I am working and the TV show The View is on (lately I’ve had NBC on in the morning and have been watching ‘Kathie Lee and Hoda’ at 11a but today the TV is on ABC).  I notice they just introduced lesbian comedian Judy Gold as a ‘gay’ mom.  Is it me or do you too wish they didn’t have to announce her as a ‘gay’ mom just a mom?  When will we just be a part of the mainstream so much so that when we are introduced we don’t always have to be called the gay this or the lesbian that…

Okay, I say to myself, wait up.  I should just be happy they are having an openly gay guest on their show AND I should just be happy they are open and comfortable saying words like ‘lesbian’ and ‘gay’!  HA!

While the gals on the View interviewed Judy it was interesting how Judy referred to her ‘ex’, whom they had their two children with, btw.  She says she ‘got her ex’ an apartment in the same building below her, because Judy is the ‘god’…under her breath…

(more…)

“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.” – Unknown

I received the above quote in the ezine of a colleague of mine earlier today.  It got me to thinking about the coming holidays and the new year and it got me curious about you and your life.  I am a deep believer in the benefit of reflection and visioning and it’s positive impact on one’s life.

So, I’ll ask…

“Do you think it would help you to slow down for a few hours this December, reflect upon wisdom gained in 2007 and use what you learn, along with what your heart longs for today, to begin planning for a great 2008?”

Now, you don’t have to do so alone.  I’ve decided to offer my

Gearing Up for Greater Abundance in 2008 Tele-seminar

again this year.  Last year, I had quite a bit of interest in the program so I thought I’d run it again!  This program is for everyone and it is not solely relationship-focused like most of my programs (meaning: you have a choice if you want to focus on relationships or some other area(s) of your life)!

Gearing Up for Greater Abundance in 2008 Tele-seminar

is a three session program that will help you ‘prime’ yourself for an amazing 2008.  During

Gearing Up for Greater Abundance in 2008′s Tele-seminar you will…

• reflect upon your learnings, disappointments and new awarenesses from 2007
• dream big for 2008 and ‘bring your dreams out of hiding’ using some of my favorite ‘visioning’ exercises
• identify and clear out the limiting beliefs that have been stopping you from realizing your vision
• create your unique plan for manifestation in 2008

In addition to these objectives, you will have the benefit of being part of an amazing group of ‘like-minded’ individuals also tuning into themselves and their heart’s desires.  I can tell you from past experience leading these groups and being a participant of them, that the new relationships, ideas, suggestions and support that grow out of participation in one of these tele-seminars is often priceless as far as the value it adds to one’s life!

I’m going to lead this program on Wednesday evenings – December 5th, 12th and 19th from 7:30p-9p ET ONLY and I am going to limit it to 5-10 participants to ensure lots of attention to participant’s needs so be sure to register today to ensure your spot in the class!

In addition, the program will be recorded and will be available to participants only (in case a participant can’t make a ‘live’ meeting and
for participants to refer back to during 2008 for support).

Click here to register now.

AND AS A BONUS:  I’ll be running a contest each night of the class where I’ll be choosing a class member’s name to receive a complimentary gift, Coach Sappho’s FIND YOUR SOUL MATE IN ’08′ HOLIDAY GIFT PACKAGE ($129.00 value)!!!  That’s right – this means I’ll be giving away three of these valuable packages.  In an intimate class of 5-10 people the odds are high you’ll win one!!!!

BE well,

I spent most of late last week and the weekend attending a fantastic conference on the topic of psychiatry and mental health.  Nothing like being surrounded by about 2,000 ‘shrinks’!

Great people, by the way.  I met folks from all over the world as well as neighbors/colleagues I didn’t know I had!  It’s really funny how that works.  The world is truly a small place. 

The conference took place at a resort-style hotel in Orlando.  You know psychiatrists – they work hard and play hard!  I do know we sure ate well!

