I just finished up my lunch break while watching yesterday’s Oprah Show. Her guest was none other than Rosie O’Donnell, who Oprah noted, ‘hasn’t been on her show in 13 years’.

I enjoyed the interview immensely. Rosie was her usual charismatic self. With a dollop of humility even. A friend of mine asked if she ‘talked bad about anyone’ as apparently that might have been some of the hype to get people to tune in.

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It’s been quite busy around here, necessitating my decision to change the time and day of Coach Sappho’s podcast.   I’ve moved Coach Sappho’s podcast to the first and third Thursdays of each month at 4p ET.  Please make note of it.  If you’re already a podcast subscriber, you’ll get a show reminder by Wednesday.

We hope you can join us during the live shows, but, if you can’t, be sure to pick up your free copy of Coach Sappho’s Podcast for listening when it’s right for you.  All podcast subscribers get free copies of all of our podcasts.

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Some of my clients and readers have been writing to me quite upset about the supposed breakup of Rosie O’Donnell and Kelli Carpenter-O’Donnell.

First off, before we get our thongs in a twist, is this really true?

I searched online last night for any news in regards to this report.  And, I searched again this morning.  First off, doing the search reminded me how challenging it can be to get the true scoop on what is really happening out there in the real (non-virtual) world.  In today’s internet age, you have to dig because often the top search results tend NOT to be trusted, venerable news sources.

And of course, rumors spread very easily, even more so on the internet, when anyone can slap up anything they want at anytime (and have what they posted found almost immediately).   What’s that tell you?  Also – for some reason, even relatively intelligent people seem to take anything they read online as true, without considering the source.

So far, other than CNN, none of the other, major news networks is saying much, presumably because they don’t have enough information or facts verified yet.  What I can tell, up to this moment (about 12:30p ET), is that neither Rosie nor Kelli has announced publicly they are separated.

CNN reported this past Wednesday (more…)

Welcome home to me!  Wow – I returned home late Monday night after 32 days away and 3,000 road miles later!  Even though the trip was wonderful, personally and professionally, there’s no place like home!

I’m a New Mommy!

That’s right – I arrived home from my trip with a bundle of joy – my miniature pinscher Ruby.   Ruby is 15 years old and remarkably well for that age.  She’s already loving her new home.  In fact, she is lying right beside my feet right now, snoring away!

Ruby is one of my ‘furkids’ from my previous relationship.  My ex is busy busily caring for her other sick dog (Cupid) and her very ill mom.  And, I was truly ready for Ruby now.   So I agreed to take custody of ‘the Rube’. 

Ruby and I had a rough first night together in a hotel room near ‘South of the Border’ (the South Carolina/North Carolina line).  Ruby was missing her familiar surroundings, Cupid and her mommy.  And, to make matters worse, there was a full length mirror in the room that scared her!

I’m happy to report it’s been pretty ‘smooth sailing’ since that first night.  She’s adjusting very well in my home.  She’s already a hit with the neighbors, chased a lizard and taken her first golf cart ride!

Phew!  I’ve had an enjoyable, restful and yet busy, week back home.  I’ve only begun to scratch the surface of getting settled, however, Ruby and I are enjoying some fantastic fall/winter prelude weather here in Central Florida (mid 80′s during the day, light breeze, low/no humidity).  I consider the break in the heat a blessing for Ruby as her body is no doubt adjusting to the southern clilmate.

Rosie O’Donnell:  Aren’t we glad she’s a bigmouth???

Yesterday, I took a few minutes away from unpacking to watch Rosie O’Donnell on The View.  I love how natural and, well, AUTHENTIC Rosie is on the show.  Now, of course, right wing activists are probably saying she’s ‘making it political’ or ‘shoving her gay rights/lifestyle in the public’s face’ but Rosie is just being herself instead of hiding.

I hear Rosie brought her wife, Kelli, to her first show and, pointed her out in the audience.  And, yesterday she took an opportunity when one of the hosts referred to couples as ‘he and she’ to say, “…and for some of us it’s ‘he and he’ or ‘she and she’.” The other hosts naturally mention their spouses, children and families too, when their personal lives relate to whatever it is they are discussing, so why should Rosie be any different?  I think Babs Walters was quite the slick one in selecting Rosie for the show.  I for one am so grateful to Babs!

Secrets to keeping your love alive…

Today, I caught some of the Ellen Degeneres show and one of her guests was Ashton Kutcher.  What a breath of fresh air he is!  Ashton, who is on the cover of this month’s Details Magazine, was called ‘perhaps the best husband there is’.  When Ellen asked him why he said, ‘because I have the best wife in the world’.  He also mentioned one of the secrets to their success (they’ve been together four years and they just celebrated their first wedding anniversary) is to…

KEEP IT NEW (or you’re through)

I thought this great wisdom from the mouth of a mere babe in the woods of love and romance.  Sounds counterintuitive doesn’t it?  Why in the heck do you have to worry about ‘new-ness’ when one of the main reasons you entered a committed relationship was to enjoy the comfort of the familiar.

However, familiarity can breed contempt.  And, as many of us who coach or counsel couples know, contempt is one of the so-called ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse’, those dreaded grim reapers that will kill a relationship.   So, keep in mind, all things being equal, the more familiar you get with your amour, the more likely you are to fall into behaviors that can threaten the long term satisfaction and success of your relationship.   I said ‘more likely’, which means it doesn’t have to be that way, it’s just that most relationships tend towards ‘chaos’ without attention to what works.

Why does too much familarity threaten relationships?  When we get too comfortable, some of us start taking our partners and our relationships for granted.   Others adopt the attitude that we know all there is to know about our partner.  Both attitudes when acted upon will get us into hot water.

