I’ve been taking a break from my blogging lately, if you hadn’t noticed. I apologize if you’ve missed me!

And, I just returned from Christmas celebrations, mostly enjoyed up north with family and friends. While I was away, the repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (DADT) happened. I am amazed at how it all came together ultimately.  Aren’t you?  Of course, ask those central to making this happen and you will hear how ‘blood, sweat and tears’ it took to make DADT go away.

Driving home yesterday, I happened to listen in on a conservative radio station. Of course, they believe repeal of DADT is immoral.  And, those of us who believe the opposite believe DADT was what was immoral.  I know one thing:  I’m grateful we have a democratic President in office awhile.   I agree with Rachel Maddow, who recently said, ‘DADT caused massive damage to many lives.’

Apparently, President Obama, who has publicly stated he doesn’t believe in gay marriage, is even reconsidering that other very controversial anti-gay federal law – The Defense of Marriage Act.  He is even reconsidering gay marriage.  During an interview after signing the repeal of DADT he was asked by reporter Jake Tapper:

So, if gays can fight and die for their country, why can’t they marry people they love?

Yes, indeed.  Why can’t they?  I would reword his question to say: Why can’t gays and lesbians marry the person they love?  Lest someone start saying:  oh, they want to marry more than one person!?! 

If nothing else, the repeal of DADT reminds me how keeping the faith and keeping one’s ‘eyes on the prize’, even when it’s difficult to do so and defeat seems certain, often brings victory.   I am amazed…

One of the many emails I returned to after my trip contained a very important article I really want you to read because it simply reminds all of us how UNEQUAL the tax laws are for gay and lesbian couples in the United States.

The article reminds us that only 65% of Americans in general have a will, and it often takes a crisis such as a death to spur us to act.  According to the article, entitled ‘Gay Couples Caught in Financial Limbo’, gay and lesbian couples must now spend thousands of dollars putting into place the protections legal marriage confers easily and straight married couples take for granted.

Even so, when a partner dies, gay partners can still be charged estate taxes on their partner’s estate and we can’t receive social security benefits (as well as many other benefits married heterosexual couples enjoy).

These FACTS should concern everyone.  Money is always a major area of concern and stress for couples, even in the best of circumstances.  Imposing these additional financial losses, penalties and burdens on gay and lesbian couples is another reason why achieving marriage equality is so important, not only for individual gay and lesbian couples, but for the health and vitality of our entire country in these trying economic times.

GLBT Talk with Barb and Donna

Lara is an accomplished author and editor who has put together ‘To Love and To Cherish’, an amazing anthology chronicling lesbian love, relationships and marriage.  And, indicative of her commitment to the issue, she’s selling the anthology with all proceeds going to Marriage Equality USA.

During our interview, Lara shared the fun she had bringing together the authors in the book as well as the entire process of editing and publishing the project.

At the end of our 60 minute interview, Lara shared a reading from one of the fourteen stories in the collection.  The collection includes three volumes:

• Volume I: On Bended Knee
• Volume II: With This Ring
• Volume III: Lives and Wives

Please note that Lara and the authors created this anthology without taking an income.  A true labor of love!

What a great deal:  when you buy this series you are both:

• Getting an amazing book
• Giving back to a very, worthy cause

By the way, I’m buying my Kindle copy right now for the great price of only $3.75!!!

Be sure you let me know how you are enjoying the stories!

Barb

I’m pleased to announce that Donna and I will be interviewing Lara Zielinsky, bisexual author of mature adult content lesbian and bi-women’s fiction, romance and erotica Thursday, April 29, 2010 from 7-8p ET on Coach Sappho’s Podcast.

Lara resides in the Orlando, Florida area.  Who knew we had such an interesting and accomplished author right in our midst!?!

Lara has been on a speaking tour promoting her new book

To Love and To Cherish: An Anthology of Lesbian Love and Marriage

And, she’s donating proceeds from sales of the book to the same sex marriage rights organization Marriage Equality USA.

Lara Zielinsky

Please be sure to join us Thursday, April 29th, 2010 at 7:00PM ET as we talk LIVE with Lara.  Coach Sappho’s Podcast is free to subscribers!

Bill Moyers just interviewed the two straight attorneys representing the gay couple and lesbian couple who are suing the State of California for denying them the right to marry.  PBS calls this suit a ‘well financed challenge to California’s Proposition 8′.

Stories such as this sure makes me hope (and think) there has to be a ‘greater plan’ in the universe.  The two attorneys I am referring to are Ted Olson, a conservative and David Boies, a liberal.

Do these names sound familiar to you? If not, just know that these two men went against each other in the infamous Bush v. Gore Supreme Court case that stopped the Florida recount and awarded George Bush the presidency.