At the risk of over-simplifying (which is truly impossible to avoid, but I’ll do my best), I’d like to share with you some of the most memorable information I learned during this ‘cutting edge’ conference:

• The field of medicine is coming to understand that depression is a ‘whole body’ illness (versus a condition that is ‘all in your head’).  What this means is that the body and brain are somehow closely involved in creating depression and/or creating or exacerbating traditional ‘physical’ illnesses such as heart disease and diabetes.
• The field of medicine is also coming to respect the so-called ‘psychosomatic’ illness of fibromyalgia as a serious medical diagnosis.
• Talk therapies and exercise, not just medications, can work together (and sometimes on their own) to improve mood and save or grow cell volume in important areas of the brain.
• Un- or under-treated depression can lead to the death of brain cells in key areas of the brain (leading to problems in cognition, memory, the ability to organize/plan, make sound decisions, etc.).
• Great strides are being made in the treatment of bipolar disorder (while bipolar, mixed continues to be the hardest to treat) as well as schizophrenia.
• There is a ‘revolution’ growing amongst physicians who are starting to stand up to the negative impact managed care is having on the doctor-patient relationship.

In addition to all of this technical stuff, one of the most well attended lectures was one given by a psychiatrist whose specialty is love!  I was very intrigued by his presentation and plan to explore his work as it might help me enhance my abilities in working with singles and couples.

Speaking of which, the last idea I want to share with you that was discussed during the conference was the topic of personality change over one’s lifetime.

Yes, all of us have ‘personalities’ that make you ‘you’ and me ‘me’.  However, this ‘unique-ness’  does change for most of us over the course of our lifetimes.  Would I recognize you at 70 if I hadn’t spent any time with you since you were 20?  Great question, isn’t it?

I do know this:  if I accepted every theory about personality that emphasized immutability over adaption and evolution, I probably wouldn’t have chosen coaching as a career.  I tend to minimize theories that look at my personality as fixed.  For example:  if I accepted the theory that people who are shy can’t become less so, you probably wouldn’t have met me because I’d be in a much less visible profession!

I look at most personality tests or assessments as a ‘starting point’, meaning, here is how you look at ‘you’ right now.  But, that doesn’t mean that’s it.  The problem with these sorts of tests and theories starts when we LIMIT ourselves based on our scores.

The problem with personality tests, theories and ‘results’/'scores’, in my opinion, occurs when individuals take them as the gospel truth and start to live their lives IN REACTION TO them or as a SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY!  I don’t know about you but I don’t believe I’m merely reduceable to a number, label or technical phrase. 

In addition, when we start using a personality score as an excuse to stop engaging as fully as we can with life, I think we are in trouble.

Where do we draw the lines?  At what point are medications actually detrimental, as well?  The answers aren’t always clear cut and I don’t think Thomas Szasz, the guy who debunks most psychology, is completely nuts!  There is some truth to the thought that labelling someone immediately puts a distance between you and them and/or reduces them to a ‘case’ instead of a person.

I look at humans as much less ‘determined’ than most personality theories would suggest.  Given the right kind and amount of support, most humans can blossom in incredible ways.  And, we now know that the brain doesn’t stop growing once we become adults.  So, I don’t buy anyone’s excuse not to try because they are ‘too old to change’!  We just need to figure out someone’s passion and help them create change in a way that impassions them to do so!

Lastly, personality ‘traits’ and sexual orientation are two different things.  Sexual orientation, on the whole, is not chosen, while personality (or, behavior) is more malleable.  I know some folks will disagree with me however, that is my sense of things at this point, given the research.

Wow, now there’s a quote that fits perfectly my message for you today.  I caught retired tennis great Chrissy Evert sharing this wisdom the other night on C-Span in the wee hours of the morning.  I was watching a recorded version of her appearance on a panel that former president George Bush put together, showcasing the success of women in the workplace. 

I encourage you to try this ‘rule’ out or, better yet, reflect on your life and your relationships and see if you’ve been living by the rule and, if so, how’s it working for you!?!  I know that in the past when I’ve applied the golden rule in my interactions with important others, personally and professionally, I’ve often found friction instead of something like ‘golden honey’. 

• building a bridge
• going from ‘I’ to ‘We’
• creating a third way that didn’t exist before
• learning or improving our communication

The Platinum Rule is great because it’s very flexible.  It applies across relationships.  For example, take parenting a child.  While you may set non-negotiable expectations in terms of their behavior, you can always treat your child with respect by how you handle difficult incidents, conversations, setting of rules, etc.  Find out how your child defines ‘respect’ and, start treating them that way.  And, despite your doubts, respect to a child doesn’t mean giving them everything they want…trust me…In fact, you might just find him or her giving you more of what YOU want, more often, in the process!