It is my opinion that gay and lesbian couples can be especially at risk if the four horsemen raise their heads because many of us don’t have access to the ties many straight couples enjoy.  Ties such as children, family support and the financial benefits and securities marriage confers.  Ties that reward couples who ride out the inevitable rough spots all long term relationships go through.

However, I’m going to use some ‘tough love’ here:  even though society isn’t as supportive of gay relationships as it is for straight ones, this doesn’t let gay couples off the hook.  And, while most gays and lesbians need to get more involved in changing the system that discriminates against them, real change begins at home and one of the most important things all of us can do to ‘plead our case’ for marriage equality is to share more openly with the world that we are in loving, same sex relationships and live in those relationships with love.

So, don’t get too comfortable or familiar with your partner.   Shake it up…all the time!  New doesn’t have to mean uncomfortable.  In fact, new can be exciting and risky in a healthy way or as simple as approaching your relationship each day with fresh eyes and ears.

What can you do this week to keep it fresh and new with your partner?

And, if you’re single, be sure to make note of this post and be sure to file it away for the days ahead! 

C U soon!

Barb Elgin (Coach Sappho?)

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If you are single or in a relationship and your vision includes forming and nurturing a long term, deeply satisfying life with another person, you will want to check out Coach Sappho?, a unique, ‘members only’ community for gay and gay-friendly singles and couples who are ‘like-minded’ about creating authentic lives and relationships. 

Coach Sappho? offers a number of convenient, fun, wisdom-packed events and opportunities for singles and couples who are open to collaborating with an experienced coach who can help them clarify a powerful vision for where they want their life to go and a plan to help them get there.   If you’d like to learn more, click here.

Or, if you prefer, I offer an initial, complimentary, one-on-one, no obligation coaching meeting, where I invite you to begin building a ‘working’ relationship with me that will help you change your life in wondrous ways.  Just email me and we’ll set up a time that is convenient for us to talk.   In addition to the meeting, I also cover the cost of the phone call!

Whether you are…

• visiting our site for the very first time
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Thank you for your support!

Well hello!  How have you been?  It’s been busy as usual over here at Coach Sappho.

• Looking on the bright side this week I’d like to congratulate the State of Maine, who became the 16th state to add sexual orientation and gender identity to a Maine law that bars discrimination in employment, housing, credit, public accomodations and education.
• How’s your love life?  If you’ve ever been in a relationship over a year, you know things tend to “cool down.”  But, is it inevitable that they “cool off?”  I’ll never forget what the psychology professor I took a Human Sexuality class with in college said:

Did you know that your biggest sex organ is between your ears!?!

Yes, indeed, is she nuts, now, just what did she mean?  That imagination, mystery and creativity are sexy turn ons!  So, don’t let your brain cells go limp when it comes to sex and intimacy, even if you are not in a relationship (catch my drift!). 

Hate to break it to you but love isn’t all wine, roses and, for some of us, chocolates!  We have to add a dash of brain food in there too once in awhile.

Make time for sensuality in your life, you deserve it (and it’s no doubt great for stress reduction!).  Stimulate your dendrites and they will give you a tingle!

And, if you’re looking for suggestions to jump start your brain, here’s a couple of my favorite books/tapes on the subject:

Hot Monogamy by Pat Love, EdD (book) (audiotape) – excellent ideas delivered in an often humorous manner.  I just love Pat Love!!!

The Whole Lesbian Sex Book by Felice Newman – full of education and information

Or, here’s a simple suggestion that goes the distance:  each of you should make a list of activities you’ve gotten away from doing that you enjoy or that you’ve fantasized about or want to try.  Then, be sure to do one of those activities at least once a week, alternating back and forth.  And, again, if you are a single slinger, make a list and treat yourself.

Champions keep playing until they get it right! – Billie Jean King

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin

For those of us in the northern hemisphere, spring has sprung!  While it may not feel that way yet (hey – it’s even been dark, chilly and rainy here in Central Florida the past couple of days!), you can bet warm, sunny days are just around the bend.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT COACH SAPPHO:  Look what Coach Sappho has been cookin’ up for you, to keep you warm and toasty till lady spring pokes her head out:

Famous author, Angela Bonavoglia is Coach Sappho’s “Uncommon Courage” guest for March 2005.

Thursday, 3/31/05, from 7-8pm EST

Coach Sappho’s ‘Creating a Life I Love’ Club’s “Uncommon Courage” guest for March 2005 is a fabulous ally by the name of Ms. Angela Bonavoglia.  I met Ms. Bonavoglia about 18 months ago while interviewing Kathy Itzin, the catholic religious education instructor from Minnesota who had a lifetime achievement award taken back by her city’s bishop when he found out she was a lesbian.

Angela Bonavoglia has just published her latest book, Good Catholic Girls:  How Women are Leading the Fight to Change the Church.  Angela Bonavoglia is an award-winning journalist and author who covers social, health, religious and women�s issues. A previous book on abortion, The Choices We Made, was featured on Oprah. Her feature articles, investigative reports, op-eds, personal essays, and profiles have appeared in Ms. (longtime contributing editor), the Chicago Tribune, Redbook, Mirabella, Cosmopolitan, Newsday, and The New York Times, among other publications.

Angela’s article, “The Church�s Tug of War,” about women as an invisible force for reform in the Roman Catholic Church, was the lead article in The Nation in the wake of the clergy sex abuse scandals of 2002.

I can’t wait to talk with her about how and why she chose the career path she is on today.  Aren’t you curious?  I hope you will join her and I via the teleconference bridge on March 31st for an exciting discussion.  If you have specific questions you’d like me to ask her during the interview, email me so I can prepare.

Click here to read more about Ms. Bonavoglia and her latest book.  Or visit her website: http://www.goodcatholicgirls.com.