“Oh, honey, you’re 46 – you have a greater chance of being
slaughtered by a psychopath than finding love.”
- Diane Keaton’s mother in The First Wives Club

Okay, so I’m stuck inside, the weather’s gorgeous and I’d rather be at the pool playing water volleyball right now (instead I had to settle for being Suzy Homemaker – vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen!  Ha!  Burns calories just as well).

I’m on a writing moratorium today. I’m already committed to getting caught up on my articles for One Good Love’s popular E-zine for relationship-minded gays and lesbians.

I’ve got my doggie lying behind me snoring.  Believe it or not, she’s found a new way to cuddle up to me while I work,  She squeezes her – luckily – small body – behind me on the office chair!  Cute, or what?  If only I could find a woman so loyal and into snuggling!  

(more…)

Wow, now there’s a quote that fits perfectly my message for you today.  I caught retired tennis great Chrissy Evert sharing this wisdom the other night on C-Span in the wee hours of the morning.  I was watching a recorded version of her appearance on a panel that former president George Bush put together, showcasing the success of women in the workplace. 

I encourage you to try this ‘rule’ out or, better yet, reflect on your life and your relationships and see if you’ve been living by the rule and, if so, how’s it working for you!?!  I know that in the past when I’ve applied the golden rule in my interactions with important others, personally and professionally, I’ve often found friction instead of something like ‘golden honey’. 

• building a bridge
• going from ‘I’ to ‘We’
• creating a third way that didn’t exist before
• learning or improving our communication

The Platinum Rule is great because it’s very flexible.  It applies across relationships.  For example, take parenting a child.  While you may set non-negotiable expectations in terms of their behavior, you can always treat your child with respect by how you handle difficult incidents, conversations, setting of rules, etc.  Find out how your child defines ‘respect’ and, start treating them that way.  And, despite your doubts, respect to a child doesn’t mean giving them everything they want…trust me…In fact, you might just find him or her giving you more of what YOU want, more often, in the process!

The Platinum Rule Begins with YOU!

I will even take this a step further (or shall I say, what needs to come even BEFORE you grace others with The Platinum Rule), and say that succeeding at practicing the Platinum Rule begins by treating yourself to the Platinum Rule.  That’s right!  And, just what do I mean? 

It means beginning every day giving yourself a dose of the Platinum Rule.  And remembering a frequent dosing schedule throughout the day!  Treat yourself like YOU want to be treated (versus worrying about what the world says is important).  You say that’s impossible because you work in a department where they frown on you for taking the break you are legally entitled to take? I say, ‘push back’ in little such ways as taking that break anyway. Your health will thank you and you’ll be setting a ‘kindler, gentler’ standard that others, even leaders, may begin to follow. The Platinum Rule can be contagious watch out! Interestingly, it seems that people can’t share the rule with others unless they’ve got some in their Platinum Rule ‘bank account’, if you will…Just like the mothers on the plane who are told to put on the oxygen mask first before worrying about saving their children.

Giving yourself the Platinum Rule means listening to your mind, body and spirit and acknowledging what you are feeling, thinking, etc.  It doesn’t mean becoming ‘self-centered’ or a ‘glutton’ (every Puritan’s greatest fear!), it just means being in communication with yourself and listening to what is going on inside yourself.  And it means responding to what’s going on with behaviors that seek to answer whatever you are communicating to yourself.

For example, how often does your body say ‘give me more sleep’ but you ignore it and instead keep going?  How often does your heart and soul long for a ‘break’ from your usual routine, but you choose to ignore it and not tell your partner what you are sensing?

It’s about getting real and, authentic!  And, because I am very spiritual in my own unique way, I believe you are here for a bigger purpose than the obvious ones and you need to prepare yourself for achieving those big goals you came here to achieve!

Authenticity and Shakespeare: We’re in Great Company

Now, a great discussion ensued the other day, when I mentioned to a client that ‘authenticity is overrated’.  Now, what in the heck do I mean?

Her concern was in preserving her perceived ‘authenticity’ given that she’d decided it wasn’t ‘safe’ to come out to a supervisor at work. We’d already explored all of the pros and cons of doing so and she’d determined it was still unclear if it was advantageous to her to ‘come out’ to this supervisor right now, who, by the way, is also a friend.   So, we left it that we’re going to continue the discussion next time by exploring the analogy of how a cell sustains life, but just let me say that survival (and survival must be in place in order for us to thrive), sometimes precludes us being completely honest and open with others sometimes. Getting your life going in a more authentic direction takes time and it’s a unique process for everyone! In fact, I’m truly amazed how much more authentically this client is living than when she first started coaching with me.

In fact, I think Shakespeare ‘got it’: We are truly always ‘on the stage’ with others.  We don’t have to stress out about that, however, we need to be mindful that our behaviors (and that includes words), effect others very powerfully. Perhaps the essence of true authenticity is honesty, but with class or as one of my colleagues Souldancer calls it, with style and grace! Afterall, if we were to take a literal interpretation of the word to heart, we’d probably be blurting out whatever we felt or thought before thinking it through, thus proverbally beating everyone over the head all the time with brute honesty, which I define as saying something that will obviously hurt the feelings of someone else, before stopping to think of how best to express your ‘truth’ about something! And, how do I define best in this context? Best would be, taking into consideration the other party(ies). Crafting a response that will hopefully preserve the relationship, resolve whatever is at issue and, perhaps even IMPROVE the relationship! So, you see, it’s not about honesty in general, but how to express honesty or ‘your truth’, isn’t it???