The Platinum Rule Begins with YOU!

I will even take this a step further (or shall I say, what needs to come even BEFORE you grace others with The Platinum Rule), and say that succeeding at practicing the Platinum Rule begins by treating yourself to the Platinum Rule.  That’s right!  And, just what do I mean? 

It means beginning every day giving yourself a dose of the Platinum Rule.  And remembering a frequent dosing schedule throughout the day!  Treat yourself like YOU want to be treated (versus worrying about what the world says is important).  You say that’s impossible because you work in a department where they frown on you for taking the break you are legally entitled to take? I say, ‘push back’ in little such ways as taking that break anyway. Your health will thank you and you’ll be setting a ‘kindler, gentler’ standard that others, even leaders, may begin to follow. The Platinum Rule can be contagious watch out! Interestingly, it seems that people can’t share the rule with others unless they’ve got some in their Platinum Rule ‘bank account’, if you will…Just like the mothers on the plane who are told to put on the oxygen mask first before worrying about saving their children.

Giving yourself the Platinum Rule means listening to your mind, body and spirit and acknowledging what you are feeling, thinking, etc.  It doesn’t mean becoming ‘self-centered’ or a ‘glutton’ (every Puritan’s greatest fear!), it just means being in communication with yourself and listening to what is going on inside yourself.  And it means responding to what’s going on with behaviors that seek to answer whatever you are communicating to yourself.

For example, how often does your body say ‘give me more sleep’ but you ignore it and instead keep going?  How often does your heart and soul long for a ‘break’ from your usual routine, but you choose to ignore it and not tell your partner what you are sensing?

It’s about getting real and, authentic!  And, because I am very spiritual in my own unique way, I believe you are here for a bigger purpose than the obvious ones and you need to prepare yourself for achieving those big goals you came here to achieve!

Authenticity and Shakespeare: We’re in Great Company

Now, a great discussion ensued the other day, when I mentioned to a client that ‘authenticity is overrated’.  Now, what in the heck do I mean?

Her concern was in preserving her perceived ‘authenticity’ given that she’d decided it wasn’t ‘safe’ to come out to a supervisor at work. We’d already explored all of the pros and cons of doing so and she’d determined it was still unclear if it was advantageous to her to ‘come out’ to this supervisor right now, who, by the way, is also a friend.   So, we left it that we’re going to continue the discussion next time by exploring the analogy of how a cell sustains life, but just let me say that survival (and survival must be in place in order for us to thrive), sometimes precludes us being completely honest and open with others sometimes. Getting your life going in a more authentic direction takes time and it’s a unique process for everyone! In fact, I’m truly amazed how much more authentically this client is living than when she first started coaching with me.

In fact, I think Shakespeare ‘got it’: We are truly always ‘on the stage’ with others.  We don’t have to stress out about that, however, we need to be mindful that our behaviors (and that includes words), effect others very powerfully. Perhaps the essence of true authenticity is honesty, but with class or as one of my colleagues Souldancer calls it, with style and grace! Afterall, if we were to take a literal interpretation of the word to heart, we’d probably be blurting out whatever we felt or thought before thinking it through, thus proverbally beating everyone over the head all the time with brute honesty, which I define as saying something that will obviously hurt the feelings of someone else, before stopping to think of how best to express your ‘truth’ about something! And, how do I define best in this context? Best would be, taking into consideration the other party(ies). Crafting a response that will hopefully preserve the relationship, resolve whatever is at issue and, perhaps even IMPROVE the relationship! So, you see, it’s not about honesty in general, but how to express honesty or ‘your truth’, isn’t it???

I hope you’ll post to the blog and tell me what you think about the PLATINUM RULE…How do you define it and how do you know you are practicing it in your relationships with others?  How would you define how you want to be treated to those who are most important to you in your life?  And, then, how will you go about getting more of those needs, wants and requirements met?  I suspect it begins with the Platinum Rule… 

Have a great week!

Barb Elgin