Now Olson and Boies are working on the same team to help gay and lesbian citizens achieve full equality on the marriage front.  Yes, they are starting the ‘battle’ in California, but their bet is that eventually, and, sooner rather than later, someone will take the marriage equality issue to the United States Supreme Court.

Olson and Boies want to make sure gays and lesbians have the best chance of coming out on top.  They’re betting they can represent gay Americans better than anyone and they are ready to do so.

You will love what these men have to say about human rights, our Constitution and our Bill of Rights.  All of these issues point directly and decisively to the fact that unless gays and lesbians are allowed to marry, we are, as a country going against the most important values we hold as a nation.  And we are going against the most credible research on the topic.

There is no turning back.  America’s current treatment of gays and lesbians is abhorrent, when seen in the way Boies and Olson frame the issue.

Click here to watch Moyer’s excellent interview of these two bright, compassionate men.  Just the fact that this intelligent, conservative man (Olson) sat there, responding so clearly and rationally, to the usual arguments anti-gays use when talking about same sex marriage, will change some hearts.

Particularly if you are a gay or lesbian couple who doesn’t have the benefit of legal marriage, or, if you live in an area where you have domestic partnership protections, but you haven’t registered as a domestic partner, you will especially want to learn more about what it means to protect yourself and your relationship.

You’d be surprised to learn the various legal ‘vulnerabilities’ that exist for unmarried couples.  And, even if you are currently single, you’ll want to learn more now so that you are prepared later when you are in a relationship!

I’ve got a great way for you to get started!  Recently in my web and business travels, I met, and am building a closer working relationship with, a smart gal by the name of Lindalisa Severo. Lindalisa is passionate about the topic of GLBT legal rights and, out of that passion has created a website specifically focusing on the legal needs of gay and lesbian singles and couples called LegalOUT.

Lindalisa also produces a newsletter you’ll want to sign up for, because, in it, she publishes some very practical articles on increasing your awareness as to common legal issues you will come across as you live your life as a gay or lesbian person or couple.

For example, in this month’s newsletter, Lindalisa addresses advanced legal planning in an article about a woman by the name of Joy. Joy learned the hard way what happens when you don’t plan ahead legally.

Click here to go now to LegalOUT’s website.

Click here now to read LegalOUT’s blog.

Okay, so now you can go out tomorrow and enjoy some wine and roses!

We hope you can join us during the live shows, but, if you can’t, be sure to pick up your free copy of Coach Sappho’s Podcast for listening when it’s right for you.  All podcast subscribers get free copies of all of our podcasts.

Speaking of which, I’ll be leading this coming Thursday’s show.  Donna has some important activist work to do that she’d committed to before I changed our podcast day and time.  Donna will be back for our 2/18 show.

I hope you’ll join me on the live call.  It’ll be our Valentine’s Show.  I’ll be dishing tips for singles (Valentines is often a challenging time for singles) and couples and talking about the other great holiday the GLBT community celebrates during Valentine’s – Freedom to Marry Week.

Cindy McCain has joined her daughter Meghan McCain (who has been outspoken in her support of same sex marriage) in speaking up against hate (and possibly gay marriage) by posing for one of those Adam Brouska No H8 photo shoots.  Meghan also posed for No H8 late last year.

Way to go Cindy!  Of course republicans are up in arms, including her husband John McCain’s office, which has put out a statement supporting Cindy’s ‘right’ to think differently and reiterating John’s support of marriage between a man and a woman only!  And, I hear that another, more conservative republican who is planning to run against McCain during the next election is already using this event to drum up support against the re-election of McCain.

Well, leave it to the ladies to evolve us forward…AGAIN!  

Sorry guys,  I may be a lesbian but I’m not a man hater.  I just state what I observe…

I didn’t want this news to go un-mentioned because, as we are learning, more and more each day, there are many different types of republicans, democrats and, independents!  It’s not enough to ‘pigeon hole’ everyone in a party.  Thankfully.

I would say that, given Cindy’s place in the cosmos, this was a ‘well thought out’ decision on her part.   Makes me wonder if John knew beforehand!

My sense is that Cindy McCain’s move is one more piece of the big hate iceberg, breaking off and melting away…

So thank you Cindy!  It’s unclear yet what impact her decision will make.  Probably not that big of a help, but, hey, we’ll take it.  What does Cindy’s action show? That even those with a more ‘conservative’ bent are open to changing (or, perhaps they’ve felt this way all along and are speaking up more as they sense growing support of equal rights for all Americans).

Hear Barb Elgin Via Free Download Below – Talking with Rick Barber About California’s Prop 8 Trial on News Radio in Denver, Colorado

Speaking of Prop 8 – yours truly completed an interview this morning with Rick Barber in the Denver, Colorado area on Newsradio 850 KOA!  I’ve been tapped twice this week (Denver) and Vero Beach, Florida (on the Rhett Palmer Show) to talk about the Prop 8 trial in California and same sex marriage.