I hope you’ll post to the blog and tell me what you think about the PLATINUM RULE…How do you define it and how do you know you are practicing it in your relationships with others?  How would you define how you want to be treated to those who are most important to you in your life?  And, then, how will you go about getting more of those needs, wants and requirements met?  I suspect it begins with the Platinum Rule… 

Have a great week!

Barb Elgin

Well, hello there!   Much is going on ‘behind the scenes’ here at Coach Sappho, as we prepare to roll out some exciting new offerings for you!   Yes, it’s true – I haven’t been putting as many blog posts out there lately and you aren’t hallucinating!

I’ve been focusing on preparing new offerings and on developing amazing experiences for you such as Coach Sappho’s Attraction Tele-Group, which is growing by leaps and bounds.   If you’d like to learn more about this group, which is helping men and women like yourself attract the lives and love you desire, email me and you’ll be invited to an upcoming, complimentary preview!  Or, if you’re ready to get your life moving in the right direction, we have a few slots still available for this tele-group, so email me and let me know you’d like to get started this week.  Our next tele-group meeting is a week from today, Saturday, March 3, 2007 at 11am ET!

Lastly, below I’ve included an inspiring article for you that will help shake any winter doldrums you are feeling.  As winter hits that point where it seems it will never end, just remember that spring really is ‘just around the corner’.  Enjoy!

Will be in touch soon!

Barb Elgin

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We Have a Choice
by Kate Steinbacher

We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves strong.  The amount of work is the same.  – Carlos Casteneda, author and philosopher.

As the rain continues to fall and the days to be chilly, I sometimes begin to feel the weight of it all.  The dampness, the dreariness, the mud, the chore of rubbing down my wet smelly dogs so they are presentable enough to be in the house. As I allowed myself to get more down about it all, feeling ?put upon? by the weather, I realized I was choosing to be miserable. 

I began to think about last summer and the frightening thoughts, the reality for some, of actually running out of water, our lifeblood.  I took hold of my thoughts and began to dwell more on the positives of the rain: flowers popping up everywhere, our grass is more beautiful than it has been in years, my husband and I have begun to take care of some indoor projects we have been putting off, even the puppy rub down has become a sort of game that makes us laugh.

I have discovered the feeling of accomplishment is the same rain or shine, the connectedness to family and friends is still great and actually my ability to concentrate on detailed projects is greater as I am not distracted by the thoughts of being outdoors in the sun and the breeze.   The words of Mr. Casteneda seem to be true, I could be miserable or I could be upbeat and strong, in this case it was a matter of how I chose to think about the weather.

Now, of course, the weather is not an earth shattering issue, but there are scant few of us who can say they are not affected by it in some manner. I offer it as a common ground place to begin a discussion on how we can take charge of the thoughts and energy we expend and for what results.

In this time of economic uncertainty when many people we know are out of work, downsized or otherwise and more high school and college graduates are ready to take their places in the workforce it becomes challenging to choose to think and expend our energy to make ourselves strong.  The job search that once was a matter of checking the want ads and speaking with a few confidants, has now become more of position itself, albeit a non-profit one, for many seekers.  The tendency to dwell on how difficult the search can be and how unfair it is, becomes enticing.  As more rejection is required to attain the prize, it becomes easier to allow our thoughts to wander in the mode of negativity and hopelessness: ?I am not good enough.? ? I am too old.? ?I am over or under qualified.? 

As a personal and corporate coach, I work with many individuals that are changing careers, whether by choice or circumstance.  What I have discovered is that there is a great difference between the successful career changers and the not so successful and it has little to do with the time it takes to make the change. 

These days the game is very different.  The pool of excellent candidates is much greater, and the corresponding pool of jobs is dwindling.  The difference I have discovered is how the successful people think about themselves and the process. They employ a positive, enthusiastic and hard work approach. They are willing to accept change and look at themselves and the world from different perspectives.  They are open to support. They create, maintain and share insights and networks. They stay productive and active at home and in the world of work, often on a volunteer basis.

Many of these successful folks, read voraciously of the many books that are available on career change, salary negotiation, resume writing and interview techniques.  They work hard at the job of career change or job search.  When the right position is eventually discovered, their house is in order, they have learned a great deal about themselves and the process and they are ready to put their best forward for the new position.  Often friends and colleagues have no idea how much effort went into the process, they only see the successful result. In the words of Michelangelo: ? If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn?t seem so wonderful after all.?

Coaches Challenge:  Our choice is in how we choose to think.  Begin with some simple tasks that you may have allowed yourself to get down about, like the weather.  You begin to build your positive thinking muscle. Then gradually tackle the greater issues as your strength increases.

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Kate Steinbacher, PCC, is the owner and co-founder of The Coaches Console.   Coaches Console is a client management system that helps coaches and independent professionals organize their business and free up their time to do what they love: coach!  Kate is a graduate of Coach U with over 200 hours of coach specific training and has been awarded the Professional Certified Coach designation from The International Coach Federation. Yet she came to coaching only after driving delivery trucks, running an HR department, and traveling the world as a cruise director.   Click here to learn more about the Coaches Console.