8 campaign further blurred the boundary between church and state when it said that it would cause churches to lose their non-profit status. Nothing could be further from the truth. Churches would still be protected as affirmed again by the Supreme Court. The misinformation and outright lies of the Mormon and Catholic and Evangelic Christians communities caused confusion and pain among many. The state constitution should never promote one religion over another.

2. YES ON 8 MESSAGE: “Only the church can say who is married.” This is absolutely false. As long as couples must get a marriage license from the state for their marriage to be recognized, then you can’t deny citizens from equality. The state issues licenses and you do not have to go to a rabbi, priest or minister or imam to get married. As long as there is civil marriage then it must be open to everyone. It is discrimination to do otherwise.

3. YES ON 8 MESSAGE: “Gay people don’t have civil rights, they belong to African Americans.” In America we have fought for equality for all citizens regardless of race, creed or color and in California that equality is extended to those of different sexual orientation. We have the equal protection clause that says all groups must be treated equally under the law. We are sensitive to the particular history and struggle, and sense of ownership that African Americans have over the phrase “civil rights”.

However, they are called “civil rights”, “equal rights,” or “human rights” — this bundle of rights confers dignity to all people, including gay people. Even those who go to church can understand the phrase, “Love your neighbor as yourself”. The Constitution should not be used to deny or retract rights, and that is what Prop 8 did. If you start with gay people-who will be next? Blacks? Latinos? Jews? Blond haired people? Those without a college degree? Catholic? Prop 8 crossed a dangerous line by imposing the tyranny of the barely-a-majority on one group.

4. YES ON 8 MESSAGE: “Why do you need to use the term marriage? Isn’t domestic partnership or civil unions good enough?” Separate but equal is never good enough. It didn’t work before in the United States with drinking fountains or education or in the Jim Crow era of South Africa. Marriage holds unique and special dignity for the couple and their children. Our society is not built on civil unions, but is built on the idea of marriage which takes two unrelated people and makes them next of kin.

There are differences in domestic partnership and marriage. The most notable difference is in the reactions of others. Everyone understands when a couple says they are married. Most do not understand when you say your partner, they misinterpret regularly. Also there is a profound difference for those who are married. Their families are accorded the proper dignity and respect in the world and there are some benefits from one’s employer that are available to married spouses that are not available to domestic partners.

5. YES on 8 MESSAGE: “The people had their say and the vote of the people should be honored.” It is never okay for the majority to impose its will if it eliminates the rights of a minority. Our constitution and the judiciary exist to protect the minority voice from the tyranny of the majority. This is not an “activist” court. This is a conservative court – a majority is Republican — that interpreted the Constitution and in May of 2008 declared that gay and lesbian people were protected by the equal protection clause.

Now the legal case before the Supreme Court will examine whether or not the Prop 8 vote, garnered through an expensive campaign of lies and misinformation, was proper. There have been other instances in California when a ballot initiative was declared improper and/or unconstitutional including Prop. 187 (that would have denied illegal immigrants services).

6. POST-ELECTION MESSAGE: “Gay people should just get over it. It’s just not a big deal.” One can never get over completely the wounds of oppression and discrimination. The passage of Proposition 8 hurt gay people in California – and lots of their straight friends and family, too. For a few short months gay people knew full and complete marriage equality as never before. 18,000 gay and lesbian couples were legally married. And then in an instant that equality was taken away.

This is a deep wound. When justice and equality are denied, people are moved to express their cry for freedom through their first amendment rights to free speech, through protest. Engaging in peaceful rallies and marches to voice our concern is an American tradition, and helps lead to change.

These talking points ought to help you move our cause forward in your family.

Here are some additional actions you might want to take:

* Think about wearing a button that states how many months/years you and your partner have been together.

* Keep your Vote NO on Prop 8 bumper sticker on your car

* (Re)Introduce your partner as your husband/wife

* Talk about a rally or your personal participation in the No on Prop 8 campaign

* Take some wedding cake home for desert

* Take pictures to share of your family

* Ask what they think about what California did with the passing of
Proposition 8