Click here to listen to my interview with the irreverent, very learned and dry witted Rick Barber.   I loved listening to Rick’s command of comedy and history.  Not bad for 5am!  

I’m still hoping to get a copy of my interview with Rhett.

Have a great ‘hump’ day!

Barb Elgin

Photo:  AP/Adam Brouska

All subscribers are invited to the live shows and can receive free downloads of all shows.  Once you become a subscriber, you can pick up your free recording of last night’s show.

If you don’t know about the ‘Janice Langbehn/Lisa Pond’  story, now is time for you to find out.  Janice’s story has been in the national spotlight recently as well as much of the last few years since her life took a dramatic turn.

In 2007 Janice’s partner of 18 years, Lisa Pond, died suddenly and unexpectedly due to a brain aneurysm, while they were getting ready to enjoy a family vacation together.

As if Lisa’s death wasn’t tragic enough, the way Janice was treated in the hospital during Lisa’s final hours was unthinkable and unconscionable.   As my co-host Donna Tara Lee remarked, the more she heard, the ‘madder and madder’ she got.

And, I’m willing to bet Janice’s experience is repeated all too often around the country.  Don’t think it can’t happen to you, too, even if you or your partner ends up in a hospital in a major metropolitan area.  Who would think a hospital in Miami would still be in ‘the dark ages’!

I want to thank Janice again for being so giving of her time. To tell you how amazing and committed Janice is, just realize that she continues to share her story (without pay of course), even though she is the single parent of three teenagers and she has a chronic illness.

Be sure to listen to the entire interview because, at the end, Janice shared in great detail what her next steps are, including suggesting to listeners how we can get behind her and her experience  to change the discriminatory health care systems that exist in this country.

As Donna told Janice last night – I honor you, Janice!

Barb Elgin

Want to learn four more secrets to attracting a great date for New Year’s Eve? Join me for Coach Sappho’s 5 Secrets to Finding a GREAT Date for New Year’s Eve.  We’ve offering three different days and times for the tele-seminars, to accomodate a wide variety of schedules and time zones.

Barb Elgin, MSW, LCSW, Certified Singles Coach, is Coach Sappho: America’s Favorite Lesbian Love Coach and Matchmaker. Are YOU ready for love? Ready to find out? Take Coach Sappho’s FREE Love Quiz.

© Copyright 2009, Barb Elgin. All Rights Reserved. Feel free to forward this article as long as attribution remains intact.

Disclaimer: The suggestions and feedback offered in this column are but one perspective of multiple approaches to dealing with problems or challenges. Information provided in articles and advice columns should not be used as a substitute for coaching or therapy when these services are needed. None of this information should be your only source when making important life decisions. This information should not be used for diagnosing or treating a particular problem, nor should it take the place of a consultation with a trained professional. It is your responsibility to consult a professional prior to making any life decisions.

Congratulations to Maine for legalizing same sex marriage and putting the issue behind them, hopefully once and for all.

I’m sure Maine ‘gets it’ that there are some very pressing domestic issues facing them, locally and nationally, such as the environment and the economy and those are the types of issues all of us, regardless of our differences, need to gather around and work together to improve.

Allowing gay and lesbian couples to marry can only help both Maine’s and the U.S.’s economy as well as help Maine’s communities in many other small, ‘quality of life’ ways.  The ‘doom and gloom’ scenarios the right have been putting out there are just that – scenarios, born of fear-based thinking that just doesn’t exist.  Worse yet, what a waste of human energy fighting against love.  Perhaps eventually these ‘anti-equality’ folks will get it.

The news today keeps getting better as I’ve got some of my own excitement to share…

I’ve been invited to write for a very interesting, visible, and popular GLBT web site – called Queercents.

Have you checked out Queercents?  This is a site that hit the ground running a few years ago and hasn’t stopped since.  Queercents has experienced rapid growth in content and readership.  It was founded by Nina Smith, who really understands the variety of financial issues facing GLBT’s.  I just love their tag line,

“We’re here, we’re queer and we’re not going shopping without coupons”.

I want to thank Nina for featuring me and my Queercents blog on their home page today, which I’ve titled:

Talkin’ About Lesbian Love: Secrets to Surviving the Lesbian Love Jungle

Nina notes in the feature – “It’s even rumored recently ‘out’ actress Kelly McGillis may be calling Coach Sappho for tips on surviving the lesbian love jungle”!

Well – we’d be glad to invite Kelly to join us here at Coach Sappho.  Kelly, you’d fit in here perfectly.  Kelly, check out Lez Rendezvous!

Queercents has a bevy of authors and topical discussions, all related in some way to GLBT’s and finances.  Be sure to check them out, it’s high quality stuff.

Savor each moment today!

Barb Elgin